2017 Archive

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Three men were talking about what their children would be saying about them thirty years from now.
"I would like my children to say, 'He was successful in business'," declared the first man.
"Thirty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man'."
Turning to the third man, the first one asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in thirty years?"
"Me?" the third man replied, "I want them all to say, 'He certainly looks good for his age'!"
 
I was cleaning out some email files and came across this one from one of my favorite story tellers and humorist who's passed on. I have more experience with the cottonmouths than is do with the home brew but the two combined is funny, plus, what else could tame a cottonmouth but corn liquor.

Justin Wilson, Cajun Humor.

Boudreaux been fish’n down by de bayou all day an he done run outta dem night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he see a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He know dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decide to steal dat froggie.

Dat snake, he be a cottonmouf water moccasin, so Boudreaux hafta be real careful or he get bit. He sneak up behine dat snake and grab him roun de haid. Dat ole snake don’t lak dat one bit. He squirm and wrap hisself roun Boudreaux’s arm try’n to get hissef free. But Boudreaux, he gotta real good grip on his haid, yeh.

Well, Boudreaux pry dat snake’s mouf open and get de frog and put it in he bait can. Now, Boudreaux know he cain’t let go dat snake or he’s gonna bite him good, but he got him a plan. He reach into de back pocket of he bib overalls and pull out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake’s mouf. Well, dat snake’s eyeballs roll back in he haid and he body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou, den he go back to fish’n.

While later Boudreaux feel sumpin tapp’n on he barefoot toe. He look down and dere be dat cottonmouf water moccasin, wid two more frogs.
 
Justin Wilson! That brings back memories.

I first heard Justin on an LP titled "Justin Wilson Out in the Outhouse". That would have been back in the late sixties when he was a stand-up comedian. His act cleaned up considerably when he had his gourmet chef show on TV.
 
RJSakowski said:
Justin Wilson! That brings back memories.

I first heard Justin on an LP titled "Justin Wilson Out in the Outhouse". That would have been back in the late sixties when he was a stand-up comedian. His act cleaned up considerably when he had his gourmet chef show on TV.
Click to expand...
I seem to remember he used humor to keep form putting the workers to sleep at his safety engineering job. His love of cooking came from his Mom so it seems reasonable he would clean it up a bit, although he could be saucy at times.
 
Dad joke in honor of Father's day:

Did you hear about the Dad that invented the Knock-Knock joke?

He won the No-Bell prize.
 
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
 
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?
 
A woman went to doctor's office for her annual examination.

Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about.

A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman's doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children, and seven grandchildren... and you told her she was pregnant?"

The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"
 
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