Tough, tough couple of weeks for me

[Eyerelief]

I'm nearly overwhelmed by the level of caring and support here. We have such a wonderful group of kind souls on this board. There's tough days ahead, but there's yet a serenity that Mom's suffering is over.

Yes sir. When dad died, I felt cheated. So many more things that I wanted him to experience. Most importantly his only grandson getting his wings in the Navy (dad was a pilot in the air force). It took me some time but now I feel better knowing his pain is gone. My faith tells me that he is watching over everything I do anyway, laughing at me most of the time.

 

[DavidR8]

My sincere condolences on your loss.
I lost my dad twelve years ago and my mom nine years ago. The loss hurts but with time memories fill the heart.

 

[WobblyHand]

Tomorrow is the funeral. Tonight was writing a eulogy. That's hard. There's no way to capture all your thoughts, nor even to have a brief synopsis of your mother's life. You don't want to leave anyone out, but you are limited by your experiences, not theirs. And goodness sake, you don't want to drone on, like a class in microeconomics.

Managed to write up about a page and a half or so and printed it out. It's not terrible, which I suppose is ok for a second draft. Since I'm more of an engineer than a writer, I think it will be sufficient. Of course, it would be even better, if I had more time, and I could write well. Sadly, I have practically run out of time, and my writing skills, well, they could use some polishing.

Will be glad to be back on here more often, so I can be a "kid" again, as opposed to being the patriarch, and "responsible adult" of the family. It's not that I want to be irresponsible, but dang, it's hard being that responsible person.

 

[WobblyHand]

Yes sir. When dad died, I felt cheated. So many more things that I wanted him to experience. Most importantly his only grandson getting his wings in the Navy (dad was a pilot in the air force). It took me some time but now I feel better knowing his pain is gone. My faith tells me that he is watching over everything I do anyway, laughing at me most of the time.

Yes. I'm positive my Dad is thinking, gee what a blockhead, why don't you do it this way? Every once in a while, I ask myself, how would he do this. I'll try that thought out and often be surprised how easy it was.

 

[WobblyHand]

@WobblyHand
Bruce, I am sorry to hear about your loss.
Her suffering is over.


Don't forget your duty to yourself too.
You cannot help anyone else if you don't take care of you.
There is now more to look after, but you need time to grieve too.



It sounds like both your parents showed you where the various limit lines were.
Undoubtedly out of love; love for you and love for learning.
That's one lesson you'll never lose.

Be well!
Brian

Thanks. Yes, been trying to temper things and ask for help. Had to do a lot of that recently, just to get by. I had drawn down from the well of compassion, and needed some help to start recharging the well. I was afraid it would run dry. Fortunately I have both a good family and friends who helped, especially last week. That helped immensely.

There's a lot of grieving left for me to do, but still a whole lot of things to get done.

As for lessons, that was something both parents firmly believed in. Different kinds of lessons, and loads of them. Always busy learning new stuff...

 

[neonguy]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mom over 23 years ago, the sorrow was something to deal with for sure. Over the years that has almost gone away, but fortunately memories of her are as strong as ever. I guess I'm trying to say things really do get better. We'll all be thinking of you tomorrow.

 

[WobblyHand]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mom over 23 years ago, the sorrow was something to deal with for sure. Over the years that has almost gone away, but fortunately memories of her are as strong as ever. I guess I'm trying to say things really do get better. We'll all be thinking of you tomorrow.

Thanks, greatly appreciated.

 

[WobblyHand]

Longest day ever yesterday. But the day is over, the eulogies given, and there's a measure of relief. Who knows what the following days will bring, but this chapter has been completed.

Found myself trimming the stone path, early this morning, so the grass would not obscure the stones. Was thinking of Mom and her gardens and trying to make things just so. Made me smile a little, which has given me hope.

Thanks everyone. Thank you for your sympathy and empathy. Will be able to carry on from now on. Should I stumble, I know there's some very nice folks here.

 

[Eyerelief]

Longest day ever yesterday. But the day is over, the eulogies given, and there's a measure of relief. Who knows what the following days will bring, but this chapter has been completed.

Found myself trimming the stone path, early this morning, so the grass would not obscure the stones. Was thinking of Mom and her gardens and trying to make things just so. Made me smile a little, which has given me hope.

Thanks everyone. Thank you for your sympathy and empathy. Will be able to carry on from now on. Should I stumble, I know there's some very nice folks here.

Many of us have walked the path you just traveled and know exactly what you are going through. But just the same, bless you for having to have done it. Your mothers new wings will keep her in sight of you.

 

[WobblyHand]

Just reporting back. Things still are troubled, but they are of a different nature.

I guess it's not surprising to people, but it has been really hard to get appropriately experienced legal counsel. Long story short, struggling with estate conflicts, there are huge differences between my father's and mother's trusts. So much so that both of the nominated trustees have quit - probably due to the conflicts. First trustee flat out refused to deal with it. Second trustee took my mom's estate and secured it. When they finally received the documents for my father's estate, they dropped both estates and trusts summarily. The estates are in legal limbo and my family is getting demands to do things and or settle, and none of us has committed legal representation. My family attorney has provided some limited counsel, but has told us the case would require a lot more time than he has to do it justice. He did supply an awful lot of counsel, to me, pro bono. Can't go into any details about the situation, simply due to fear that my words could be used against me. Not a comforting feeling, I tell you. Today I got another turn down of representation, after waiting two weeks for a telephone appointment. Ugh. Have to keep on plugging I suppose, called another attorney and left a message. Cold calls aren't terribly fun if something is at stake. Have to remind myself that no lawyer is going to call me first though - I have to initiate it.

What I learned from this is I need to go take a hard look at my estate documents, and make darned sure that nothing like what I'm going through now could possibly happen to my kids. This has been h3ll on me. I would never wish it on anyone.