Many years ago. I woke up and the clock read 5:00 AM, sh3t! I’m supposed to be at work at 5! Jump out of bed, pull on some pants. Run to the bathroom. Have to **** too bad to hold it till I get to work. Oh man, that might not be just a fart. So I set on the toilet, forcing it out so fast, it splashes off of the porcelain and onto the back of my legs. Turn on the faucet wet my hand and quickly splash some water to rinse off the ****. Screw it, I can take a dump after I get to work. No time for a shower, just deodorize. I grabbed the can and shot my left pit with shaving cream! Wipe it off, hit the right pit with the proper stuff. Threw on a shirt, stuffed the pen, pocket tweeker and ID badge in the pocket. Grabbed keys and wallet. Ran out the door. Still buttoning up my shirt (I can tuck it in while running across the parking lot at work), I notice that something seems strange, it’s very quiet this morning (I live in town). And, why is the moon so high in the sky? Somethings wrong. I went back inside. The digital clock read 2:05 AM. I guess while half asleep, I read the 2 as a 5! Took off my shoes, double checked the 4:15 AM alarm setting, laid down in bed and relaxed. Yep, is was just a fart. Man, my left arm pit feels really cool and tingly! Never actually got back to sleep. I was a long day.