# My son died of a heroin overdose.



## erikmannie (Jun 18, 2020)

I feel so sad to post this, but my 25 year old son Shane died two days ago of a heroin overdose. His body was discovered by his mother.

He had been clean for about 3 months, but an ill advised family member gave him $50 cash. All family members had been warned repeatedly about giving cash to somebody in such a fragile position. He immediately scored the drugs & took a fatal overdose. There were several indications that the overdose was unintentional.

I am so sad, and also angry at him for doing that. My relationship with the family member who gave him cash is also severely damaged because I was one of the people who reminded her about once every two weeks about how any heroin that he bought was certain to contain fentanyl, and it only takes a few times before one suffers a fentanyl overdose. I must have reminded her half a dozen times to never give him cash.

He leaves behind a 7 year old daughter.

I will never forget my sheer horror when I was told the news. Shane had just texted me one day earlier and told me that he was clean & sober.


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## jwmelvin (Jun 18, 2020)

I’m so sad to read this and think about the loss. Sometimes it seems no matter what one does, it can’t prevent a result. My best thoughts are with you.


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## darkzero (Jun 18, 2020)

Wow, so sad to hear this & sorry for your loss.


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## markba633csi (Jun 18, 2020)

I couldn't be more sorry.  For you, him, and the family member.  
-Mark


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## erikmannie (Jun 19, 2020)

The kind words are very helpful. I really envy people that never find themselves in the position to bury their children.


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## francist (Jun 19, 2020)

I’m very saddened to hear that, Erik. Twenty-five years old is hardly up to running speed yet, you must be devastated. My thoughts to you and your family.

-frank


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## erikmannie (Jun 19, 2020)

About 3 years ago, he had perfect health, a great job, a home and a happy young family. From the time he started using, he lost these things one by one until he eventually lost everything.


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## Ken from ontario (Jun 19, 2020)

This is the ultimate fear of any parent, I just can't come up with words to console you, please accept my condolences.


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## Z2V (Jun 19, 2020)

Prayers going out for you and your family


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## DavidR8 (Jun 19, 2020)

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry Erik. 
To lose ones child is horrible, and to a drug overdose perhaps worse. 
My thoughts and prayers to you, your wife and family. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## acruxksa (Jun 19, 2020)

I'm sad for your loss.  

My nephew recently went down a similar path, however we were lucky.  He was arrested for several property crimes and ended up spending some time in jail and is still under house arrest (nearly 2 yrs) with an ankle bracelet.  We were fortunate that he was forced to clean up his act, but are still worried about what will happen when he's not subject to monitoring and drug testing.  

It's crazy how heroin completely engulfed his life and how fast he deteriorated.  We were completely in the dark about the whole situation and in all likely hood we could have easily ended up where you find yourself now.  

He's a smart kid and could do anything he wants, it's an incredibly addicting drug and I get the feeling we're going to be worrying about our nephew for many many years to come.  

Not sure what I'm trying to say, but we have the same fear you've experienced and as many above have mentioned, I can't comprehend your loss, and hope I'll never have to experience the same.  

Thoughts and Prayers to You and Your Family.


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## Dhal22 (Jun 19, 2020)

Awful to read this,  so sorry.   Truly it is not right when you outlive your child.  You are left with the duty of being strong,  hopefully we are helping here.


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## mikey (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I have a son, my only child, and if I lost him I cannot even imagine the devastation that would bring. My heartfelt condolences to you, your family and his family.


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## Aukai (Jun 19, 2020)

I'm so hurt to hear this news I have dealt with it several times, it is very traumatic. I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## Stonebriar (Jun 19, 2020)

I am sorry for your loss.


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## Buffalo21 (Jun 19, 2020)

I’m very sorry to hear this, my family has lost a few members, to drugs over the recent years, it can be devastating to a family. The family does all it can, but the siren call of the drug, can be a overpowerIng force. Sometimes the family wins, sometimes the drug wins. All I can do is keep you and your family in my prayers.


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## microshop dinker (Jun 19, 2020)

So sorry to hear of your loss, truly devastating to you and your family.  Wonder what the family member who gave him the money was thinking? Oh, probably NOT thinking! My sincere condolences.    Sammy


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## pontiac428 (Jun 19, 2020)

I'm really sorry, Erik.


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## mcostello (Jun 19, 2020)

Prayers gladly sent.


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## ericc (Jun 19, 2020)

My condolences for your loss.  This is really horrible news.  This menace is really all around us.


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## mksj (Jun 19, 2020)

Drugs can destroy people, whether they are illegal or prescription, and unfortunately it is too easy to fall down the rabbit hole and never come back. Heroin addiction has been on the rise, and fentanyl has been pouring into the US with devastating  results. So sorry about your loss and how devastating it must be, sometimes you do everything you can but it is still not enough. Have seen this happen to others, both friends and patients, it tears your heart out.


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## Nogoingback (Jun 19, 2020)

I cannot imagine what you're going through right now.  I'm so very sorry for what has happened.


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## benmychree (Jun 19, 2020)

I was saddened when I saw the title this morning, so much more saddened when I saw that it was you that posted it and it was your son that has passed, it became much more personal to me, since we have corresponded in the past; I feel that I know you, and share your pain.
John York


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## brino (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik,

I am sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes.
I know that no words I have are enough.

It is so frustrating to think of the huge loss of potential when someone so young dies.

You and your family must be devastated.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

-brino


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## matthewsx (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik,


Words cannot express how much sorrow I feel at this news, my heart goes out to you, your family and especially his daughter. Over the past months I feel like I've gotten to know you a little and consider all the members here as extended family. If there is anything we can do at this time, or any time in the future please let us know.

Addiction is a terrible disease and one that is so poorly understood. Loosing a child must be the worst pain anyone can have to deal with, take whatever time you need and don't hesitate to reach out for help.

You are in my heart.


John


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## DiscoDan (Jun 19, 2020)

Sorry for the loss of your son. Unimaginable.


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## BGHansen (Jun 19, 2020)

So sorry to hear the news.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to your family.

Bruce


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## Titanium Knurler (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik,  I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I have two sons and I cannot even bring myself to think of such a loss.  

My thoughts and my prayers will be with you and hope you find the strength to endure your loss and forgive your family member. 

Mike


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## Ulma Doctor (Jun 19, 2020)

I'm very sorry to hear this terrible news Erik


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## cathead (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik, it's so sad to hear the news especially in these troubled times, my sincerest condolences.


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## pdentrem (Jun 19, 2020)

My condolences to you and family. This will a trying time and the pain is difficult to deal with. Family support Is important in these kind of events. Please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family.
Pierre


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## 7milesup (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik:
So sorry for your loss.  As others have posted, I cannot imagine the loss.   
Your son died from a disease that is not well understood yet.  Just like mental health, which still has a stigma about it.  
But please keep this in mind Erik... YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD.  This is not your fault.   
I have thought about you all day.  Stay strong.


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## erikmannie (Jun 19, 2020)

All of these comments have been truly helpful to me. I took some time off of work to deal with everything because I was crying too much at work.

There is a whole story behind the family member that gave Shane the money even though she had been warned so many times what could happen. At this point, I will just say that was my mother who gave him the $50, She has not yet owned up to the grievous error, and her and I have stopped speaking. It would be really helpful to me if she would just admit that it was a mistake to give him cash.

In any case, all is lost as far as Shane is concerned. I will miss him the rest of my life.


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## extropic (Jun 19, 2020)

Erik,
I'm sorry for your loss.
Shane's tribulations are past now.
I hope pleasant memories will smother your deep pain very soon.


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## Aaron_W (Jun 19, 2020)

Sorry for your loss, I can't think of anything harder than the loss of a child or spouse.


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## Superburban (Jun 19, 2020)

So sad and sorry to hear this. I can understand the pain and anger you are processing. I have found it best to just accept, then to beat yourself to death trying to understand why.

I have heard that same story so many times, I pretty much knew what the next sentence would be. Even with having watched several folks go down the path, I still find it hard to imagine how someone can have it so well, loose it all to drugs, and not be scared out the wazoo. The lifelong grip that drugs have, is unimaginable for the rest of us. 

I have seen it a million times, Mothers, & Grand Mothers have a hard time saying no, Even when they know it is wrong.  You have already lost a son, Do not write off your mother before she is gone. Her time is limited, Savor what you can. I know this is a hard thing to forgive, but please give it some thought. Maybe have a talk about your feelings (I can't believe I just wrote that, I am the type to keep everything bottled up. It cost me a relationship with my Father). 

We will pray for you and your family.


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## ACHiPo (Jun 19, 2020)

erikmannie said:


> I feel so sad to post this, but my 25 year old son Shane died two days ago of a heroin overdose. His body was discovered by his mother.
> 
> He had been clean for about 3 months, but an ill advised family member gave him $50 cash. All family members had been warned repeatedly about giving cash to somebody in such a fragile position. He immediately scored the drugs & took a fatal overdose. There were several indications that the overdose was unintentional.
> 
> ...


So sorry to read this.  thank you for sharing.  I have a good friend with a similar story.  Only through sharing can we destigmatize this devastating Situation.  So sorry for your loss.


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## Logan 400 (Jun 20, 2020)

Erik,
I am so sorry to for your loss. My prayers go out to you and yours. Please find it in your heart to forgive and cherish the ones you have left. I promise you will not regret it. I have lived what you are dealing with. It's hard to understand I know but now is the time to embrace what you have and not the loss or the blame. 
21 years ago I lost my youngest son at 15. I had some of the same thoughts you are dealing with, that is why I am reaching out to you. If you want to talk, pm me and I'll give you my number.
Jay


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## Old Mud (Jun 20, 2020)

Erik, I to am so sorry for your loss.   My thoughts and Prayers go out to You and Your Family. You will never forget as you shouldn't, the good times. And i agree A parent should never have to bury a child. I have lost two sons and know your pain.


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## erikmannie (Jun 28, 2020)

Update:

My wife, son & I drove up to Vancouver, WA for the funeral. This was a viewing rather than a service. Shane’s body was not in a coffin; he was on a bed with a quilt over him.

I had assumed that the “viewing room” would be off to the side, but the chairs were all in the room and facing the body. I found this to play out like a nightmare filled with very polite people.

So the family & friends sat silently in chairs, often becoming overwhelmed & going to the entryway to chat in small groups.

When I first saw my ex-wife, she threw up her arms and cried “I did everything I could. I don’t know what else I could have done to stop this”.

Speaking for myself, this event has shattered me so there is an opportunity to put the pieces that remain back together differently.

The only words that can describe this event are devastation and unbearable grief.

It is strange how the event has changed people.

I had not seen my 7 year old granddaughter in person for 2+ years. She is darling; she is taking this totally fine. She was actually happy to see 8 members of her Dad’s family come up. She wasn’t even bothered about Shane’s body; she just hugged him because she had not seen him in a year (due to his drug addiction).


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## brino (Jun 28, 2020)

Erik,

Still no words I can find are enough.......

As parents we try to protect them at any age. We sometimes also try to blame ourselves for any of their mistakes.
I saw that with my parents and I have noticed it with me and my kids, too.

It sounds like your ex felt some guilt in all this. It is NOT her fault.
Addiction is a disease. One that can wreck lives just like any other.

You are very astute in your grief. I don't know how you're able.
In your place I would be a terrible mess.

You have all my sympathy and support.
-brino


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## Janderso (Jun 28, 2020)

Erik,
A parents worse nightmare. I am so sorry for your loss.
Our son was using opiates for ten years, he hit a brick wall when he tried to overdose.
He was one of the lucky ones and made a full recovery.
Please know as a parent, it's not your fault. We raise our children as best as we can then send them out into this cruel and unfair world.
My heart bleeds man.
You have the support of this wonderful group of friends.


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## DavidR8 (Jun 28, 2020)

I feel your pain Erik. 
The loss combined with the overwhelming feeling of not having been enough to make the difference. 
Sending you and your family strength for the healing to begin. 
David 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ACHiPo (Jun 28, 2020)

Erik,
This puts everything into perspective.  I can only imagine what you and your family are going through.  



> Speaking for myself, this event has shattered me so there is an opportunity to put the pieces that remain back together differently.


The wisdom in this statement is overwhelming.  

Thank you for trusting this group with the pain and anguish you feel.  Know that there are folks here that care about you, and will do what we can to help you.
Evan


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## tjb (Jul 15, 2020)

Erik,

I'm only just now seeing this thread.  Sorry to be late in responding.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.  I've never lost a child, so I dare not tell you, "I know how you feel."  But I do know this:  After the trauma and grief, mercifully there is healing.  Be strong, friend.  Condolences and prayers for you and your family.  From all of us.

Beshalom (with peace),
Terry


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## GunsOfNavarone (Jul 15, 2020)

I can't put into words the appropriate thing to say... I've seen the grips of addiction with someone very close to me. It's impossible to understand unless you're walking in those shoes. Hopefully he has found piece.
Best wishes.
Sean


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## westerner (Jul 15, 2020)

I have two kids. Both have done time for their addiction to heroin. Both are building a wall against it, and have been clean for a time. 
The horrible outcome you have endured hangs over the head of every parent not yet so affected, and will forever, or so it seems. 

May you find peace in the knowledge that the ultimate responsibility for all this lies with him, and no one else. Blame and obligations can be spread far and wide, but the ultimate choice is completely personal, private and individual.


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## 7milesup (Jul 15, 2020)

^^^ Very well said ^^^


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## vtcnc (Jul 16, 2020)

Very sorry for your loss Erik. I hope to never experience this with our boys. 


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## erikmannie (Jul 16, 2020)

Thanks for all the kind words and support. My wife has been really helpful in my grieving process.

I signed on for Saturday shifts at work so now I will be really busy.


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## Ken from ontario (Jul 16, 2020)

erikmannie said:


> Thanks for all the kind words and support. My wife has been really helpful in my grieving process.
> 
> *I signed on for Saturday shifts at work so now I will be really busy*.


Keeping busy will hopefully help to keep your mind off the pain you're going through, I'm sure your son would have wanted you to move on eventually .


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## Norseman C.B. (Jul 16, 2020)

Eric; I feel your pain, I lost my 19 year old only son to suicide after a battle with meth, he too was
in the clean up stage and decided to drink one nite, I guess the depression of cleaning up and alcohol depression
combined was too much for him and he shot himself, my broken heart and prayers go out to you .....


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## mattthemuppet2 (Jul 16, 2020)

how incredibly and terribly sad. I am truly sorry for your loss. It will never go away but hopefully over time you can come to terms with it. Being busy helps give you time to do so, but don't keep it bottled inside either.


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## tjb (Jul 16, 2020)

Norseman C.B. said:


> Eric; I feel your pain, I lost my 19 year old only son to suicide after a battle with meth, he too was
> in the clean up stage and decided to drink one nite, I guess the depression of cleaning up and alcohol depression
> combined was too much for him and he shot himself, my broken heart and prayers go out to you .....


So sorry.


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## savarin (Jul 17, 2020)

My heart goes out to you Erik, no parent should outlive their children.
Anything we can say sounds a bit trite but is said with heartfelt well meaning.
Take care of yourself and those around you in this trying time.


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## erikmannie (Jul 17, 2020)

Norseman C.B. said:


> Eric; I feel your pain, I lost my 19 year old only son to suicide after a battle with meth, he too was
> in the clean up stage and decided to drink one nite, I guess the depression of cleaning up and alcohol depression
> combined was too much for him and he shot himself, my broken heart and prayers go out to you .....


Oh my goodness, that is particularly tragic. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. What a nightmare that must have been. I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## erikmannie (Jul 17, 2020)

I have had many doctors tell me that I should never drink or use any drugs (because I have been in rehab 3 times in my life).

I definitely never drink or use THC (now legal in CA). When I have a terrible argument with my wife, I will sometimes consider having a Guinness, but this situation with losing my son has turned me off of using intoxicants all the more.

I think that it would honor those who have been lost to drugs & alcohol if we work hard & be extra careful. I don’t think that anybody has ever gotten into trouble with safety and hard work!


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## middle.road (Jul 18, 2020)

So sorry, can't really think of anything to say besides what has been posted above.
As Savarin said, no parent should outlive their children, and that is what first came in to my mind when I read your post.

Condolences.


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## graham-xrf (Aug 1, 2020)

Erik - That is deep, deep hurt of a kind I cannot imagine!
So sorry man. Of course there are no words that can even begin to adequately describe this.
I did once have to start making final arrangements for my son, who in the end survived because of a 100% match stem cell transplant donation. I was near crying all the time! We were lucky!

What I can see is 58 posts from HM members who are with you. Count me No. 59!


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## jpackard56 (Aug 3, 2020)

Sending prayers for strength at this time of unimaginable loss


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## Tim9 (Aug 25, 2020)

Erik I am so heartbroken to hear of your loss. Heroin is a horrendous drug. I’m speaking with firsthand knowledge because 25 years ago, I was a junkie. I had always been able to take pills without ever getting addicted. I could go months without usage and yet then start again with Pills. Always thought I could handle any drug. And then one day someone turned me on to heroin.
I have to tell you, after 3 days I was hooked. Physically addicted to heroin. I tried to stop it on the forth day but the withdrawals were TEN TIMES WORSE than any flu I ever had. Aching pains in bones along with chills and sweating. Heroin is brutal. I truly believe it’s the forbidden fruit in the bible.
And as karma is in life, then 20 years later my son was hooked on it. Every day I was dreading a phone call that he overdosed. As bad as it was when I was using, heroin didn’t have fentanyl in it back then. It’s a national dilemma in my opinion. America needs a national health care initiative for free treatment nationwide. We have a serious problem with unemployment and depression on one hand....low opportunities for High school graduates and that creates depression. And then there ‘s the heroin which is dirt cheap and flooding our streets. It’s easier to get heroin than a Rx for Vicodin. Crazy in my opinion. Just crazy. Because the day the DEA figured out how to stop doctor shopping and the day they cracked down on Rx drugs..... the cartels flooded our streets with cheap heroin. The cartels are Fortune 100 companies with business accountants and College educated business managers. They set up distribution in Chicago because it has great infrastructure. 

ive said my rant Erik. But I’ll leave you with this. There is nothing you could have done. Heroin is just the strongest addiction on earth. I am so sorry sir. So very sorry for your loss.


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## tjb (Aug 25, 2020)

Tim9 said:


> Erik I am so heartbroken to hear of your loss. Heroin is a horrendous drug. I’m speaking with firsthand knowledge because 25 years ago, I was a junkie. I had always been able to take pills without ever getting addicted. I could go months without usage and yet then start again with Pills. Always thought I could handle any drug. And then one day someone turned me on to heroin.
> I have to tell you, after 3 days I was hooked. Physically addicted to heroin. I tried to stop it on the forth day but the withdrawals were TEN TIMES WORSE than any flu I ever had. Aching pains in bones along with chills and sweating. Heroin is brutal. I truly believe it’s the forbidden fruit in the bible.
> And as karma is in life, then 20 years later my son was hooked on it. Every day I was dreading a phone call that he overdosed. As bad as it was when I was using, heroin didn’t have fentanyl in it back then. It’s a national dilemma in my opinion. America needs a national health care initiative for free treatment nationwide. We have a serious problem with unemployment and depression on one hand....low opportunities for High school graduates and that creates depression. And then there heroin.
> ive said my rant Erik. But I’ll leave you with this. There is nothing you could have done. Heroin is just the strongest addiction on earth. I am so sorry sir. So very sorry for your loss.


Well said, Tim.


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