I know I am late to the party here. I tried searching and reading - until I dozed out!
The sheer number of brands, types features, jargon and prices. Reviews that are good, reviews that are biased, reviews that are unfair/incompetent/irrelevant, is only part of what we face.
No - I do not want to see a YT video of the "unboxing" of some dude's latest sponsored toy! I am thinking the only way through might have to resort to Baysian weighted attributes decision tree analysis, but before I go slowly crazy, I think there are some yes/no choices that can match to one's needs and budget. There are features that have abbreviations that need translation before even discussing whether one needs it or not. I start from nothing, other than that I remember
@DavidR8 bought a Primeweld and a Esab mask.
1. Stick, MIG, TIG? Can any welder do more than one?
MIG is probably easiest to learn. Yes, there are multiprocess machines that can do more than one thing. The Lincoln 210 MP is a nice machine that can do stick, MIG and DC TIG. (It can't do AC TIG though, AC TIG is needed for aluminum, though you can do aluminum with MIG and special wire and gas)
2. Gas, or gasless? What's the deal there?
MIG and TIG require gass (that's what the G stands for) Stick and flux core don't use gass, they have flux in the stick or wire that serves the same purpose, but they also produce dirtier welds (more slag) that has to be cleaned off.
3. How many amps for HM-style hobby use, if generally about 1/4" or maybe 5/16" angle, or common box sections up to about 50mm square is what we expect?
Depends on thickness and material, but for 14# I would look in the 180-210 range. The machine specs will list capabilities.
4. Helmet - features essential. What are they?
Welders masks come in two main flavors, Fixed-shade (glass is always dark) and autodarkening. Don't cheap out, get a good one your eyes can't be replaced.
5. Inverter or transformer? Inverter I guess. Only from what I know about electronics, I decode IGBT to mean "Insulated Gaste Bipolar Transistor".
6. Which YouTube reviews are really useful?
This old tony has some nice ones on TIG
7.HF Ignition? How does that work?
This is for TIG. High freq ignition alows you to start the arc without touching the electrode to the material. Lift start, you start touching and when you lift up, the arc is created.
8. Torch cooling - water or air, or don't need to bother? What is needed?
More TIG related, I think. Depends on how much you are doing. For smaller projects, air cooled is fine. If your working for a few hours straight, water cooled.
9. Given I am in UK, and in current circumstances have to use online ordering, the only common point in finding respected brands is Amazon or eBay (perhaps). There are outlets in UK for traditional established brands e.g. Lincoln or similar.
Lincoln is a good brand, Miller is another. My son is a welder. He uses Lincoln.
10. Are there types, or indeed brands, that one should avoid?
I'm sure there are... If you stick with Lincoln or Miller, you will be unlikely to go wrong.
11. Is there a (low) price point where one may reasonably suspect the quality is likely to be crap? The price range for similar-looking welders can be huge. The relationship between price, and current rating is (sort of) there, but with huge variance.
Really depends on how hard you are going to push the machine. For hobbiests, you won't be welding for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Look at duty cycle for your anticipated current (based on what you expect to weld) Some machines will have a 20% duty cycle - that' 10 min continuous and 40 min cool down, others will have a 60% (30 min continuous, 20 cooldown) and still others 100% at the highest setting. More money usually brings a better duty cycle. Duty cycle varies by type of welding and power level, with different makers reporting differently, which can make it hard to compare machines.
12. I even see a Hyundai claiming MIG TIG ARC MMA, apparently all in one. So is there such a thing as "one welder does all"?
There are multiprocess machines, but I'm not aware of any that does "Everything" equally well. We settled on the Lincoln 210MP, which is a multiprocess machine. Never bought the DC TIG head, because that would also mean we need a different gas cylendar. So, would we have been better off with a cheaper single process machine? Maybe. But I want to learn TIG next, and I can learn DC TIG on this machine when I want to so...
13. Other than gloves and auto-darken helmet, is there a list of other kit that can be considered essential?
Clamps, slag hammer, plyers, soapstone marking tool, wire brush, angle grinder, band saw
14. Finally, is there some hope that we can figure out something like a "HM fine and respected" list?