Cheerleading

[Ischgl99]

Ok, before I forcefully extricate myself from this conversation and get back to doing what I'm paid to do, I want to drop a new seed.

I said that I would be supportive if she decided to join. Then she joined. I was not expecting her to do that. Now I have to follow through. How do I do that? How do I support her doing something I absolutely don't believe in; something that fundamentally rubs me the wrong way?

You seem to be letting your biases from years past cloud your judgement. While the justification for it is supporting the football team (do you feel the same way about marching band?), it has become just as much a sport as what my kids play. Back when I was in school, cheerleading was full of stuck up girls wanting to be popular, now they have their own competitions outside of the sports they support, and there are scholarships at colleges available for cheerleaders. It might not be much money, but it’s something.

I had a laugh at the comment that you didn’t expect her to join after you said ok, once she heard that, there was no way she was not going to join! Step one, put your biases from when you were in school away and open your eyes to present day cheerleading. There is going to be some of what you experienced, but overall it should be a good experience for her. She’s going to learn hard work, following rules, etc that will make her a better person. She needs to see you attending her events and congratulating her when she does well and supporting her when she has a bad day, no different than anything else she does in her life. That’s pretty much what any kid wants. If you say I told you so, well expect a ****** off daughter that will take a while to be open with you again. My daughter does dance and it’s not much different than cheerleading, there is the popularity contests, days when things go well, days when she feels like an outcast, but she keeps going back because she loves it so much. On the car rides home, I just listen and don’t pass judgement, and she is much more open with me because of that.

 

[Ischgl99]

I hear you, but damn, we just couldn't afford the travel after a couple of years. We had to bail on hockey with our first son. I wish we had found a way to stick with it, I regret it to this day.

With that said, only one guy from Saint Albans made it to the NHL more than 20 years ago. And you wouldn't believe how crazy this town is about hockey and how many think their kid is going to the NHL.

I am lucky to only have one kid playing hockey, but the other dances, not sure which is worse! Some parents in our league have 4 kids playing at the same time. Our hockey program is relatively cheap compared to others in the area. I was floored when I heard some are paying $6k per year, I think the most I payed for a season was $2k. One bonus to my son playing hockey, after getting laid off a number of years ago, my wife wanted me to stop traveling and raise the kids since she traveled as well. She’s much better at keeping her mouth shut about stupid corporate policies. That lead to switching from an engineering career to open a photography company specializing in sports. I cover all the home games for my son’s high school team and get front row to the action in addition to shooting youth games in the area. I’m also the photographer for my daughter’s dance studio, it’s nice offsetting the costs of your kids activities doing something I love as well.

 

[higgite]

Looking for feedback on this. Am I being a stick in the mud?

That would be a massive understatement. Just MHO.

Tom

 

[mickri]

I was a single parent. Raised my kids, son and daughter, through middle school and high school. I didn't care what my kids were interested in as long as it wasn't illegal. I 100% supported them in their chosen activities. The only thing that I demanded was that they strive for excellence in whatever they chose to do. To be the best that they could be. Not somebody else's best. Their best. I demanded this in their school work too. They did well in school.

My daughter played soccer. She was good. Not as good as some of the other girls even though she played to the best of her ability and then some. Good enough to make the all star team every year in our local AYSO. She went on to be the president of her sorority in college and then to teaching. Somewhere along the way she learned people management skills. Got her students to do stuff other teachers and administrators didn't thing was possible. She is now a stay at home mom helping her husband run their cattle ranch.

My son was into surfing. That was his passion. He was good at any sport that he tried. He probably could have been a pro golfer. He was scoring in the 70's from the ladies' tees when he was in 6th grade. He played golf because his mom's parents who were watching him after school wouldn't let him go surfing. It was very apparent early on that he was way better than the other kids at surfing. In high school he won three national amateur titles including the prestigious Open Men's title one year. Also lead his high school surf team to the first of many national titles. Went on to travel the world on the pro surf tour after high school. Made it into the top 50. His major sponsor was Reef Sandals. One winter they picked him up in the corporate jet for a snowboarding weekend in Colorado. Asked him what his long term plans were. Sales marketing was his response. Later that year Reef offered him sales position in a territory that had been neglected. Said he could achieve 2 million plus in sales after a couple of years of hard work. In his first full year he did 2.8 million in sales. He is now in charge of sales nation wide and has some marketing functions too.

Back to cheerleading. I wrestled in high school. Not great but good enough to be on varsity. Turned down a wrestling scholarship at a local college. At my high school the cheerleaders fought over who got to go to the wrestling matches. They much preferred going to wrestling verses basketball. Surprised a lot of schools when our cheerleaders showed up to cheer us on.

The point of all of this is that you need to support your daughter 100% in her chosen activity. To motivate her to always strive for excellence in whatever she does. With your support she will learn positive life lessons that will stick with her throughout her life.

 

[twraska]

My daughter is 15, turning 16 in a few months. She has asked the past few years if she can join cheerleading, and while I'm not in favor of it, I did not forbid it. Yet each time try-outs come up, she asks again (because "last time you said I couldn't"). And I have to reiterate that I never said she couldn't, and re-hash this conversation:


Me: "Why do you want to spend your time leading praise & worship services in honor of football players? Do the football players come cheer at your basketball games? Does the cheerleading squad even come cheer at your basketball games? Does it not seem a little 'off' to you, that cheerleaders' entire purpose is to pump up the egos of the football team? If you're going to invest that kind of time and effort (that cheerleading requires) into building your high school image, wouldn't you rather be known for something that you're actually interested in and/or good at, rather than for dancing around in a short skirt for someone else who's good at something else that you don't even care about?"

Her: "They do other stuff dad, like go to UIL and cheer competitions"

Me: "Does the football team attend cheerleaders UIL and the cheer competitions to support the cheerleaders? You know, firefighters also go to competitions. They compete climbing ladders and stuff. Why do firefighters exist? Is it to go to competitions?"

Her: "No, it's to fight fires."

Me: "and why do cheerleaders exist?"

Her: "Dad it's not about that, it's just, like, you know, like, just for fun."

Me: "There are other fun things you can do. Things that will benefit you more in life than cheerleading. Are you seriously not interested in any of them?"

Her: "Well all my friends are doing cheerleading and I just want to try it."

Me: "Well, it's not something you 'just try.' They have strict rules and they expect to own your life. Do you remember last year they sent home a handbook with you that was 1/4" thick and detailed every little thing they expect of you, lest you be kicked off the squad? How they expect you to act, talk, dress? How you, and by extension I must obtain permission in writing for you to be excused from practices during summer and spring break if we want to go on vacation? I would have to pay a rather large non-refundable amount for you to join, and if I pay it, you had better believe that you will be at every single practice and event they want you at. I will not have that money wasted on you getting kicked off the squad."

Her: "It's not that much money and they don't even practice that much."

Me: "Until you have a job and your own money, I will decide how much is 'not much money' and I can guarantee that your 'not much practice' will inevitably coincide with whenever it is we have an opportunity to go out of town. That's just how things work."

Her: "..."

Me: "Look, you need to think more about this. You're being flippant, treating it like it's an inconsequential thing, something you're just going to dip your toe into for an opportunity to hang out with your friends. Cheerleading is much more than that. Talk to your friends who are cheerleaders, talk to their coach. Find out what the practice schedule is, find out exactly how often they practice over summer and during the school year. Find out what they actually do, apart from cartwheels during halftime, and decide if it (it = actual cheerleading, not just hanging out with friends) is something that you actually want to do, and if you think it's something you can actually manage in terms of time and being still able to study and pass all your classes. If this is something that you're actually passionate about and feel compelled to do, then I will support you in it. But if it's anything else, if there's any half-heartedness in it at all, then you probably shouldn't do it."

Her: "Ok, I will."




Then I don't hear any more about it until a year later when the "Last time you said I couldn't" accusation comes back around. Had this discussion again Monday night, and this time I said "I'm recording this, so that I don't have to remember my script next year. I can just play it back to you. And I'm going to save it in a secure folder to play back to my grandkids in 20 years when they come and ask me how come I didn't let mommy be a cheerleader." She said OK.

This evening she informed us that she finally signed up. Sigh. Ok, well I hope it's everything you expected and more.

I am self aware enough to know that my opinions are tainted with bitterness and are formed mostly by my own unsatisfactory high school experience, but I don't think that invalidates them. My opinion on high school hasn't changed a bit since I graduated 18 years ago. I think the wholesale worship of football players is unhealthy, most of all for the players themselves. We turn them into living legends at age 17 and by the time they're 19 most of them will be nobodies. How much sense does that make? How does that set these young men up for success in life? And I thought we were supposed to all about empowering women these days; how does that jive with reinforcing the traditional gender hierarchy, making the pinnacle of social status a young woman can hope to achieve, be a tool of exaltation of practitioners of a sport that girls aren't even allowed to play?


Looking for feedback on this. Am I being a stick in the mud? Should I just be blindly supportive of whatever school-sanctioned activity my kids become interested in, no matter my own opinions, and no matter their motivations? Is that what a good parent does? (serious question). I mean, I know this is a small thing in the big picture; I could have much worse problems on my hands. My wife was pregnant at the age my daughter is right now.

Let her try out.