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Do you know how to tell when the blonde is making chocolate chip cookies?
M&M shells in the sink...
M&M shells in the sink...
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2017 Archive
- Thread starter Frank Ford
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- Apr 12, 2011
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- 3,572
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples'.
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples'.
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- Nov 28, 2016
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- 2,785
True story...
Years ago, shortly after I got married, my wife was still in college... the telephone rang one afternoon, my wife answered it. It was the Financial Aid office at the college calling to notify her that they could not process her financial aid application because they didn't have her telephone number on file...
No, seriously, that actually happened!
-Bear
Years ago, shortly after I got married, my wife was still in college... the telephone rang one afternoon, my wife answered it. It was the Financial Aid office at the college calling to notify her that they could not process her financial aid application because they didn't have her telephone number on file...
No, seriously, that actually happened!
-Bear
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2013
- Messages
- 1,448
A manager wants to find and fix software bugs more quickly.
He offers an incentive plan: $20 for each bug the Quality Assurance
people find and $20 for each bug the programmers fix. (These are
the same programmers who create the bugs.) Result: An underground
economy in "bugs" springs up instantly. The plan is rethought after
one employee nets $1,700 the first week.
He offers an incentive plan: $20 for each bug the Quality Assurance
people find and $20 for each bug the programmers fix. (These are
the same programmers who create the bugs.) Result: An underground
economy in "bugs" springs up instantly. The plan is rethought after
one employee nets $1,700 the first week.
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,572
The owner and head of sales of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in Paris on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn’t understand a word the other spoke.
He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park.
Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner.
After dinner, he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several night-clubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening.
It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was utterly amazed and took her home. To this very day, he still doesn’t know how she guessed that he was a furniture salesman!
He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park.
Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner.
After dinner, he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several night-clubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening.
It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was utterly amazed and took her home. To this very day, he still doesn’t know how she guessed that he was a furniture salesman!
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- Apr 12, 2011
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- 3,572
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
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- Jan 2, 2014
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- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,572
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
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- Apr 12, 2011
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- 3,572
The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
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