# How do you ask your wife to leave?



## GunsOfNavarone

Yes, I'm afraid it is that time. All relationships change over time. Needs, wants, desires, etc... After 30 years, I need to ask my wife to leave.....the garage. Seriously, I need more space! That would be HUGE! We have a 2 car garage and my half is packed with tools and machines....her side? A stoopid car. Not even a awesome car...just a car.
Anyone else been in or currently in this position? What to do??


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## DavidR8

I cast a 'yes' vote but with a proviso. You need to give her an alternative. Build a carport maybe?


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## GunsOfNavarone

No real estate for that David...and HOA's here have their noses in EVERYTHING you do. I need to sell her car and buy her a bicycle!


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## wrat

Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.
No need to be coy, Roy.
Just listen to me....

Just hop on the bus, Gus.....


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## matthewsx

You have half the garage. 

I'm not familiar with Lakewood but in Michigan we get snow. 

Free up more space on your side or move to a place where you can have a dedicated shop.

JMHO,

John


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## Shootymacshootface

You need to build her another garage. I don't see any other way.


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## DavidR8

GunsOfNavarone said:


> No real estate for that David...and HOA's here have their noses in EVERYTHING you do. I need to sell her car and buy her a bicycle!


Do they restrict outside parking? Is that why the car is in the garage?


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## Ulma Doctor

I'd say ...
"It's not you, it's me. 
please don't be hurt. 
you are still attractive and fun to play with, but that only goes so far.
I'm a man who has needs and desires, that only the cold touch of cast iron or steel, or possibly an optical comparator can satisfy.
honey we had a good run- but i want to see other machines- in the garage. 
don't go away mad, just go away from my garage"


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## Aukai

Your screwed unless you move, or you downsize. I have SLOOOOOOOWLY encroached to about 2/3-3/4 of the garage, but she, and I park outside, no HOA. I also put up a 20 x 25 single slope steel carport for the Chevelle, and the 67 Nova


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## Mini Cooper S

Your problem is that you let her in there to begin with!  We built our house 40 years ago and the mistake that I made was we built the garage too small, only 24 Ft. x 24 Ft.  In 40 years our cars have only been in the garage 2 winters, the rest of the time it's been British street cars or the British vintage race cars.


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## talvare

Trade her car for one of these:




Ted


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## mmcmdl

There's a car in your garage ?  I got the front end of the Honda Civic past the garage door once , only after removing the Kubota , zero turn and 3 four wheelers .


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## samstu

You can buy cheaper than u can build.  Look for a building / barn / shop near you.  Maybe some space for office/her hobby.  Maybe get some land too.

My shop building is 2 miles away.  No complaints from wife or neighbors.  No HOA.  3 phase power too.  This shop I own. 

For a couple years, I rented a commercial unit in an industrial park.  Other guys had shops there,  so I lent and borrowed tools and expertise. I miss that connection.

Otherwise there's always the basement or a lift for her car.

Or she could get an off shift job so that pesky car isn't in the way of real work.


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## mksj

Move. That's what I did, now have a 4 car garage with 2 bays for my machines. Also got tired of the HOA and all the BS, so new house has no HOA.


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## bl00

I put a 1600 lb shaper in her parking space and told her it was temporary.  That was three years ago.


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## samstu

Disregard previous post.  Don't build anything.  Your wife's car should be replaced with a heavy service truck with a welder, tools, air compressor etc.  Make sure it's 4 wheel drive and diesel.  Let her pick the color.


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## Tozguy

Ask her if you can install a new drill press in the kitchen because there is nowhere else to put it that you can find. And not to worry that you will find a way not to track dirt and grease in from the garage when you come in the kitchen to use it. She might come up with a better idea than you where to put it.


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## Aukai

Up his butt may be uncomfortable


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## extropic

ROTFLMAO.

But seriously, you could gain some useful storage volume by using pallet rack to create a "loft" over the hood of her car.
It does have a hood doesn't it? Two uprights (40-44" wide) to the ceiling plus at least four beams and there you are.
The upright in the center of the garage is a "wall" that can also be useful.
Can you park a cargo or camping trailer in your side yard?
I'm certain you realize that any damage to her car (or anything else) will be your fault.
Don't ask her to leave the garage without remuneration. Make a deal with her. What does she want more of?


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## GunsOfNavarone

Love the answer! @Ulma Doctor


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## GunsOfNavarone

DavidR8 said:


> Do they restrict outside parking? Is that why the car is in the garage?


We have 2 spots on the driveway, 4 in front/side of house...


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## GunsOfNavarone

samstu said:


> You can buy cheaper than u can build.  Look for a building / barn / shop near you.  Maybe some space for office/her hobby.  Maybe get some land too.
> 
> My shop building is 2 miles away.  No complaints from wife or neighbors.  No HOA.  3 phase power too.  This shop I own.
> 
> For a couple years, I rented a commercial unit in an industrial park.  Other guys had shops there,  so I lent and borrowed tools and expertise. I miss that connection.
> 
> Otherwise there's always the basement or a lift for her car.
> 
> Or she could get an off shift job so that pesky car isn't in the way of real work.


Ultimately, we are going to retire early and move..maybe to Tennessee. I WILL HAVE a free standing, dedicated steel structure...NO CARS. But that won't be for 5 years if all goes well (I'll be 55-56 then)


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## GunsOfNavarone

Tozguy said:


> Ask her if you can install a new drill press in the kitchen because there is nowhere else to put it that you can find. And not to worry that you will find a way not to track dirt and grease in from the garage when you come in the kitchen to use it. She might come up with a better idea than you where to put it.


Oh...she'll come u with a good idea for where I should put it alright!


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## GunsOfNavarone

This! Not that HOA would allow HERE...but next home.
Steel pre fab
Anyone have good bad stories with something like this (pre fab)


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## brino

GunsOfNavarone said:


> I need to sell her car and buy her a bicycle!



That just might send another, even more dangerous message....... 



Aukai said:


> I have SLOOOOOOOWLY encroached to about 2/3-3/4 of the garage, but she, and I park outside, no HOA.



.....and much less snow, no doubt!



mmcmdl said:


> There's a car in your garage ?



Certainly not in mine. The lathe bench is in front of one roll-up door; it hasn't been opened for about 10 years.
About two years ago I bolted the welding table to the floor blocking 1/2 of the other roll-up door.
The downside, I have to work on the cars in the gravel driveway....and hope the job can wait for spring.....

-brino


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## Dhal22

samstu said:


> You can buy cheaper than u can build.  Look for a building / barn / shop near you.  Maybe some space for office/her hobby.  Maybe get some land too.
> 
> My shop building is 2 miles away.  No complaints from wife or neighbors.  No HOA.  3 phase power too.  This shop I own.
> 
> For a couple years, I rented a commercial unit in an industrial park.  Other guys had shops there,  so I lent and borrowed tools and expertise. I miss that connection.
> 
> Otherwise there's always the basement or a lift for her car.
> 
> Or she could get an off shift job so that pesky car isn't in the way of real work.




This forum has me thinking.   I bought a warehouse a few years ago (also 2 miles from my house) and the tenants more than pay the mortgage by a good bit.   There is one space open that I've been kicking myself to rent but this forum has me thinking about keeping it for myself......  I don't think it has 3 phase power though.


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## mksj

Dhal22 said:


> I don't think it has 3 phase power though


Easy enough to setup an RPC or add some VFD's.  Some of the newer RPC's are surprisingly quiet and plug and play. I saw the AMP by American Rotary at the Bar Z, you hardly new it was running, super simple and portable or just make your own.


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## Tozguy

Ulma Doctor said:


> I'd say ...
> "It's not you, it's me.
> please don't be hurt.
> you are still attractive and fun to play with, but that only goes so far.
> I'm a man who has needs and desires, that only the cold touch of cast iron or steel, or possibly an optical comparator can satisfy.
> honey we had a good run- but i want to see other machines- in the garage.
> don't go away mad, just go away from my garage"



What if th answer is:
"No problemo, just be sure to make room in YOUR garage for a frig, stove and bed.''


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## SLK001

Start moving equipment into the living room.  When she complains, tell her you'll move it into the garage IF she moves her car out.  Let her be part of the "solution"!


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## higgite

GunsOfNavarone said:


> Ultimately, we are going to retire early and move..maybe to Tennessee. I WILL HAVE a free standing, dedicated steel structure...NO CARS. But that won't be for 5 years if all goes well (I'll be 55-56 then)


How much is her car worth? Can you sell it for 5 years' worth of Uber fares? You're welcome. 

Tom


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## FOMOGO

When my wife could no longer park in our 1200sf garage, she told me to add on to the barn and move down there. Now I have 2100sf and actually have her car in the old space. If I get my new space finished this year we may have space for both family cars to be inside. She's a good women, and deserves much better than me, but she hasn't chucked me out yet. Mike


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## Janderso

Ulma Doctor said:


> I'd say ...
> "It's not you, it's me.
> please don't be hurt.
> you are still attractive and fun to play with, but that only goes so far.
> I'm a man who has needs and desires, that only the cold touch of cast iron or steel, or possibly an optical comparator can satisfy.
> honey we had a good run- but i want to see other machines- in the garage.
> don't go away mad, just go away from my garage"


Yeah, women just can't compete with the feel of cold cast iron 
I do have to treat Glenda nicely though, she is the major bread winner.


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## middle.road

A car in the garage? I've heard of that happening.   
When we moved in here I had thoughts of keeping one half of 24x24 open for vehicle repairs.
I've only pulled that off twice in (7) years. And that was just the front end barely into the shop.
And then when I scored the Bridgeport everything shifted so now even that's not possible.


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## Cooter Brown

No don't ask her, Tell her to park outside.

Or

Buy her a new Suv or truck that is to tall to fit in the garage.....lol

Or 

Find a commercial building for lease....... like me.....


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## Downunder Bob

When our house was built 15 years ago the garage is actually 2.5 car size, and I had no thoughts of it becoming a shop.originally we had two cars and two motorbikes in there But then I got a bigger car 4x4 wagon, and it would quite fit only a couple of cm. I had to move it outside.

So I built a car port where the 4X4 stands. Then failing hips and back I had my bike converted to a trike, now everything is wedged in so tight I have to constantly move something just to get at anything else.

Then about 3 years ago I decided to get the lathe, once installed she squealed and cried and was most upset because although her car would still fit, it was only just, She said that I would get cranky if she hit the lathe and damaged it. Now, I said, I'm the most placid guy you could ever want to meet She sort of agreed, but still wasn't happy.

After about a week of her being unhappy, I put my thinking cap on, And suddenly, I had already decided I wanted  a duckboard in front of the lathe, I had the idea, make the duckboard so that when the front wheels of the car touch the duckboard that is where she must stop. Has worked well for 3 years, so all happy again.


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## Ken from ontario

Explain it to her in a friendly manner but clearly that a garage is not a place to park cars.
Fake a few accidents in the shop like trip over a wire, or something like that ,  when she asks what happened  tell her the garage is so cramped that one of these days you may have a serious accident .she need to see  how urgent it is to move out and save her beloved hubby.


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## Ken from ontario

Cooter Brown said:


> No don't ask her, Tell her to park outside.
> 
> Or
> 
> Buy her a new Suv or truck that is to tall to fit in the garage.....lol
> 
> Or
> 
> Find a commercial building for lease....... like me.....
> 
> View attachment 318277


Now that's a nice size shop, the milling machine looks so small in that corner, it would take I/3 of the space in my shop.


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## higgite

The problem here is calling the space a “garage” instead of a “shop”. First item on the agenda is to erase the word “garage” from your vocabulary. Tell her that you know how much she appreciates you allowing her to park her car in your shop for however long it has been and that you have been more than happy to allow her to use the heretofore “extra” space in your shop. But, the time has come that the space occupied by her car is no longer “extra”, it is vital shop space that you now desperately need to continue functioning as a bread winner and ideal husband. Praise her profusely for her understanding of the situation and willingness to park her car elsewhere and offer to give her 24 hours to move her car. Trust me, I know from experience that this approach works. To wit, I now have full access to and use of the half of my garage where my ex used to park her car.

Tom


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## 7milesup

Higgite....

You mention "ex".  I am thinking that in your exhuberance in obtaining full use of your grara... shop, some other factors may have been overlooked.


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## mksj

Tell her you sold her car for a new more fuel efficient model.


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## gr8legs

"I got a new motorbike for my wife"

"Good trade!"

ouch!


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## mattthemuppet2

blimey!

you need to think 3 dimensional. It's like a giant puzzle. First thing to do is to get everything that can be moved off the floor up onto shelves or hanging from the ceiling. Then make a decent bench if you don't already have one so you can organise the things you need to use on a daily or weekly basis. Then figure out what gets used the least (hydraulic press and arbor press for me) and put those near the back against a wall with moveable stuff in front (bandsaw and bikes for me, maybe a welding cart for others). Then figure out what can go under or behind things in dead space. My 6x26 mill and Walker Turner drill press are like this \ / against the back wall.

You'd be amazed at what you can fit into 1/2 of a small 2 car garage. I have a 6x26 mill, floor standing DP, 4x6HF bandsaw, 10t press and 3t arbor press, 6 bikes, a 12ft long bench and a small bench lathe in my "1/2" of the garage, plus space for a bike work stand. Now, I often have to move my commuter bike around if I want to use more than one of those tools as it's typically resting against one of the other ones, but it's all pretty accessible and usable with little effort.

The big plus is that the car is out of the Texan sun in summer and out of the rain and cold in the winter. Would be even better if we lived somewhere where it snowed. Car stays looking good for longer too, no hazing headlights and fading paint.


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## aliva

Get rid of the car, there's no place to go anyway.


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## Ulma Doctor

Tozguy said:


> What if th answer is:
> "No problemo, just be sure to make room in YOUR garage for a frig, stove and bed.''


I'm gonna miss you dear!


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## brino

Cooter Brown said:


> Buy her a new Suv or truck that is to tall to fit in the garage.....lol



Brilliant!
Maybe something that's just 2 inches too wide......"Sorry I had no idea"...
Devious.

-brino


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## GunsOfNavarone

mattthemuppet2 said:


> blimey!
> 
> you need to think 3 dimensional. It's like a giant puzzle. First thing to do is to get everything that can be moved off the floor up onto shelves or hanging from the ceiling. Then make a decent bench if you don't already have one so you can organise the things you need to use on a daily or weekly basis. Then figure out what gets used the least (hydraulic press and arbor press for me) and put those near the back against a wall with moveable stuff in front (bandsaw and bikes for me, maybe a welding cart for others). Then figure out what can go under or behind things in dead space. My 6x26 mill and Walker Turner drill press are like this \ / against the back wall.
> 
> You'd be amazed at what you can fit into 1/2 of a small 2 car garage. I have a 6x26 mill, floor standing DP, 4x6HF bandsaw, 10t press and 3t arbor press, 6 bikes, a 12ft long bench and a small bench lathe in my "1/2" of the garage, plus space for a bike work stand. Now, I often have to move my commuter bike around if I want to use more than one of those tools as it's typically resting against one of the other ones, but it's all pretty accessible and usable with little effort.
> 
> The big plus is that the car is out of the Texan sun in summer and out of the rain and cold in the winter. Would be even better if we lived somewhere where it snowed. Car stays looking good for longer too, no hazing headlights and fading paint.


I have used every vertical and horizontal inch in the "shop". I'm building a short chop/bobber and it's a struggle to find room to do anything. A have a foot or 2 in front of each of my most used machines/toolbox etc...but it's also limited any expansion I really want a cnc plasma table. I would have a lot more if I had room. I do get paid to work in y shop as I work from home every Thursday for my employer making/fixing things. So technically, it is my partial office as well.


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## Janderso

mksj said:


> Tell her you sold her car for a new more fuel efficient model.
> View attachment 318290


The woman or the bike?


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## matthewsx

Yes, like everything else in a marriage you need to be open about what is going on with you. Be prepared to really listen to her concerns. DO NOT dismiss or rationalize anything while you are discussing it. Talk maybe 1/4 the time you normally would and don't be afraid of waiting until she breaks the silence.

If she wants to talk it through go ahead but let her lead with her concerns. If she's anything like my wife she will need time to process the change you are proposing, make sure she knows it's not a decision you have already made and are just looking for her acceptance/acquiesce. It probably goes along with the discussion about retirement and what type of lifestyle you are planning for that so the better you two are alligned in that area the more likely you'll be able to come to some kind of agreement.

Are you prepared to go out and clear her car off every time she wants to run down the street to visit a friend? Really think it through and make sure you can see things from her perspective as much as possible. It might be a BIG deal for her, or it might not but you won't know unless you discuss it.

John


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## matthewsx

GunsOfNavarone said:


> I have used every vertical and horizontal inch in the "shop". I'm building a short chop/bobber and it's a struggle to find room to do anything. A have a foot or 2 in front of each of my most used machines/toolbox etc...but it's also limited any expansion I really want a cnc plasma table. I would have a lot more if I had room. I do get paid to work in y shop as I work from home every Thursday for my employer making/fixing things. So technically, it is my partial office as well.



This virus is making almost everyone re-asses what is important in life. If your employer is willing to give you an extra few days a month to work from home that might be seen as positive for your wife, provided you are pleasant to be around while you are, or it allows you to do additional stuff for your home.

If you're planning on moving in 5 years now is the time to start clearing stuff out. A shop expansion might make sense, or maybe there's a spot in the house (like a spare room) for small detail work that doesn't involve chips or fumes. Or maybe there's a hobby that she would like to get into that would be compatible with extra shop space where her car used to be.

Many of us are married to women who are much smarter than we are (raises hand) so any problem we see is intractable they might have a good solution for it.

John


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## 7milesup

John, you are a voice of reason.  Now stop it!!  LOL


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## kd4gij

Just make sure you get her car covered in chips and dust all the time. Things will take care of them self then.


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## GunsOfNavarone

So 26.7% say tell her to get out, 13.3% say let her stay and 60% say I'm screwed. Looks like I will have to wait until we move. In the interim, I will pull her car out a lot, put things in her way and maybe take my time getting them moved until she can get back in...set a situation of inconvenience for both of us I guess. Seems sort of passive aggressive, but come on, I live for my shop, I get paid to work in there. I have made her tools and things she needs (she has a dog collar making business.) I keep this house and all 3 cars running.That garage, NO DOUBT, keeps this household moving. RIGHT?!


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## matthewsx

GunsOfNavarone said:


> So 26.7% say tell her to get out, 13.3% say let her stay and 60% say I'm screwed. Looks like I will have to wait until we move. In the interim, I will pull her car out a lot, put things in her way and maybe take my time getting them moved until she can get back in...set a situation of inconvenience for both of us I guess. Seems sort of passive aggressive, but come on, I live for my shop, I get paid to work in there. I have made her tools and things she needs (she has a dog collar making business.) I keep this house and all 3 cars running.That garage, NO DOUBT, keeps this household moving. RIGHT?!



But why not talk it through with her?

I spent many, many years moving cars out of the way and having a real shop only in the summer. Then I decided some of the stuff that was just being stored could be stored somewhere else. Finally I sold my mom's car and have fully half the garage to work in most of the time.

The situation to avoid is resentment. If you discuss it you will know her feelings and can deal with them, if not you will always be operating with a "could have been" attitude that doesn't help anyone. Maybe her business could be expanded in the newly freed up space and your talents could be used for a dog tag line to complement it. Who knows, it might even go well enough that you can retire even earlier and get that new shop, one that will pay for itself.

john


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## jbobb1

Husband:  Honey, this is my shop, my rules, end of discussion!
Wife: Wake up you ding dong, you're having that same stupid dream again.


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## extropic

GunsOfNavarone said:


> So 26.7% say tell her to get out, 13.3% say let her stay and 60% say I'm screwed. Looks like I will have to wait until we move. In the interim, I will pull her car out a lot, put things in her way and maybe take my time getting them moved until she can get back in...set a situation of inconvenience for both of us I guess. Seems sort of passive aggressive, but come on, I live for my shop, I get paid to work in there. I have made her tools and things she needs (she has a dog collar making business.) I keep this house and all 3 cars running.That garage, NO DOUBT, keeps this household moving. RIGHT?!



Missing question from the survey: Would I be foolish to take advice on my marital relationship from a TH-M survey?

Edit: advice, not advise


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## GunsOfNavarone

extropic said:


> Missing question from the survey: Would I be foolish to take advise on my marital relationship from a TH-M survey?


@extropic this really is for fun. I'm PROBABLY not going t much...other than grumble under my breath. It is on my mind a lot, this is my outlet all the time, but right now, it's kinda my everything. After work last night, I just went and welded coupon for an hour, I'm making a case today for some of my calibration tools. Somewhere to forget what's going on in the world....


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## JimDawson

I guess you could do what I did, just go buy another piece of property with a shop already on it and tell her about it after the deal was done.


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## GunsOfNavarone

@JimDawson That will be the deal when we retire early and move from Colorado. She knows the free standing detached shop is a must have, or at least the land to build it on.


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## extropic

GunsOfNavarone said:


> @extropic this really is for fun. I'm PROBABLY not going t much...other than grumble under my breath. It is on my mind a lot, this is my outlet all the time, but right now, it's kinda my everything. After work last night, I just went and welded coupon for an hour, I'm making a case today for some of my calibration tools. Somewhere to forget what's going on in the world....



I understood it's all tongue-in-cheek.
My previous reply was supposed to be more of the same. 
I should have included some emoticons.


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## matthewsx

The question might be for fun but it's a serious question. If there was something really important to her wouldn't you want to know about it and discuss it with her?

Certainly this isn't the place for making decisions that should be made with one's spouse, but it actually is a good place to find out how others have dealt with similar questions. The older I get the more I wish I had learned from the experience of others more than my own....

What we (everyone in the whole world) is going through now with COVID-19 will end up having a deep impact on how we see ourselves, our communities and the larger world around us. Now is a great time to sit down with the people we love and have real discussions about what is important in life and how we can support each other.

I honestly believe you would be doing a disservice to your marriage by not discussing it with your wife.

Sorry to be so serious about this but it clearly means a lot to you and there really is no better time to discuss these things than right now when everyone's plans are in flux.

John


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## JimDawson

JimDawson said:


> I guess you could do what I did, just go buy another piece of property with a shop already on it and tell her about it after the deal was done.




I guess I should note here that it was not unusual for me to buy or sell property without any discussion.  Just a normal part of me doing business.  I think in a normal family situation this might not be a good thing.


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## GunsOfNavarone

matthewsx said:


> The question might be for fun but it's a serious question. If there was something really important to her wouldn't you want to know about it and discuss it with her?
> 
> Certainly this isn't the place for making decisions that should be made with one's spouse, but it actually is a good place to find out how others have dealt with similar questions. The older I get the more I wish I had learned from the experience of others more than my own....
> 
> What we (everyone in the whole world) is going through now with COVID-19 will end up having a deep impact on how we see ourselves, our communities and the larger world around us. Now is a great time to sit down with the people we love and have real discussions about what is important in life and how we can support each other.
> 
> I honestly believe you would be doing a disservice to your marriage by not discussing it with your wife.
> 
> Sorry to be so serious about this but it clearly means a lot to you and there really is no better time to discuss these things than right now when everyone's plans are in flux.
> 
> John


Yeah.....no, this isn't an appropriate conversation to have with my wife. She is just under 2 months out of cancer treatment. Honestly, this was cathartic to have this convo here. The only answer will be on our "final stage" home, having what I need...she won't stand in my way, not worried about it. I appreciate you guys bending an ear to kind of vent. I'm sure other will be or currently are in the same situation....


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## matthewsx

Wishing you both good health and good spirits. 

Stay healthy and happy


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## GunsOfNavarone

After adding the Tormach...I now have the FULL garage!!...You guys thought I was screwed....(68.4% of you, I was one of them)
It's AWESOME!!!


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