Today's Joke - 2023 Mega Thread

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A thief with a bad stutter was jailed for 2 years yesterday. A police spokesperson said it may take him up to 4 years to finish his sentence.

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

I think I need help, I cant stop reading books with female protagonists. I wonder if I'm a heroine addict?
 
Medicare Plan 'G' -Nursing Home Plan Say you are an 'older Senior Citizen' and can no longer take care of yourself and the government says there is no Nursing Home Care available to you. So, what do you do?? You opt for "Medicare Plan G". This plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Plan G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means that you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you'll receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth, no problem. Need glasses, That's great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or a new heart? They all are covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! Who will be paying for all of this??? The same Government that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a Nursing Home!! As an added bonus you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. Also, now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more Income Taxes!! Is this a great country or what?? Now that I've solved your Senior Financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week....
 
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