# An Apology to Some Former Members



## HMF (Jul 20, 2012)

*An Apology to Some Former Members

As we all know, life is a learning experience. We can either observe the lessons life has to offer and learn from them, atoning for past mistakes and moving on, or continue to make the same mistakes. Recent events on another forum have served as an important learning experience for me. It is a lot easier to see mistakes by others than it is by yourself. I want to be able to learn from my past mistakes and atone from them and move on. 

Running an online community carries with it certain responsibilities and requires certain character traits. Members need to know that the community will continue as it is. They need to know that, all of a sudden, the "rules of the game" will not change. They need to know that the forum will not suddenly disappear, it will not change its policies, the owner will not suddenly close it down, or sell it to make a fast buck, making them feel like they have wasted their time, or worked only to benefit someone else, or now have no place to go. Members need to know that the owner of the forum won't fold under the pressure of criticism from outside agitators, and do something silly. It's pretty easy to observe and point out these mistakes by other people- it is a lot harder to see them and acknowledge them yourself, which is why it has taken me so long to reach this point. I have made mistakes in terms of the responsibilities and character traits needed to run a forum. 

Watching the recent situation at HMEM, it was really easy for me to reach some conclusions about what happened there. It was a lot harder to realize that I had basically made very similar mistakes myself, and that people who were formerly active members on H-M had predictably reacted the same way to my impulsive behavior, by leaving and setting up their own community. Rather than blaming them, I ought to have blamed myself. I did not provide the stability that is necessary to assure people that their efforts are not being wasted. 

Reacting impulsively to criticism by others on a notoriously hostile forum was also disasterous. All that managed to accomplish was to drive off those faithful to this community. Moreover, reacting to those trying to keep the forum afloat by voicing an opinion by removing them was also a counterproductive and myopic reaction. To run a forum, you have to be able to tolerate a lot of criticism, and let it roll off your back. Obviously, I failed at that. 

Therefore, I want to apologize to Ed Kadlec and his group at Metalworkingfun.com. You did what you did because I failed to do things properly and intelligently. I failed to deal with criticism from trolls by giving it the weight it deserved- none. I closed the forum out of frustration rather than foresight, and left doubts as to its continued viability. I failed to listen to sound advice, and allowed myself to be react impulsively. It was I who created uncertainty, not you guys- you merely responded to what I did. I blamed everyone but myself for what transpired. That was wrong, and I am sorry. I see that some of you have returned at Tony's behest. You are all welcome as far as I am concerned, should you wish to return. If not, I understand, and that is fine too.

At some point, I, like the owner at HMEM, experienced burnout. This site usurped the hobby of machining and wiped it out for me. I was stressed, aggravated, and getting nothing done in my own shop. I was tired of dealing with web hosts, and everything else that went along with running a site. However, rather than sell this forum to some commercial outfit, I have turned over the reigns to Tony Wells. Why he wanted to do this, I am not sure. But he assured me that he wanted to, and he does have the personality to deal with it. And since he is a professional machinist, he has less concerns about getting things done in his hobby workshop than I do. Although I will still be the site owner and I will be available to him for consultation, I will not be overriding his decisions. Forum style, content, moderation policy and such will be his responsibility, with which he will be working with the moderation staff; the server and script functions will still be my responsibility. I hope everyone will give him their support. Like being a moderator one cannot please everyone, but I expect him to be fair in his dealing with forum members. For most users all this will mean is that the rank when he posts will read "Administrator" and his name appears in maroon on the list of online members. Other than that, there won't be anything really visibly different. Forum style, content, moderation policy and such will be his responsibility, with which he will be working with the moderation staff; the server and script functions will still be my responsibility. Tony reviews everything that happens on here, including this message itself, and makes the decisions.

I am working in my own shop now, trying to get things set up. I will post updates when I can, and have something to say. Eventually, I know that I will be making chips, and having a lot of fun with my machines, thanks to Tony taking this over.

Again, my sincere apologies for not doing this job better. All I can do at this point is apologize to you and move on. Hope to be making chips soon.

Nelson*


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## 12bolts (Jul 20, 2012)

Well said and humbly done Nelson.

Cheers Phil


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## woodtickgreg (Aug 4, 2012)

I don't know any of the details about what happened on this site or the other and I really don't need to. We are all human and make mistakes, it happens. But the measure of a man is someone that can view his own mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes our emotions, and ego's cloud our logic and judgement, it happens. I don't think that most people are truely malicious, they sometimes just make bad decisions. I am happy to be a member of this site and having a great time here. Nelson. you have done a good thing with this site and kudo's to you for realizing you can't do it alone. And also for explaining your intentions for the site.


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## Philco (Aug 4, 2012)

woodtickgreg said:


> I don't know any of the details about what happened on this site or the other and I really don't need to. We are all human and make mistakes, it happens. But the measure of a man is someone that can view his own mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes our emotions, and ego's cloud our logic and judgement, it happens. I don't think that most people are truely malicious, they sometimes just make bad decisions. I am happy to be a member of this site and having a great time here. Nelson. you have done a good thing with this site and kudo's to you for realizing you can't do it alone. And also for explaining your intentions for the site.



Well said woodtickgreg & thanks for saying what I was thinking.
Phil


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## jpfabricator (Sep 27, 2012)

Its rare to see integrity anymore. Thank you Nelson for displaying that for all of us to learn from. Keep up the great work.


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## The Liberal Arts Garage (Feb 14, 2014)

Balance Restored. At heart, this organization , like many with its delicate balance of egos and fears of risible inadequacies ,depends on good humor and a resolve to put away anger; we are the sum of those before us and the base of those who come after- our mission and example for the future..... I here appologise for my excess digestive Wind.  BLJHB


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## ranch23 (Feb 14, 2014)

woodtickgreg said:


> I don't know any of the details about what happened on this site or the other and I really don't need to. We are all human and make mistakes, it happens. But the measure of a man is someone that can view his own mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes our emotions, and ego's cloud our logic and judgement, it happens. I don't think that most people are truely malicious, they sometimes just make bad decisions. I am happy to be a member of this site and having a great time here. Nelson. you have done a good thing with this site and kudo's to you for realizing you can't do it alone. And also for explaining your intentions for the site.



Well said and I completely agree.


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## hdskip (Feb 14, 2014)

I'm pretty new here. I also don't know or care what happened in the past. I spend a lot of time on various forums. I'm an information seeker. These sites help me in my profession as well as my hobbies. The Good Lord gave me two ears and one mouth. Therefore I listen a lot more than I talk. I'll post if I feel I can be of help to others and I may boast once in a while ( clay feet you know! ) I now spend more time on this site than any other. I like the civil nature I find here, as well as the wealth of knowledge, and it's just plain enjoyment to be here and see the passion and joy that others find in the projects they produce. I don't care if all you have is a hacksaw and a file, you can find enjoyment in creating things. I'm glad for this site. Thanks to everyone who makes it what it is.


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## Walltoddj (Feb 14, 2014)

Nelson Thank you for your post I just hope you can now enjoy doing what you want to do. Tony as far I've dealt with on the forum will be great at it so keep up the good work I enjoy this site better than the one you said.

Thanks,


 hew:
Todd


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## Bill Gruby (Feb 14, 2014)

Welcome back Nelson. It's good to hear from you again. That was well said.

 "Billy G"


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## Dave Smith (Feb 14, 2014)

woodtickgreg said:


> I don't know any of the details about what happened on this site or the other and I really don't need to. We are all human and make mistakes, it happens. But the measure of a man is someone that can view his own mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes our emotions, and ego's cloud our logic and judgement, it happens. I don't think that most people are truely malicious, they sometimes just make bad decisions. I am happy to be a member of this site and having a great time here. Nelson. you have done a good thing with this site and kudo's to you for realizing you can't do it alone. And also for explaining your intentions for the site.




Thanks for replying the way many of us truely feel--Dave


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## Charley Davidson (Feb 14, 2014)

I can relate to this very well, Without going into details I dealt with some very difficult/angry/unnecessary things dealing with my parents, I came home with my tail between my legs but realized that nothing good can come from holding grudges/resentment or even hate about things that are really nobodies fault. I decided to try and repair relationships that had somehow failed in my life, mostly recent ones and apologize to those I had either wronged or felt had wronged me in some way. I even apologized to my exwife of 30 years for things I may or may not have done to hurt her, likewise to my daughter. I knocked the chip off my shoulder and am trying to smile more. I feel better about myself for these reasons. Things get out of control quickly.  

So Nelson I feel this is a giant step in the right direction and I admire you for this, I hope this forum gets back to the way it was when I first joined, I as others have said spend more time on this forum than all the others combined that I belong to.

Thank you & everybody that make this forum work
Charley


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## uncle harry (Feb 15, 2014)

I am quite new here also but I have never found any difficulty with the forum.  We all need feedback to advance in skills both in our work and life behavior.  Gold stars to all who take time to apologize for their mistakes !


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## stevecmo (Feb 15, 2014)

Just to put this in perspective, Nelson's post is a year and a half old.  I'm sure Nelson feels the same today and all of the comments of appreciation are still relative.  I just wanted to point out that the referenced turmoil is in the past and the forum is better today.  )


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## Charley Davidson (Feb 15, 2014)

stevecmo said:


> Just to put this in perspective, Nelson's post is a year and a half old.  I'm sure Nelson feels the same today and all of the comments of appreciation are still relative.  I just wanted to point out that the referenced turmoil is in the past and the forum is better today.  )



So somebody woke a sleeping bear & I poured my heart out & confessed all my sins thinking my time was up :thinking:

It still felt good


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## stevecmo (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry Charley, I didn't mean to make you feel bad.  Oh wait........you feel good!  :thumbsup:


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## HMF (Feb 15, 2014)

*Charley- it is fine. You are certainly welcome to express your feelings. I am glad you did.

The answer to the question about how I feel is that I feel even more sorry today than I did back then when I wrote that. I feel terrible about what transpired between Ed K. and myself, I feel awful about the things that happened with others, too. I wish I could take them back and be friends with everyone again, but life just doesn't work that way, unfortunately. You can't unring a bell. Once something is done, it is done, and cannot be undone.  I was too reactive in the way I ran this place out of the gate, and it hurt me, and the forum, and there is nothing I can do to change it but say I am sorry, over and over and over again.  I have done what I could to change the way things are now. The site is doing well at what I set out to do as a result of my stepping back.

When my 15 year old son got Cancer a year and a half ago, I really realized how insignificant and stupid these online skirmishes are in the big scheme of things.
Compared to life and death, what happens on an online venue is nothing, really.  I have relaxed some at work to, which is to my benefit, by reminding myself that if no one gets sick or hurt or dies, whatever it is that has me upset really doesn't matter very much.

So, yeah, I still feel terrible. I have tried to invite people back, to make amends, and to offer an olive branch. The door is open, and the coffee pot is on. I understand if things are irreparable. Nothing has changed on my end except that I feel worse as time goes by.





*


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## Walltoddj (Feb 15, 2014)

Nelson I truly hope all works out for you, your son's cancer, and your whole family. I know this terrible feeling that you are helpless when a family member gets cancer and it hurts bad, I've been there twice with my wife. Now we take it day by day and feel lucky for each and every day we have. Keep up the good work and try to feel better about what you are doing to help others.

Todd


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