2017 Archive

[Bytor]

Did you hear about the pony with a sore throat?

He was a little hoarse.

 

[Bill Gruby]

YEA !!!!!! --- The groaners are back.

"Billy G"

 

[MozamPete]

Not sure where I got this poem, may of been from this forum so apologies if I’m repeating someone else’s post. But it’s good.

The Designer

The designer sat at his drafting board
A wealth of knowledge in his head was stored
Like "What can be done on a radial drill
Or a turret lathe or a vertical mill?"
But above all things a knack he had
Of driving gentle machinists mad.
So he mused as he thoughtfully scratched his bean
"Just how can I make this thing hard to machine?"
If I make this perfect body straight
The job had ought to come out first rate
But would be so easy to turn and bore
That it would never make a machinist sore
So I'll put a compound taper there
And a couple of angles to make them swear
And brass would work for this little gear
But its too damned easy to work I fear
So just to make the machinist squeal
I'll make him mill it from tungsten steel
And I'll put these holes that hold the cap
Down underneath where they can't be tapped
Now if they can make this it'll just be luck
Cause it can't be held by dog or chuck
And it can't be planed and it can't be ground
So I feel my design is unusually sound.
And he shouted in glee, "Success at last!
This goddam thing can't even be cast.',

 

[RJSakowski]

So the enterprising machinist decides to make the part using 3D direct metal laser sintering. Now give the damn thing back to the designer to have him verify the dimensions.

 

[RandyM]

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

 

[RandyM]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

 

[Groundhog]

. . . I was looking for the expiration date.

- that put me on the floor and my sides hurt!

 

[RandyM]

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, "Well, at this rate, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, Ma'am," replied the clerk. "With all that wind kicking up over there and that brand new broom you have in your basket, you'll be home in no time."

 

[Reeltor]

Not sure where I got this poem, may of been from this forum so apologies if I’m repeating someone else’s post. But it’s good.

The Designer

The designer sat at his drafting board
A wealth of knowledge in his head was stored
Like "What can be done on a radial drill
Or a turret lathe or a vertical mill?"
But above all things a knack he had
Of driving gentle machinists mad.
So he mused as he thoughtfully scratched his bean
"Just how can I make this thing hard to machine?"
If I make this perfect body straight
The job had ought to come out first rate
But would be so easy to turn and bore
That it would never make a machinist sore
So I'll put a compound taper there
And a couple of angles to make them swear
And brass would work for this little gear
But its too damned easy to work I fear
So just to make the machinist squeal
I'll make him mill it from tungsten steel
And I'll put these holes that hold the cap
Down underneath where they can't be tapped
Now if they can make this it'll just be luck
Cause it can't be held by dog or chuck
And it can't be planed and it can't be ground
So I feel my design is unusually sound.
And he shouted in glee, "Success at last!
This goddam thing can't even be cast.',

The Poem reminded me of a story that a retired engineer/designer from Lockheed (aircraft) told me. A few years after retirement he went back to visit with his buddies at work. While there a new, wet behind the ears, graduate of Georgia Tech took a phone call from the shop floor. The call got heated and drew everyone's attention. Apparently the foreman on the line called to explain that the part could not be made as drawn with the equipment on-hand. The young engineer yelled into the phone that he'll come down to the line and show how to make the part. Well, the entire design/engineering floor followed the young guy downstairs where all the machinist were gathered around to see how to make this mystery part. The young guy fiddle-farted around for awhile and took some ribbing when he realized that the machinist were right and the part could not be made as drawn!
My retired client thought it was great fun

 

[RandyM]

Bob, a man of few words, had evaded many a marital trap, but was now hopelessly in love with pretty young Sue. Finally he said, "Will you marry me, Sue?"
She smiled and said, "Oh yes, Bob."
There followed a long silence, till Sue said, "Well, say something more, Bob."
And Bob said hollowly, "I think I've said too much as it is."