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Welcome back Guest! Did you know you can mentor other members here at H-M? If not, please check out our Relaunch of Hobby Machinist Mentoring Program!
A few groaners:
How do you tell the difference between a gator and a croc? Just find out if it sees you later, or after awhile.
What's the sound one makes while pondering a list of unpleasant chores? A mulled whine.
A horse once had a beautiful, long mane. It was so long and thick that a couple of small birds took refuge in it, even building a nest. The horse didn't mind at first. But then the birds started throwing parties, inviting friends over, and things got loud and raucous. The horse couldn't stand the incessant noise but was unable to get the birds to leave.
The horse asked a friend, who suggested they spread yeast all over the mane. It didn't seem to make sense at first, but the horse agreed, and they did it. The birds were indeed forced to leave, and the horse enjoyed the peace and quiet.
The moral to the story is yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.
IF YOU PUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER ON SPEED DIAL, IT’S CALLED INSTAGRAM
So, Don Quixote goes up to the cash register in the pharmacy to pay for his prescriptions, & the cashier takes one look at him & says "You're Don Quixote! I'm a huge fan!" Don Quixote's eyes get all narrow & squinty, so the cashier takes a step back & says quietly, "Will that be cash or charge?”
Have you heard about the lightning bug that backed into a fan? Delighted no end.
A man is about to undergo surgery. Just after the anesthesia drip starts to take effect, he hears someone say "Don't worry, Stephen. This is just a routine operation."
The man says, "Thanks, but my name isn't Stephen."
The surgeon says, "I know. I'm Stephen.”
Jimmy Jones and Lorraine Lee were high school sweethearts who married and lived together happily for many years, sharing good times with Lorraine's sister Claire. Over many years, Jimmy came to love both women deeply, although he always stayed true to Lorraine. Claire knew and understood.
One rainy day, Lorraine was in a traffic accident and died instantly. After the funeral events, there were condolences and hugs to be endured, but in the end, Jimmy and his parents were alone.
The three were silent for a long time. Then Jimmy started to alternately laugh and then cry, laugh and then cry. Finally his father asked him, "What is it, son?"
Jimmy replied, "I can see Claire Lee now; Lorraine is gone.”
I was driving home the other day when I was cut off by a reckless Jeep driver. I let him go ahead because I decided it was not worth crossing the Rubicon.
Why doesn't the corn military have an effective chain of command? Because it's entirely made up of kernels!
I don’t like going through corn mazes … I feel like I’m being stalked.
How do you tell the difference between a gator and a croc? Just find out if it sees you later, or after awhile.
What's the sound one makes while pondering a list of unpleasant chores? A mulled whine.
A horse once had a beautiful, long mane. It was so long and thick that a couple of small birds took refuge in it, even building a nest. The horse didn't mind at first. But then the birds started throwing parties, inviting friends over, and things got loud and raucous. The horse couldn't stand the incessant noise but was unable to get the birds to leave.
The horse asked a friend, who suggested they spread yeast all over the mane. It didn't seem to make sense at first, but the horse agreed, and they did it. The birds were indeed forced to leave, and the horse enjoyed the peace and quiet.
The moral to the story is yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.
IF YOU PUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER ON SPEED DIAL, IT’S CALLED INSTAGRAM
So, Don Quixote goes up to the cash register in the pharmacy to pay for his prescriptions, & the cashier takes one look at him & says "You're Don Quixote! I'm a huge fan!" Don Quixote's eyes get all narrow & squinty, so the cashier takes a step back & says quietly, "Will that be cash or charge?”
Have you heard about the lightning bug that backed into a fan? Delighted no end.
A man is about to undergo surgery. Just after the anesthesia drip starts to take effect, he hears someone say "Don't worry, Stephen. This is just a routine operation."
The man says, "Thanks, but my name isn't Stephen."
The surgeon says, "I know. I'm Stephen.”
Jimmy Jones and Lorraine Lee were high school sweethearts who married and lived together happily for many years, sharing good times with Lorraine's sister Claire. Over many years, Jimmy came to love both women deeply, although he always stayed true to Lorraine. Claire knew and understood.
One rainy day, Lorraine was in a traffic accident and died instantly. After the funeral events, there were condolences and hugs to be endured, but in the end, Jimmy and his parents were alone.
The three were silent for a long time. Then Jimmy started to alternately laugh and then cry, laugh and then cry. Finally his father asked him, "What is it, son?"
Jimmy replied, "I can see Claire Lee now; Lorraine is gone.”
I was driving home the other day when I was cut off by a reckless Jeep driver. I let him go ahead because I decided it was not worth crossing the Rubicon.
Why doesn't the corn military have an effective chain of command? Because it's entirely made up of kernels!
I don’t like going through corn mazes … I feel like I’m being stalked.
How proud I would to show these to my fishing buddies!