Nontoxic masculinity

[7milesup]

That she needed to take a strong hand with him now, before it's too late. He's still malleable at this age but if you wait for a man to come along and straighten him up, he will have already set up in the shape that he will be for the rest of his life. I told her she had to use the belt on him; not as a punishment for crying, but when he does wrong.

Yeah, no. Let's make America great again by going back to beatings. Folks believe that that is how to "fix kids these days." Most likely, it will not work.
I have a daughter that was "difficult" when she was a teenager, and I'm not talking about just a few slamming of doors. I flew (worked) with many guys who told me, "I should put her in her place." If I had followed their advice, my daughter would be dead. She, without a doubt, would have committed suicide. Instead, we took a different approach, and today she is a happy, healthy adult.
That is all that I am going to say about this.

 

[strantor]

I feel like your supposed to step in.

I feel like I missed something rather huge and it took a stranger on the internet to point it out to me. She probably wasn't asking for advice. I should have known; I said it myself, nobody asks for parenting advice. She was asking me to take her son without asking me to take her son. And I responded in what probably came across to her as an overly judgmental "hell no." I can be so dense when it comes to subtle things, reading between the lines, etc. That must be the toxic masculinity coming through...

 

[strantor]

Yeah, no. Let's make America great again by going back to beatings. Folks believe that that is how to "fix kids these days." Most likely, it will not work.
I have a daughter that was "difficult" when she was a teenager, and I'm not talking about just a few slamming of doors. I flew (worked) with many guys who told me, "I should put her in her place." If I had followed their advice, my daughter would be dead. She, without a doubt, would have committed suicide. Instead, we took a different approach, and today she is a happy, healthy adult.
That is all that I am going to say about this.

I wasn't talking about a teenage girl, I was talking about a 7 y/o boy. A teenage girl is not malleable; she's past the point where discipline could have made a difference and now the opposite of malleable. At that age the harder you try the harder they push back. Whatever your different approach was, it's probably something I too would endorse. I definitely wouldn't recommend "putting her in her place."

 

[projectnut]

There are a few programs that specialize in mentoring young boys. Among them are Big Brothers and Boys to Men Networking. I don't know much about either other than they seem to be popular with single mothers attempting to correct the course of minor children lacking a father figure.

 

[strantor]

There are a few programs that specialize in mentoring young boys. Among them are Big Brothers and Boys to Men Networking. I don't know much about either other than they seem to be popular with single mothers attempting to correct the course of minor children lacking a father figure.

Thanks for this. I checked them out on your suggestion; Boys to Men is for kids older than he is, but Big Brothers Big Sisters seems like a good option so I forwarded her the link along with a link to her local Boy Scouts troop.

 

[rwdenney]

1. I think I would have asked her to define “toxic masculinity.” She probably would have described the boy’s father’s failings (assuming the marriage ended in divorce). Then I would have asked her what a man should be like. She might have given you a better answer than you would have predicted. Too many men are not a credit to their sex.

2. Spankings are not beatings. Let me repeat that: spankings are not beatings. But even parents who oppose corporal punishment should decide whether it’s spanking they oppose or all punishment. Too often it’s the latter because they want little buddies instead of future adults. The principle of consequences for misbehavior should drive the choices, and spanking doesn’t work for all children. Grounding, loss of privileges, extra work duty around the house—those can also provide consequences. Consistency and proportionality is a must, and must be delivered without visible anger. Angry parents teach anger, and real men control their emotions when it’s appropriate to do so.

3. A single boy in a house full of females needs his own room.

4. Regular church is a good idea, but churches are full of humans like everywhere else. Attentiveness required as everywhere. Look for one that preaches principles more than rules. Look for one that worships God. Some churches have “Ranger” groups for boys—an alternative to modern Scouting.

5. Not all boys benefit from martial arts. Not all boys need to be athletic. Neither is required for masculinity. But work, fitness, and self-reliance are part of the formula, as is curiosity. There are lots of ways to achieve this. Books about boys doing boyish things well that are also entertaining should always be on the shelf and available. In my youth, that included the Hardy Boys, but those are too dated. I don’t know what books are like that these days, but they are worth seeking out. Real men read. Don’t rely on the Internet to fill that void—it is too—toxic—and undisciplined.

6. Toys should promote build creativity. Lego is good, for example, but not the prescribed kits. Get the raw blocks instead.

7. Do not expect a boy to be “the man of the house.” Growing up is a process of expanding privileges and responsibilities. Going too fast can be as much of a problem as going too slow.

Rick “enough for now” Denney

 

[MattM]

I mentor two boys ages 12 and 15. The 15 year old is now proficient in Lathe operations up to and including external threading. The 12 year old has been working on old engines. I call him the "Wrench". Today I might start him on the lathe.

They are both intelligent and eager to learn. It is a very rewarding experience for me (and them).

 

[projectnut]

Thanks for this. I checked them out on your suggestion; Boys to Men is for kids older than he is, but Big Brothers Big Sisters seems like a good option so I forwarded her the link along with a link to her local Boy Scouts troop.

My older brother and I loved Boy Scouts. We both made it to Eagle Scouts and Order of the Arrow. A good leader can direct young boys and support them in current and new fields of interest.

 

[Shotgun]

A 7yr old is going to do what he can to please a care provider.
As a suggestion, I would advise her to watch old movies that portray the good parts of being a man (building and protecting) with her son, and have her call out those good parts. Like you said, men aren't good at picking up on the subtle cues. For the most part, we need women for that. But, once we get the idea of what we need to be, God help the one standing in the way.
Just pointing out that the point of a "mentor" is to demonstrate and instill what a good man should be, and there's more than one way to get that point across.

 

[Qmavam]

To be political, toxic masculinity was created by women about men being men. They don't realize that men built the world they enjoy, from roads and bridges, railroads, office buildings, housing, apartments, the power infrastructure, automobiles, ore mining and processing, also it is mostly men that served to protect this country and designed most of their phones, the internet, ect, Men also keep all of these things running. Men are naturally stronger than women, sure women do some of these jobs, but it is the exceptional women that can do 80% of what a man can do physically. The women spouting toxic masculinity need to temper there attitude with these facts, men built most of the world they have.
I have seen young women that think men are toxic and when presented with these facts, a light bulb actually lights.