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Bill Gruby
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OK Randy, it's time out time, go get your little chair and sit and face the corner for 60 minutes.
"Billy G"
"Billy G"
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2017 Archive
- Thread starter Frank Ford
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At bedtime the husband carefully poured a nice glass of water and placed it on a plate along with a couple aspirin and gracefully offered it to the wife saying "honey, these will make your headache feel better" she while not thinking answered. .."what is with all of that as I have no headache tonight....
He answered in terms cannot be stated here but he had a very large smile as he jumped into bed....
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337Z using Tapatalk
He answered in terms cannot be stated here but he had a very large smile as he jumped into bed....
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337Z using Tapatalk
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- Feb 1, 2015
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- 9,981
Unfortunately, those headaches can come on extremely rapidly.
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
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- 3,571
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'
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- Aug 5, 2015
- Messages
- 278
Last wishes
Old Morrie Schwartz lived all his life in the Florida Keys and he is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him at his bedside.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sheila, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"My son, Irving, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."
"Barbra, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
The wife replies, "No, he has a paper route."
Old Morrie Schwartz lived all his life in the Florida Keys and he is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him at his bedside.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sheila, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"My son, Irving, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."
"Barbra, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
The wife replies, "No, he has a paper route."
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- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,571
It was a sunny Saturday morning of golf, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker--
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee please back up to the Men's Tee!"
Mike, still deep in his routine, seemed impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--
"Would the man on the Ladies Tee kindly back up to the Men's tee, PLEASE!"
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee please back up to the Men's Tee!"
Mike, still deep in his routine, seemed impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--
"Would the man on the Ladies Tee kindly back up to the Men's tee, PLEASE!"
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
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- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,571
One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.
The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!”
The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!”
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- Jan 20, 2016
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- 1,011
A man was having computer problems.
So he called Eric, the 11-year-old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, the man called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”
The man didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.”
Eric grinned, “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” he replied.
Eric told him to write it down and he’d figure it out.
So the man wrote down: ID10T
He used to like Eric, know he thinks he’s a little jerk.
So he called Eric, the 11-year-old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, the man called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”
The man didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.”
Eric grinned, “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” he replied.
Eric told him to write it down and he’d figure it out.
So the man wrote down: ID10T
He used to like Eric, know he thinks he’s a little jerk.
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,571
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
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