If you have a variable speed grinder then there are some general guidelines: coarser belts can be run faster but once you get to 120 grit and finer you need to slow down for best belt life and performance. I am not sure of the SFM values. You might get a better answer on a knife makers forum.
I don't know what other guys do but I choose the grit for the job I want to do - coarser for shaping, finer for finishing. The finer the grit the more heat inherent in the process so you need to find out what grit works for the job you have at hand. I don't have separate belts for steel or aluminum; I grind both with the same belt but I will usually use a much finer belt to shape aluminum than I would for the same job in steel.
Belt sanders that grind wood are belt sanders, while those that cut metal are belt grinders. The latter generally have totally enclosed, fan cooled motors to prevent the ingress of metal dust.
As for which to have if you can only have one, it depends on what you want to do. Some folks are passionate about grinding lathe tools with a grinder, others prefer belt grinders. The advantage to general purpose belt grinders with flat platens is that the edge of your work piece is flat, not concave. For profiling and sheer speed it is hard to beat a belt grinder. The other advantages to a belt grinder is the ease with which you can change grits, no dressing to do and no risk of your belt exploding into shrapnel.
I suspect most of us have both a bench grinder and a belt sander/grinder in the shop. I have both but my bench grinder is used once every several years, while my belt grinder is used weekly or sometimes daily. I grind lathe tools on my belt grinder and may use my bench grinder only for shaping gravers. I'm sure other guys use their bench grinders a lot more than me and with good reason - they work well in their hands. In fact, I would guess more guys grind lathe tools with a bench grinder than on belts but this is slowly changing. For me, I prefer the better precision, control and support I have with a belt grinder for tool grinding. For fabricating I never use a bench grinder - too slow, too hot, and concave edges.