# Ot, Some Thoughts From Mr. Murphy



## wawoodman (Mar 1, 2016)

*Theory of the International Society of Philosophic Engineering *

In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so. 
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm. 
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables. 
The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service. 
The most vital dimension on any plan or drawing stands the greatest chance of being omitted. 
If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable. 
If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction. 
All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0. 
Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly completed. 
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be. 
Interchangeable parts won't. 
Manufacturer's specifications of performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5. 
Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25. 
Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department. 
Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 
Service Conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded. 
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault. 
Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion in the field. 
If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is set through service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor. 
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.


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## Grumpy Gator (Mar 1, 2016)

_A few of my favorites :_
_*Laws*
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. 

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.



Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Nancy's Law:
If it says new and improved, it is probably neither.

*G*
_


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## pebbleworm (Mar 2, 2016)

Sometimes, only sometimes people understand what actually happens in the real world.  I REALLY liked this sticker put on the front cover of a screw machine manual posted on another board- hit the magnifying glass to read it easily:
http://s173.photobucket.com/user/PandaDan/media/20160209_163729_zpsjam24c6s.jpg.html
In a nutshell, "we respectfully request that this treatise be given to the operator and not retained in the office..."
A good sentiment and a useful one.


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## wawoodman (Mar 2, 2016)

And, of course...

*COLE'S LAW*
   Thinly sliced cabbage


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## Bill Gruby (Mar 2, 2016)

Who's this guy Murphy??

 "Billy G"


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## eugene13 (Mar 3, 2016)

I heard he is an optimist


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## ScrapMetal (Mar 5, 2016)

I'll ask him.  He drops in to my shop almost on a daily basis. 

-Ron


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