# What's Your favirite Phrase ?



## Grumpy Gator

Up front I stole this idea from another forum I'm on.But I thought it might just work here.Rember this is a familey forum so keep it clean and save thouse off color ones for some place else.
  A few of mine:
 "Finish it tomorow you screwed up enough for today.'
 "Measure three times and cut once."
 "I'm some dumb not plumb dumb."
Let's hear yours.
****************Gator*********************


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## jpfabricator

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

I'd rather have overkill than no kill.
Measure twice cut yourself.
Dont do today what you can put off till tomorrow.
Where did I put that (insert the name of any tool)?
Jake Parker


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## David S

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Ok.  My kids used to say "if it can't be fixed in the shop, it can't be fixed"

David


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## LEEQ

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

I cut it three times and it's still too short. If you aren't screwing anything up you're not doing anything. Start right, be right.


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## road

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

I cant post any of mine on here     :whistle:


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## chuckorlando

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

I use all of these. Likely even more

If you can "huh?" you can hear

slow as cold honey

I dont need to know how to do it, to do it

get it done son

The key to learning is knowing how to teach your self

it's just nuts and bolts

It only goes together one way. 

You gotta be smarter then the problem

We're all genius in our own right

You think your 2 quarters slick

If "if" was a 5th we would all be drunk

A reason and an excuse are not the same thing.


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## billb2011

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

"Sometimes you just have to don't care" 

"If you loan someone twenty dollars and never see them again, it was money well spent"

"If that doesn't turn you on, you ain't got knobs! "

"Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish he'll eat for life, show a man your secret fishing spot, you've gone too far"


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## Ulma Doctor

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Good Ones Guys, Here's a few more......

U.N.I.C.E.F. is not in the Processing Machine Repair business!

It is what, IT is!

I have done so much, for so long, with so little, I am now qualified to do anything, with nothing !!!

FUBAR (self explanatory)

S@#$, or get off the POT!

This is going to cost you a lot more than it costs me !!!

Oh BTW, i'm learning Espanol- here's phrases i use all the time...
Esto cuesta mucho dinero !- This costs lots of money!!!
Lo que esta roto ? - What is broken?

But my all time Favorite....
I fix things 3 ways
Good, 
Fast,
Cheap,...
Pick 2

:jester:


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## CluelessNewB

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

It's like measuring marshmallows with micrometers.

Don't let perfection get in the way of good enough.

Don't have time to do it right but you have time to do it again?

Not my monkeys, not my circus.


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## Mark in Indiana

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Lots of good ones so far. Here's a few of mine:

1.Approval: That dawg can hunt!
2. Not my problem: I don't have a dog in this race. Or, I ain't got a Nickle in this.
3. No longer a problem: That train done left the station. Or if I want to be a smart a$$, "that train done sailed from the dock".
4. Criticising ones intelligence: Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
5. My personal favorite: Who gives a F...


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## coolidge

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*



LEEQ said:


> I cut it three times and it's still too short. If you aren't screwing anything up you're not doing anything. Start right, be right.



I actually did that once and was getting pretty hot under the collar each time I fitted it DOH!


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## CluelessNewB

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Those with a clear understanding of the situation are often called pessimists


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## autonoz

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Not all clowns wear makeup

Ride hard, die fast

ay dios mio


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## Ulma Doctor

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

"Stupid is as stupid does" -Forrest Gump


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## Pmedic828

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his butt when he hopped!
Busy as a two tailed cat in a room full of rockers
More Hungry than a woodpecker with a headache

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## jpfabricator

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

The ten percent rule. You must be at least ten% smarter than than what your working with.

A gold plated turd is still a turd.

Thats as hard as woodpecker lips.

Two part guarantee,
When you break it I can guarantee you will have two parts.

Thats dumber than a box of rocks.

For someone who is not fast, he's slower than a sloth on barbituates.

Jake Parker


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## GarageGuy

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

"Ignorance can be fixed, but stupid is forever"

...and my grandfather's favorite:  "There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses".

GG


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## Hawkeye

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

A favourite from the electrical trade: Always cut toward the apprentice.


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## CluelessNewB

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious.

Spelling is overrated (says this bad speller looking up at the thread title)


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## Ulma Doctor

*Re: What's Your favirite Pharse ?*

Customer:"Well Ulma Doctor, my machine is broken"

Me:"It sounds serious, let me take a look here.... I found your problems [while i'm holding broken parts]"

Customer" Well, what's that???"

Me: "about a thousand dollars!!!!

:jester:


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## Terrywerm

"You can't fix stupid"

"Common sense isn't so common anymore"

"Fix it right the first time, it's cheaper"

"Don't be a hammer mechanic!"

"Do the job well enough that you are willing to put your name on it."

"Busier than a one armed paper hanger with a bad case of jock itch"


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## Mark in Indiana

Shop owner to customer: When do you need it?

Customer: Yesterday!
Shop owner: I'll need extra time to build a time machine to go back in time, so you can have it when you want it. :jester:


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## caster

If what your doing does not work, do something different.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.


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## jtrain

Lots of good one liners,  here are a couple of mine.
For a dumb/stupid solution,--  It's like pissing your pants to keep your ass warm.
A new co-worker asked me to tell him what I know,  I said to him,-- I don't know what you don't know.
John


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## davidh

"there is no magic"

"a no-parts repair rules"


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## Dataporter

*Re: What's Your favorite Phrase ?*

Measure it with micrometers, mark it with a grease pencil, cut it with an axe!


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## Dataporter

Bless her / his heart.    (You can say anything you want about someone as long as you start or end with that phrase, try it)


"Tis better remain silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt."  - Abe Lincoln


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## billb2011

I use this one on my kids alot:

"You can wish in one hand and pee in the other and all you'll end up with is a handful of pee"


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## Terrywerm

A few more:

"You'll learn more with your mouth shut and your ears open than the other way around."

"You will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

"Uglier than the south end of a north bound cow."

"Thicker than flies around a cow's a**."

"Slicker than cow slobber."


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## Karl_T

For the fishermen out there, "I'll take luck over skill any day"


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## brav65

Here are a couple

Self explanatory "Let's make like a sheep and get the flock out of here"

Self explanatory "Let's make like a baby and head out"

"A sphincter says what?"

when someone says see you later you say "thanks for the warning"


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## Dranreb

Dew wet's wetter than rain wet...


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## Dataporter

*Re: What's Your favorite Phrase ?*



Karl_T said:


> For the fishermen out there, "I'll take luck over skill any day"




That's long time bowler's mantra, too.  You don't have to practice luck.


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## OldMachinist

"Yes, I am talking to myself it's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation"


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## Andre

"When in doubt, BFI." (Brute force, and ignorance)


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## Ulma Doctor

Never try to teach a pig to sing,
it's frustrating for you and it's annoying to the pig.


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## zmotorsports

One my dad used to tell me and it has stuck:
"If you don't have time to do it right, how are you going to find time to do it a second time".  

I have since modified it slightly to:  "Do it right or don't do it at all".

My son and I have one in our shop, "Overkill is under-rated".

Our business card has the saying "Quality isn't expensive...It's Priceless".

I have some others but we'll keep it clean for the time being.:nervous:


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## barlow l

until it's blown to smithereens or melted down to Toyota's and razor blades, it's rebuildable

that truck couldn't pull a greased string from a gnat's a$$

any day is a good day if I learn something, no matter how much it cost or how badly it hurt


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## Dusty

Remember to torque a bolt properly....stop turning 1/4 turn BEFORE it breaks


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## mattthemuppet2

I use this one on the kids all the time:

"It's just physics"


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## raven7usa

It takes less time to check the oil than to rebuild the engine...


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## zmotorsports

raven7usa said:


> It takes less time to check the oil than to rebuild the engine...



I should have told that one to my nephew before he toasted the engine.  He knew he had a leak but somehow didn't think to check the oil level.


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## Bill Gruby

Learn how to listen so you can listen and learn.

  "Billy G"


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## Pmedic828

A few more:

Don't know the difference between his butt and a bass fiddle!

Most people use the Ostrich principle - they stick their head in the sand and forget about what's sticking up.

I'm very cautious - , I never drop the soap when showering - I always use soap on a rope!

He who fights and runs away gets to fight another day.

A smart man knows where to look to find the answers - on a smarter mans test sheet!

You only need 3 things in life - 1) when in charge - delegate    2)  when in doubt  - ponder      and 3) when in trouble - run like heck!

do you know what's in a hazmat persons tool kit:   one pair of binoculars, one pair of running shoes, and a roll of toilet paper!

If I would agree with you we both would be wrong!


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## Mark in Indiana

Here's another one: "Do you hear that ticking? That's the needle on my bulls#^t meter pegging."


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## bladehunter

I know the voices aren't real, but they have some really good ideas.


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## rafe

I refuse to do a battle of wits with an unarmed person
 you slow me down like a broken leg
 they do it right 'cause they do it twice


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## joconnor

Jesus said to him, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, no man comes to the Father except by me.” John 14/6. The Bible

  For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus.  First Timothy 2/5. The Bible


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## higgite

Some of my favorites:

"Cut to fit. Paint to match."

"If it don't fit the first time, get a bigger hammer."

"Anything worth doing is worth doing tomorrow."

"He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat."

"If I was doing any better, I'd be twins."

Tom


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## hvontres

"Buy quality, only cry once"

"You keepa using that word, I dona think it means what is means" (spoken with spansh accent, ala Inigo Motoyo)

"Remember, after tight comes loose"


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## Ulma Doctor

It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with a bunch of turkeys!

He has the amazing gift for making things look difficult!

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

This repair comes with an exclusive tail light warranty, once you can't see my tail lights anymore, it's out of warranty.

Dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS!

If you just let me do my job, it will be cheaper for both of us....

your flux capacitor is not producing the 1.21 jiggawatts necessary for time travel,
 therefore, i cannot fix the problem yesterday as requested. 

That is your discounted invoice....

Here's one from when i worked on trucks...
what's wrong with my rig???
....Loose nut behind the wheel.

and last but not least...
I thought you said last time, that you didn't want to come out here again ,Sheriff ???


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## Eddyde

What do you mean, African or European Swallow?


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## Ulma Doctor

OSHA rules stipulate that only 3 people can ride my back at a time, unless handrails are installed.


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## bladehunter

As useful as a chocolate teacup.

Time to do the Harry. (rhyming slang, a nod to our PM,  Harold Holt, who disappeared whilst swimming during the 60's)

What do you think this is bushweek ? ( Required reply to anything stupid )

Bikes fall over if you don't go fast.


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## SG51Buss

I think.  Therefore, I'm confused.

Sign on garbage truck:  "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your trash back!"


(Say out loud three times
One smart fellow and he felt smart.
Two smart fellows and they both felt smart.
Three smart fellows and they all felt smart.


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## zmotorsports

Another one I just remembered:

"It's hard to have a battle of the whits with an un-armed man."


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## rmack898

Looks like the talking part is done.

Hard telling, not knowing.

Can't see it from my house.


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## arvidj

Stop ... Pause ... Think ...


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## BRIAN

Children and fools should not see work half done.

Brian.


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## zimma

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than open it and remove all doubt"


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## zmotorsports

zimma said:


> "It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than open it and remove all doubt"



I have used that many of times.  Thank you for reminding me of that one.


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## higgite

Just remembered another of my favorites, not original, though. A quote from Thoreau...

"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll go fishing."

Tom


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## Mark in Indiana

I used to say this in my roustabout days: "I can't stand a drunk when I'm sobor, or a sobor when I'm drunk!" :drinkingbeer:


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## coolidge

That .... will buff out.


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## bladehunter

It's an ID 10 T issue.


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## jererp

From a tool salesman who used to call on me:  Sell them what they want. Then, when that doesn't  work, sell them what they need.
For someone who quotes a job too low: They just don't know what they don't know.
From an old toolmaker friend describing a machine in operation : A dog that sh*ts fast doesn't sh*t for long.

I've read some good ones here that I'll try to remember.


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## eugene13

It is what it is

I'd rather be lucky than good

Experience is what you need when you don't have it

Their is only one race, the human race


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## bladehunter

The excrement has collided with the ceiling mounted cooling device.


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## 2Tite

I have two;

If you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem.

It is what it is!


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## Terrywerm

One more from my computer science days:

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who can read binary, and those who cannot."

I used to have a tee shirt that said that on the front. It drove most people nuts when they would try to figure it out.

If this one doesn't make any sense to you, then you definitely fall into the category of those who cannot. So, for the benefit of those who cannot, I shall explain: In the binary numbering system, 2 is notated as 10. Remember, decimal numbers use 0 through 9, binary uses only 0 and 1.

DECIMAL
BINARY
1
0001
2
0010
3
0011
4
0100
5
0101
6
0110
7
0111
8
1000
9
1001
10
1010
11
1011
12
1100
13
1101
14
1110
15
1111


So, in effect, the tee shirt said "There are two (not ten) kinds of people in this world, those who can read binary, and those who cannot."


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## Eddyde

Remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.


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## sgisler

Eddyde said:


> Remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.



Yep, sadly true. Actually happened to a buddy of mine and my brother. 

Sorry, not to bring down the mood but I guess they don't call em truisms for nuthin


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Terrywerm

Truisms??   Here we go (just one)

"Friendly fire isn't"


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## SG51Buss

From murphy's laws of combat, item number 20:

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder...


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## Ulma Doctor

Never jump into a foxhole with someone braver than you.


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## higgite

terrywerm said:


> One more from my computer science days:
> 
> "There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who can read binary, and those who cannot."



That reminded me another one, Terry.

"There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't."


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## mrbreezeet1

Clear as Mud; Right?


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## Brain Coral

" Life, is what happens to you, while you are busy making plans "


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## SG51Buss

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.






My opinions are free.  You get your money's worth.


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## Fabrickator

You miss 100% of the shots you never take. _Michael Jordan

_You can never achieve greatness if you never try.

Nothing is "idiot proof" - because idiots are so ingenious.

Resentment is the poison you mix for someone else, but take it yourself.

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your 
defeats, 99.999...% of the world’s population couldn’t care less.

Things generally go smoother when the woman is happy.

You are what you are when no one is looking.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and I could say, "I used everything you gave me."

Kid's, dogs, flowers and Xmas lights all look better in someone else's yard.

7-P's - Proper Planning and Perseverance, Prevent ****-Poor Performance


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## Bill Gruby

_ IF YOU WANT TO RUN WITH THE BIG DOGS, YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BARK._

 "Billy G"


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## xalky

"I'm gonna feel so much better once the pain stops"

"That's why they pay me the big bucks"

"That's what separates the men from the boys."

"Why is it that whenever I'm  searching for something, it's always in the last place I look?"

"Might as well just stay on the couch if you don't feel like doing it right."

What a POS!


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## zmotorsports

Billy G reminded me of one I heard and like:

"If you can't run with the big dogs, you had better stay on the porch."


Also, one I heard many years ago, and although I am NOT a President Roosevelt fan, he did make a statement or quote that I am quite fond of. It goes as follows: 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

It was also quoted in my favorite movie, The World's Fastest Indian.


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## Alspeed

One from my old gaffer, when he though I wasn't going fast enough.............

"come on lad we're not making gold watches here you know"


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## Bill Gruby

And another blast from my past ---- It's hard to remember, when you're up to your azz in alligators, that the original objective was to drain the swamp.

 "Billy G"


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## CluelessNewB

I'm not a big drinker but I think this is funny:

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"


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## mrbreezeet1

Alspeed said:


> One from my old gaffer, when he though I wasn't going fast enough.............
> 
> "come on lad we're not making gold watches here you know"



_Gaffer_ _(boss), a British colloquial term for "boss"_


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## HSS

He/she is having sexual relations with a Disney character. 

It ain't going on an airplane (for when they are taking entirely too long for a simple job)

If it was easy, women and children would be doing it.


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## Ulma Doctor

These knuckleheads could break a bowling ball with a broomstick...


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## Dataporter

Happy wife equals happy life !


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## 12bolts

Anytime someone mucks up their task
"You'll be getting the rough end of the pineapple first"

Cheers Phil


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## 2Tite

One more;


The best Christmas lights are tail lights.


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## bladehunter

It was like that when I got here.


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## jpfabricator

If somthing has a defect, I tell the customer " Thats customized, they dont come from the factory that way!"
I jokingly told that to a lady I was delivering a refrigerator to. Her joking, but serious reply was " Well I didnt pay the extra money for a custom, and would feel as I had cheated someone. So be a dear and bring me a plain stock one!'


Jake Parker


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## Fabrickator

Ulma Doctor said:


> These knuckleheads could break a bowling ball with a broomstick...




F-up a ball bearing with a pair of tweezers...


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## markknx

I have to stop saying how stupid can people be. To many people are taking it as a challenge.

Murphy was an optimist!


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## Dusty

I know you believe you understood what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard isn't what I meant.  Thats why it failed


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## Dusty

Time flies when you're having fun......unless you're a frog.  Then time is fun when you're having flies!


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## Ulma Doctor

Harder than herding cats.


harder than doing something with a wet noodle and a wildcats .....


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## raven7usa

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.


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## 34_40

A couple of my faves..

Tougher than a 50 cent steak.

We need a bigger hammer.


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## sk1nner

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.  

Don't worry, be happy


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## Analias

From Steve's (jumps4) signature:

"I'm not a complete idiot, some pieces are missing."



Sent from my Xoom using Tapatalk


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## herbet999

My favorite from a buddy's father, when I was growing up.

"Some people think in one hand and sh.. in the other"

Never quite sure what he meant.. but I've never forgotten it.


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## herbet999

One I use all the time...

"ah... that was stupid Jim".

Star Trek fans will appreciate that one.


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## furpo

One I’ve always used in my work whenever anyone called me a expert!
My only job requirement is to be able to Fool the majority of the people the majority of the time!
Can’t fool them all, because once in awhile you actually find someone that actually knows what they’re doing!


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## Mark in Indiana

Fabrickator said:


> F-up a ball bearing with a pair of tweezers...




"Break an anvil with a powder puff..."


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## higgite

"I don't have a clue where we are, but we're making good time!"


Tom


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## markknx

"Don't let the iron in your blood turn to lead in your bottom" a friends dad used to say.


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## markknx

If your heart ain't in it get your butt out


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## SG51Buss

Something my great great uncle commented (in broken english) about a coworker's improved tardiness at a barn raising:

"You're early of late.  You used to be behind before,  but now you're first at last."


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## dieseldriver47

From an Amish friend
"Ya can't get there from here. Ya gotta go over yonder and start over."


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## Rbeckett

Busier than a one legged man at a butt kicking contest.  Lay down after you throw the grenade, stupid.  Screw me runnin, and my all time fave cannot be repeated here...Sorry.

Bob


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## mckdavid

a couple of mine, 

Lead, follow or get out of the way.....


never argue with an idiot, first they drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience..


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## Dranreb

Referring to someone who has just got stitched up in a deal

No they didn't just see him coming, they sent for him!


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## MarkStephen

If wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak - Jayne Cobb[h=3][/h]


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## Pmedic828

Fish and relatives both stink after 3 days

Did you hear about the cat that crept in a crypt, crapped, then crepted out again!


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## furpo

KISS!   Just Kiss it!

Keep it simple Stupid!


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## atwatterkent

Do whatever you have to do to make it look like you want it to.

If it was assembled, it can come apart 

if you took it apart , it's up to you to put it back together


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## Allan

"Too soon old and too late smart".


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## SG51Buss

To do is to be --- Neitzsche
To be is to do --- Sartre
Do be do be do --- Sinatra







 The floggings will continue until morale improves...


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## Dr. Duzlittler

Everything changes...Then it changes again ~ Tom Petty ~

It's bad luck to be superstitious


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## Lornie McCullough

"It is better to understand how things actually work, than it is to whine because they don't work the way you think they should."

Lornie


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## Bill Gruby

Dr. Duzlittler said:


> Everything changes...Then it changes again ~ Tom Petty ~
> 
> It's bad luck to be superstitious




 The only true constant in this world is change, it never stops happening.

  "Billy G"


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## JPigg55

If at first you don't succeed, use a bigger hammer.
That's stranger than a hog wearing a wrist watch.


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## jumps4

with my daughters boyfriend in mind...
"you can't fix stupid"
or
"no brains no headaches"


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## OldMachinist

"Life is a journey, not a destination.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)


Edit, I forgot I wanted to add this picture of a sign in my shop


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## jumps4

as useful as lipstick on a pig


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## Mark in Indiana

I was doing some electrical work in the ceiling of a boiler house. Getting around required a large aerial lift in tight spaces. Although I had a spotter on the floor to assist me..."I was still as nervous as a wh*** in church."

Edit: When describing an ugly girl, a beat up car, etc... "She looks rougher that 3 nights in jail!"


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## brav65

That's what the blind man said to the deaf person who was peeing into the wind, it's all coming back to me now...


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## ricko

If you go any slower you'll be going backwards


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## markknx

"Nuttier than a port-o-let at a peanut festivel"

"If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you"


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## David S

This ain't my first rodeo.


And BTW my vote for the best "favirite Phrase" is post #90

David


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## Ulma Doctor

The floggings will continue until morale improves.

                                             the Management


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## SG51Buss

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.




Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.


----------



## CluelessNewB

Poor Planning on your part does not constitute an Emergency on my part.


----------



## CoopVA

Always remember the 6 Ps...  Prior Planning Prevents **** Poor Performance.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## barlow l

This one my Dad has said to me a few times, "son, you are like a bull in a china shop, what you don't break, you **** on"


----------



## vtcnc

"If it were common sense, it would be more common." 
"Dumber than a bag of hammers."
"You can't get there from here."
"Ugly enough to knock a buzzard of a $#!t wagon!"
"About as useless as t!ts on a bull."
"This is so bad my hair hurts."


----------



## jtrain

Some metals I try to work with are "harder than a woodpeckers lips"

John


----------



## Mark in Indiana

Here's a scenario: 
A gal is flirting with you. You feel that it is in your best interest not to persue her, but you don't want to sound like a stick in the mud. This is the best phrase to use...I'd love to but I'm afraid that my girlfriend will go to my wife and say to her "Honey, your husband is cheatin' on us." 


The idea for that phrase came from a classic blues song by Denise Lasalle.


----------



## elysianfield

"If it ain't broke, fix it until it is...."


----------



## Dataporter

Dr. Duzlittler said:


> Everything changes...Then it changes again ~ Tom Petty ~






Bill Gruby said:


> The only true constant in this world is change, it never stops happening.
> 
> "Billy G"





The ONLY thing that stays the same is that everything is changing.


----------



## Dataporter

*Re: What's Your favorite Phrase ?*

I'm so broke, I can't pay attention!


Ask him what time it is, and he tells you how to build a clock!


He can cram an hour's work into an eight hour day.


----------



## Ulma Doctor

I know you are lying, your lips are moving....

Here's one from my salty welding instructor of 2 years-
"Everyone can tell their life story in 2 minutes, 
anyone that speaks any longer is either lying or repeating themselves."


----------



## cvairwerks

At work, we have MTE's (Manufacturing Test Engineers) that are the problem solvers that get involved when we have a failure on the airplane. The boss cringes when I holler at him: "Hey Kelly....I need an MTEEEE...."

The MTE's hate it when something happens during troubleshooting and I ask them " Hey, it wasn't supposed to do that, was it?"


----------



## wrmiller

"You can't idiot proof anything because they just keep building better idiots."


----------



## Bill Gruby

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.  :lmao:

 Billy G"


----------



## gr8legs

A few from my archive:

You can't always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window to throw them out.

If you want sex-go to college, if you want an education, go to the library. Frank Zappa

Be careful, the windshield may interfere with your euphoria.

Beyond Stupid and approaching utterly witless

He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.

The main reason there's no rest for the wicked is that they're so much in demand.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemingway

"With all due respect" is a much nicer way of saying "Listen here you fecking moron."

In times like these, it's helpful to remember that there have always been times like these. ~ Paul Harvey

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.  Confucius

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I have an adequate supply on hand, You have quite the stockpile, They are hoarding.

Don’t shop when hungry. Don’t date when horny. Don’t tweet when drunk.

IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.


----------



## LJP

"If someone did it before, we can do it again"

"He doesn't know whether his ass is punched or bored"

"He couldn't get two pieces of wood close enough together to burn"

"It went in like it had eyes"

"Tighter than a bull's ass at fly time"


----------



## elysianfield

Never criticize a man until you walk a mile in his shoes...because then you are a mile away...and you got his shoes!!


----------



## DMS

* When describing something that cannot be fixed because the initial concept is so totally broken it is - "F****d by design".
* For when you get a little too confident in the home stretch - "Clutching defeat from the jaws of victory"


----------



## Dataporter

*Re: What's Your favorite Phrase ?*

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug.

Q: How's it going today?
A: Lions 7   Christians Nothing

Q: What can I do for you?
A: I need a fool proof plan and an air tight alibi!

I'm so broke I don't even have lint in my pockets.


----------



## MarkStephen

Busier than a cat trying to cover crap on concrete. 

My wife? Sure.
My Dog? Maybe?
My Gun? NEVER!!!


----------



## Mark in Indiana

"There's light at the end of the tunnel...and it's a train!" anic:


----------



## markknx

He's as sharp as a rubber ball.It fits like a glove, a welding glove that is.


----------



## darkzero

Learned this from a female friend....

Her: Ah choo!
Me: Bless you, are you sick?
Her: No, I'm allergic to bull sh...


----------



## PJRitz

I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter


----------



## Brain Coral

" I thought that I was wrong once.... but I was completely mistaken "

Brian


----------



## Terrywerm

DIPLOMACY:  The ability to tell people where to go in such a way that they look forward to the trip.


----------



## SG51Buss

C:
C:\dos
c:\dos run
run, run, run...


----------



## sk1nner

Not sure if it's been said already but

F.U.B.A.R.
(Do I have to say what it means?)


----------



## CoopVA

sk1nner said:


> Not sure if it's been said already but
> 
> F.U.B.A.R.
> (Do I have to say what it means?)



SNAFU


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Mark in Indiana

We'll have to agree to disagree. But you'll go through the rest of your life being wrong!


----------



## Dataporter

*Re: What's Your favorite Phrase ?*

That's stupid with two O's


----------



## gr8legs

wide awake at 4:30 AM so here are a few more excerpts from my collection...

"He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty." - Thomas P. Gore

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"Her only flair is in her nostrils." - Pauline Kael

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

I spent Presidents Day acting like a president. I took someone else’s money and spent it on something I don’t need.

Love is like eating wild mushrooms. By the time you find out whether it's good for you or not, it's too late.

"Don't be humble...you're not that great." - Golda Meir

"I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"He was as great as a man can be without morality." - Alexis de Tocqueville

"His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere." - Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." - Mark Twain

"She is a peacock in everything but beauty." - Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow." - Franklin K. Dane

"Guns Cause Crime, Like Flies Cause Garbage"

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." — Mahatma Gandhi

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." — Mark Twain

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid. "- Richard Braunstein -

Those who risk nothing, do nothing, achieve nothing, become nothing.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that's not why we're doing it.  -- Richard Feynman

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.  Art is knowing which ones to keep." - Scott Adams

"The malice of the wicked is reinforced by the weakness of the virtuous" --British Prime Minister Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"real" work : a job where you wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom... 

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics. even if u win, ur still retarded.

There is nothing more frightening than active ignorance. ~Goethe

No one ever says 'It's only a game." when their team is winning.

I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

Never feed your cat anything that clashes with the carpet.

"I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish; The wicked sometimes rest." Alexandre Dumas

Imagine what life will be like when these are the good old days.

Follow Your Dreams - Except that one where you're naked in church.

That's enough for now - let me know if you want more...

Stu


----------



## Dataporter

gr8legs said:


> That's enough for now - let me know if you want more...
> 
> Stu



Stu - those were great!! Thanks!  Dave

Happy New Year!


----------



## MarkStephen

Government, bringing everyone under one rule so we can all be interfered with or ignored equally.


----------



## Alphonse

When I use to work in a 4 man toolroom  back in the 1980's, the Lead machinist who  usually ran the Jig bore would yell out  "I'LL TAKE A HALF A POUND"  when ever someone would grind the gears in a Bridgeport or Lathe... To this day it is one of my favorite shop lines.

...OR when asked if a "small error" would get by our inspection dept.,  we would say sure, "they'd miss it if they went by it at 55 MPH."

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL...HOPE 2015 IS A GREAT ONE!


----------



## toolman

That fits like a tube sock on a rooster.

Cheap toilet paper makes for stinky fingers (when a customer complains about prices).

Slicker than snot on a door knob.

A bucket of .... won't fit in a teacup.

Happier than a puppy with two peckers.

I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I don't know where your lips have been.

Hard work, dedication, and skill will only get you so far, sometimes you just have to wing it.

Being a gunsmith is not about not making mistakes, it's about being able to figure out the best way to fix them without the customer knowing they ever happened.


----------



## Mark in Indiana

Description of difficulty: "A real goat roper."  &  "gropin' for straw."
Description of excitement: "Happier than a 3 peckered billy goat in a pen full of nannies."
Description of slow speed: "Slower than smoke rollin' off of dog s#^t on a cold February morning."
Description of flatulence: "Silent but violent!"


----------



## silence dogood

In the mornings at our favorite coffee shop, the guys know when I'm finished is when I get up and announce," Well fellows, I got to go and justify my existence to my wife."  Mark


----------



## Grumpy Gator

Just a few from my Uncle Tucker who taught me how to run a lathe:
           "That's close enough it"s not going to the moon"
        "That boy is like a hound dog pup, all mouth and big feet"
On turning a piece of unknownium "This stuff is harder than the hinges of hell"
"The poor folks got to do it the poor way"
To the customer that walked in saying "I'v been to every shop in town and they said bring it here">>>>>>"That will cost ya."
Upon leaving the local tavern "Glad you got to see me"
Damn I miss him.   
****************R.I.P. Tucker**********Gator***********


----------



## higgite

Friend: "Tom, are you uninformed and apathetic?"

Me: "I don't know and I don't care."



Tom


----------



## Bamban

You can't solve world hunger, worry about the things you can.


----------



## bladehunter

Unfornately I can't recall who said this, but it was from a book by either Hitchens or Dawkins.

" Some people are _educated above their ability_ to reason with common sense"

I can credit this one to Rancid.

"I didn't trust her cos she smiled at me first".

Being a motorcyclist somtimes the Hwy Patrol can interfere with a day out, on one such day a fellow rider was heard to quip.

"The only reason he's a Hwy Patrol Orificer is that the Hells Angels deemed him too morally reprehensible for membership."

Casey Stoner on Rossi:
"Your _ambitions exceeded_ your ability"

This one came from a racing commentator:

"He outbraked himself."

The only way he could raise his IQ is by standing on a chair, unfortunately the chair would lose a few points in the process.


----------



## 18w

There should be a 9 day waiting period for some people to buy tools.


----------



## ogberi

Said to a 6 year old me by my pappy (dad's stepdad, a boatbuilder), when he *stood there and watched me smash my thumb with a hammer, trying to drive a nail*......

WoooHoooooo, Stupid Hurts, don't it?   Don't be a dumbass, ask someone to teach you how.


----------



## uncle harry

Tighter than a boars @$$ in fly time

Picking fly $h!t out of the pepper

Thinner than a mosquito's @$$hole stretched over a rain barrel


----------



## xalky

Colder than a witches t#t in a tin bra.


----------



## FOMOGO

"When they were handing out the Brains he thought they said Trains, and stepped out of line".

"If I wanted any s--- out of you, I'd squeeze your head".  Dear old Dad


----------



## uncle harry

Ulma Doctor said:


> Harder than herding cats.
> 
> 
> harder than doing something with a wet noodle and a wildcats .....



My Dad used: "Trying to push butter up a wildcat's @$$ with a hot awl"


----------



## mckdavid

FOMOGO

"When they were handing out the Brains he thought they said Trains, and stepped out of line".

we have a similar version:

When they were handing out the Brains he thought they said Trains, and asked for an old fashioned steam one....


and 

Aye your right, don't do it the easy way where there's a perfectly good hard way to try first...


----------



## FOMOGO

One more. " If you eat when your hungry, drink when your thirsty, and sleep when your tired. You will live till you die". Grandpa.   Tough to argue with that one.  Mike


----------



## Mark in Indiana

"It's so cold that the Lawyer, Banker, and Politician are keeping their hands in their own pockets!"


----------



## hermetic

Old dutch friend of mine , sadly no longer with us, used to say whenever involved in a dispute with employees, builders, inspectors or general busybodies (in a thick dutch accent)

" Vell zats ze vay it's going to be, and if you dont like it, you can all FOOOOK OFF"

He usually got his own way, and it usually turned out that he was right in the end too!
Those who know me will know who I am talking about.
Phil


----------



## Fabrickator

Honor is something no man can give you, nor take away. Honor is a gift you give to yourself.  Rob Roy


----------



## markknx

Here is one I have been hearing a lot around here lately. "It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" I'm about to do a test.


----------



## Ulma Doctor

hermetic said:


> Old dutch friend of mine , sadly no longer with us, used to say whenever involved in a dispute with employees, builders, inspectors or general busybodies (in a thick dutch accent)
> 
> " Vell zats ze vay it's going to be, and if you dont like it, you can all FOOOOK OFF"
> 
> He usually got his own way, and it usually turned out that he was right in the end too!
> Those who know me will know who I am talking about.
> Phil




Hi Phil, i worked for him or his doppelganger :lmao:
i worked on a couple jobs for a salty foreman. he was an older gentleman, i was an apprentice iron worker.
i did my best to stay clear when he started on a broken english rant that could topple structures:angry:
i heard his words ringing in my ears once again reading your post!
thanks for the memories, most of the time i laughed at how he murdered colloquial english.
it really was fun to watch and listen, if you weren't on the short end of the stick:jester:


----------



## ogberi

It's my favorite tool! (AKA, it's the only sharp one)
You're sharp as butter on a hot day.
He's slower than paint (drying)
She said "I want", which means "You must..."
SWMBO sez "It's just a scratch on the truck" = replace the rear bumper...
Me: "Just a few pics in the shop" = 3 hours finishing a new tool....


----------



## bladehunter

If you're going to yell at me don't look so stupid, it's distracting.


----------



## markknx

ogberi said:


> It's my favorite tool! (AKA, it's the only sharp one)
> You're sharp as butter on a hot day.
> He's slower than paint (drying)
> She said "I want", which means "You must..."
> SWMBO sez "It's just a scratch on the truck" = replace the rear bumper...
> Me: "Just a few pics in the shop" = 3 hours finishing a new tool....



SWMBO??


----------



## ogberi

markknx said:


> SWMBO??



She Who Must Be Obeyed.

You know, the one with Veto powers on shop purchases:nervous:


----------



## Mark in Indiana

ogberi said:


> She Who Must Be Obeyed.
> 
> You know, the one with Veto powers on shop purchases:nervous:



The way to get around those veto powers is to remember this phrase:*"It's easier to get forgiven than to get permission."  *


----------



## pdentrem

I saw that topic on the other forum earlier this evening.

This is the most recent one that I like. Mr Ruess XVP Global Development GM, on the topic of quality control. Another take on "Garbage in, garbage out"

"If you do what you always did, you always get what you always got" 

Pierre


----------



## markknx

Ogberi, No wonder I couldn't figure it out. Send your address I will send you some pants :^)  Mark


----------



## Fabrickator

You never soar so *high* as when you *stoop down* to help a *child* or an animal


----------



## Ulma Doctor

markknx said:


> Ogberi, No wonder I couldn't figure it out. Send your address I will send you some pants :^)  Mark





OUCH!


----------



## ogberi

markknx said:


> Ogberi, No wonder I couldn't figure it out. Send your address I will send you some pants :^)  Mark


:roflmao:

Actually I try to be laid back.   My wife and I have no kids, so we both have more hobby money that those with kids.  A lot more shop time too.  We both feel that hobbies are important.  I have my wood and metal machines, foundry, electronics and computers.  I can generally fix, make, or at least diagnose whatever breaks.  She makes soap from scratch (lye soap, not that melt&pour crud), and has just taken up the violin.   
Although, I just did spend about $200 on tooling and supplies for the Atlas, plus I have $136 in my McMaster-Carr cart (bearings, handwheels, locking handles, etc), *plus* I'm spending $600 on a nice SB9A lathe this coming Sunday.   She makes sure all the bills are paid, I get hobby money.  It works out, because she is super thrifty with our budget.   

Now I just gotta figure out how to finagle about $250 more to build a workbench to put the SB and Taig on.....


----------



## NightWing

People in Hell want icewater.  Then they want blankets when they get cold.

He is f...ing the dog and selling the puppies.  They're ugly puppies but he's getting good money for them.

If I buy this today on sale, I will save 25%.  
If I don't buy it at all, I'll save 100%.

Colder than a well digger's a$$.

If I was doing any better, I couldn't stand myself.

If wishes were horses, we would all ride.

Life is all about a$$.  We are either kicking it, covering it, kissing it, trying to get it, working it off, busting it, sitting on it or scratching it.

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Once, twice, three times a lady.  Four times she does it for a living.

Where were you when the paper was blank?  (When someone criticizes a design)


----------



## Fabrickator

Men die sooner than women because women are never ready to go.


----------



## Mark in Indiana

"He has the attention span of a gnat."


----------



## RandyM

The more I learn, the less I know.


----------



## Bill Gruby

I am not going to remove any of the posts nor will I edit them unless there is a complaint. I will however ask that you tone them down some. Some are Risqué to say the least. We have members that would not appreciate some of them.  Thank You.

 "Billy G"


----------



## sk1nner

Good enough for government work.


----------



## Ulma Doctor

...that and $4 , will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks....


----------



## raven7usa

Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90%  probability you'll get it wrong.


----------



## Dusty

Remember......2 wrongs don't make a right,  but 2 Wrights did make an airplane     :thinking:


----------



## Ulma Doctor

2 wrongs don't make a right, but 4 left's do!!!


----------



## Bill Gruby

When I was a mini-kid and fighting a lot my Dad used to say. 

 "The end result of the fight does not prove who is right. It shows only who is left."

  "Billy G"


----------



## Dranreb

“The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.” 

Tom Waits


----------



## Dataporter

Ulma Doctor said:


> 2 wrongs don't make a right, but 4 left's do!!!



Isn't it 3 ? )


----------



## bladehunter

Fabrickator said:


> You never soar so *high* as when you *stoop down* to help a *child* or an animal



That's just awesome. Actually reading that has made my day.


----------



## gregg

"ITS A GREAT LIFE AS LONG AS YOU DON'T WEAKEN"

My grandmother use to say and my Dad would use that Phrase as he got older .. 
Grandmother other one she used a lot about a lie or tall tail told to her .

 "THAT'S STRECHING A KNAT'S  A$$ OVER A WAGEN WHEEL"

She had a lot different ones I don't remember ..She was born in about 1895.


----------



## Mark in Indiana

Gettin' old ain't for the weak.

Enjoy life every day. No one gets out of here alive.


----------



## w9jbc

A fellow I used to work with always said " if you do it right the first time you wont have to do it a second time" I really miss old Norman.


----------



## jpfabricator

One my dad would tell me when I had trouble with some impolite people.
The more you wrestle with a TURD, the more you stink. 
Jake Parker


----------



## MarkStephen

The one my dad always told me when I was in trouble - "If your were really sorry, you wouldn't of done it."


----------



## markknx

Machinist: A person that can fit a square peg in a round hole.


----------



## chips&more

It’s mind over matter. If the boss don’t mind, it don’t matter.


----------



## great white

"Its not the space shuttle, get it together and get it out the door"

"That and a quarter will get you a phone call"

"Stop talking about it and get on with it"

"The decision is made, now MOVE!"

"Ask not how many the enemy, but where they are"

And, a personal favorite, from "The Blind Side":

"hope for courage and try for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too.”


----------



## oldboy1950

i would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!


----------



## atlas ten

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." 

 --Lawrence of Arabia, Seven Pillars of Wisdom
Jack


----------



## tertiaryjim

So many old and well said phrases already posted so I'll just add this.....
If you cant do something smart, Do something rite!


----------



## Dave Smith

just cause I'm dumb don't mean I'm stupid-----I mean just cause I'm stupid don't mean I'm dumb-----I mean-- I mean-- I mean


----------



## Grumpy Gator

Thanks Group I didn't expect this much response.
Keep them coming but save those off color ones for another forum.
While there are a lot of old "seasoned" people here there are a lot of newer members that might find this content offensive. So in fairness to all if you need to share one that's on or over the line send it to me via "conversations" if I can I will clean it up and post it or let you know I can't.
************JADIP***********************************Gator************************


----------



## jim18655

"Fool proof systems fail to take into account the ingenuity of some fools."
"The stupidity of your actions is directly proportional to the number of people watching."


----------



## great white

"Better to be silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt...."


----------



## tweinke

As useless as screen doors on a submarine.


----------



## Ulma Doctor

dumber than a box of rocks.

she could eat corn through a picket fence, without touching the fence!

this one from my Dad- 
Slicker than goose$&it through a tin horn


----------



## MARVIN GARDENS

"It's better to be the hammer than the nail."

"I can't find my butt with both hands."

"Where is my (insert any tool or item here)?"

My grandfather's and now my favorite;  "...and people in Hell want ice water."

Regards.

Bob


----------



## eugene13

Worry is a waste of iminagination


----------



## wrmiller

Probably my favorite:

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

 Albert Einstein


----------



## great white

"The difference between genius and stupidity it that genius has its limits"


Albert Einstein


----------



## Andy Rafferty

One Must remember what one is dealing with.


----------



## Grumpy Gator

"When you ride for the brand.You fight for the brand"                                                       My grandfather taught that to my father and he passed it on to me. I'll admit that I didn't grasp the meaning at first.                                                                                                      But as the years passed the words would not go away.                                                        It was not just some cowboy saying it was a way to live life with honor and integrity.         This has paid me many dividends over the years.
 ****************Just Saying************************G*****************************


----------



## Dracen knights

42 ..... (lets see who knows what it's from)

Silence is golden ...but duct tape is silver....


----------



## atlas ten

Duct tape is like the force. It has a dark side and a light side. And holds the universe together.

Jack


----------



## hvontres

"A camel is a horse designed by committee"


----------



## atlas ten

If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
Jack


----------



## PatMiles

It's never too late to have a happy childhood!


----------



## tweinke

Looks good from my house.


----------



## kvt

Ok,   here is one my father use to say

"You could tear up an anvil with a wet noddle"


----------



## Dawner

"My fuse is shorted" or
"Your credit card balance is Zero"


----------



## Dawner

Dawner said:


> "My fuse is shorted" or
> "Your credit card balance is Zero"


 "Oh that bolt you just snapped the head off of ... is now to be used as your new alignment guide"
"I'm from the government I'm here to help"


----------



## Dawner

Dusty said:


> Remember to torque a bolt properly....stop turning 1/4 turn BEFORE it breaks


Or tighten it down till it strips then back off a 1/2 turn


----------



## kvt

Oh,  That is close enough for government work!


----------



## gr8legs

A few more from my files - apologies if these are repeats but I enjoyed them the first time 

Exporting democracy has led to shortages of it here.

"He who is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else." - Benjamin Franklin

Some people just need a sympathetic pat... on the head..... with a hammer.

As people grow up they realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

You're not really old until you get junk mail from funeral homes - Adams Apples newspaper cartoon

"The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living." -- Anonymous

"So much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don't even know that fire is hot." -- George Orwell.

"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets." -- Will Rogers

Peace is that glorious moment in history when everyone stands around reloading...

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

When I see insane people on the street talking to themselves I want to tell them about Twitter.

"I’ve learned to take the advice of people who are smarter than me. Because if you think you’re the smartest person in the room, you probably should go to a different room.” Lisa Sedlar, Founder & CEO, Green Zebra Grocery

"No business plan survives the initial encounter with customers.” Paola Moretto, Co-Founder & CEO, Nouvola

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." ~ Howard Aiken

Many people want to serve God, but only as advisers.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

I have to stop saying how stupid can people be. To many people are taking it as a challenge.


That's enough for now! See y'all later

Stu


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## oldboy1950

comment on someones lack of shooting skills;
he couldn't hit a bulls ass with a snow shovel!!


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## Cheeseking

tweinke said:


> As useless as screen doors on a submarine.



.....or teets on a Bull


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## Fabrickator

Kid's, dogs, flowers and Christmas lights all look better in someone else yard.

Beat it to fit and paint it to match.

Luck...is not a strategy.

Things usually go a lot smoother when the wife is happy.


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## oldboy1950

balls on a bullfrog !!


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## tweinke

He could sell ice cubes to an Eskimo.......... now there's a good sales person.


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## higgite

If you don’t have paint that matches, use what you have and call it art.

Life’s unpredictable. Eat dessert first.


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## Grumpy Gator

Is that the same as "Gravy on your cake"?
**G***


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## higgite

grumpygator said:


> Is that the same as "Gravy on your cake"?
> **G***


There are 3 things that make everything taste better... bacon, butter and gravy... not necessarily in that order.

Tom


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## turnitupper

great white said:


> "Better to be silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt...."


This is my favourite quotation of all time. Your version is almost verbatum to the one I quote except I preface (Better) with t'is , Its , or you're . as the occasion demands. Could you  please tell me where your version comes from ?.
P.S. sorry about the late reply , I don' t usually frequent this forrum. Maybe I should !!.


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## turnitupper

PatMiles said:


> It's never too late to have a happy childhood!


Absolutely correct!.


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## kvt

New one today,   
The problem with being on a soap box, is that when it Rains it gets really slippery.


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## savarin

My grandfather was a professional wheelwright and cabinet maker, his comment regarding slack craftsmen was 
"He couldn't make a rabbit hutch with leather hinges."
My mothers one for flappy people was
"They're like a fart in a colander, no idea what hole to come out"


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## savarin

You could write what he knows about it on a gnat's butt with a felt tip pen.

One from a grizzled old chef in my training days.
"Come on son, you know what they say, after you've had a crap you wipe your butt, clear as you go"


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## Dawner

A rabbits foot is not lucky.. especially if your a rabbit!   
(This ones from my Grandmother)
Children are like pancakes.. you always throw the first batch out.


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## Dawner

w9jbc said:


> A fellow I used to work with always said " if you do it right the first time you wont have to do it a second time" I really miss old Norman.


my favorite boss quote " Don't make your poor planning my emergency "


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## chucky

There's nowt as queer as folk.  An expression from the north of England meaning there's nothing stranger than people.
Come on lad you're shaping wooden.  Meaning you're too slow.
Oi cloth ears.  What you say to someone who is not listening.


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## markknx

The steel is evil and it must be punished
Mark


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## kvt

Here is another one,  do not remember seeing it in here anywhere,   people are always coming over like it is an emergency   he says:
**** poor planning on your part does not make an emergency on mine.


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## electromecch31

Man is a tool using animal, with tools he is as all, without he js nothing. My favorite,I use it every time I bring a tool home to the wife.


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## aeroHAWK

A sign in a shop I worked in over 20 years ago:

*We the unwilling,
Led by the unqualified,
Have been doing the unbelievable,
So long, with so little,
We now attempt the impossible,
With nothing....*


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## turnitupper

Quote regarding inept motorists.
"He couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's bum". 
John


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## kennyv

"Haste makes waist" 
 Ohh I have another one that came  from an Old  coworker  (he  was a  foreigner  so if ya don't get it its Bc  I  didn't say the same way with his accent. He  was 2nd shift i was 1st  shift CNC Mill Operator . We had same boss and BC we were always pushed to work the limits of Machine  yet they were cheap with tooling he wrote on our  Insert tool index box  this saying as well. 
 He said Back in My County we have a saying

  "Do it Right Away" or " Do it Right Way"


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## coolidge

When I have achieved victory over something that has been fighting me, annoying me, or getting on my last nerve my saying is, "I got you you mother!"


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## Ben Nevis

Never say something bad about someone unless you have walked a mile in his shoes...

Not only will you have a mile head start, you will also have his shoes.


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## higgite

They said "Smile, things could be worse." So, I smiled... and sure enough, things got worse.


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## markknx

Murphy was an optimist! (referring to Murphy's law)


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## higgite

Everybody's good for something. If nothing else, they can be held up as a bad example.

Tom


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## markknx

Here is a few more

 there is a certain amount of common sense in the world, It just seem the population has grown way beyond that amount. 

Used when someone is having an issue with a machine or computer. but it is not the equipment it is the user
it is a Id 10 t error.  (Id10t)
Mark


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## Mark in Indiana

The bikers among us will appreciate this one...

"It's so hot that the tar snakes have left the road to find shade."


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## markknx

Hate them Tar snakes. We call them road snakes.
 Mark In upper IN.


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## Billh50

call em road snakes here too


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## Mark in Indiana

Not to hijack this thread, but do you get to enjoy the adventure of riding through 6' square solid tar patches?


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## markknx

Not often they mix it with gravel up here if they do a patch that big. But they do like to put the snakes in the intersection so you can't miss them as you turn.
Mark In upper IN.


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## Dawner

kvt said:


> Here is another one,  do not remember seeing it in here anywhere,   people are always coming over like it is an emergency   he says:
> **** poor planning on your part does not make an emergency on mine.


We must have had the same boss at one time or another.


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## higgite

A favorite from my biking days...  a friend of mine used to say when we rode through the mountains where milk herds were moved from pasture to pasture along the roadways, "@#%^&% cows ALWAYS dump in the curves!"

Made for some exciting changes of direction.

Tom


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## Grumpy Gator

Was over at a friends house yesterday. He just turned 94 and was a machinist for GM for over 40 years and I asked him if he had any sayings about machining.Turns out he had a lot but only a few that I can share here.
  "Machinist create , everyone else just describes"
"I didn't envision , plan or design this part.But if you leave me alone long enough I'll make it work."
 "Screw , Butt , Ball , Tailstock and Dead Nuts. You gotta love a machinist vocabulary."
***G***


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## TTD

I remember back when I was in High school and had just got my drivers licence. I borrowed Dad's truck and picked up my girlfriend after school one night and headed home for the "meet the parents over dinner" ritual. The ol' man was the first to greet her with, "Pleased to meet you...Todd says you're good and kind".
"Well, wasn't that sweet of him to say", she replied.
To which he answered, "Yup - good for nothin' and kinda stupid!"

Yeah, long story short.... there was no parking on Lover's Lane that night...


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## higgite

Which reminds me... a favorite when a father is addressing his teenage daughter's date for the first time...

"Boy, that's my princess, the apple of my eye that you taking out tonight... and if you're even remotely thinking of laying a hand on her in an ungentlemanly fashion, remember this... I'm not afraid to go back to prison."


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## jim18655

higgite said:


> Which reminds me... a favorite when a father is addressing his teenage daughter's date for the first time...
> 
> "Boy, that's my princess, the apple of my eye that you taking out tonight... and if you're even remotely thinking of laying a hand on her in an ungentlemanly fashion, remember this... I'm not afraid to go back to prison."


I used to tell my daughters boyfriends, and her husband now, "I'd jump in front of a truck to push her out of the way. Why wouldn't I hurt YOU to keep her safe?"


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## jpfabricator

Answer the door and ask your daughters date " Do you know of a good place to hide a body?" When he says " no." You reply " Well I do!"

D.A.D.D.
Dads
Against 
Daughters
Dating

Sent from somewhere in East Texas Jake Parker


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## WalterC

"If you don't like it- don't whine about it- find a solution".  (I used to tell the kids).

 "I've got eyes in the back of my head". (My dad would say this, and as a little kid, it scared me to imagine that).

 "It is what it is".


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