# What to say when. . . . .



## davidh (Oct 13, 2014)

a 72 year old friend stops by or calls and tells you he has only a few months to live because his cancer has not responded to the treatments ?
there must be some words to comfort not only the friend but thyself as well. 
"im really sorry to hear that"  is just not enough as far as im concerned.  
i don't need condolences but i'd like to express mine.
anyone have anything to help ? ? ?


----------



## darkzero (Oct 13, 2014)

Wow, that really sucks & is a tough one. I don't know how your relationship is with him but if it were me I would try to stop by more often & just try to spend more time with him, just the additional company sometimes makes someone feel more appreciated. Best wishes!


----------



## chuckorlando (Oct 13, 2014)

I dont deal well with this kinda thing. I dont think there are any words at all that really help. All you can do is be there for them, let them vent or cry or even yell and scream. It's unfortunate but we really cant understand. Just do what ever you can do to support them and their family. Take a little of their burden if you can


----------



## Bill Gruby (Oct 13, 2014)

There is really nothing you can say that will make it easier. He has to be a real close friend to confide in you like that. This in itself makes it even harder. Be there when he needs you, there is not much more you can do. 

 "Billy G"


----------



## Rbeckett (Oct 13, 2014)

I have to agree with the visit more often and make sure he is comfortable when he is bed ridden. Adjusting a pillow means a lot when you cannot do it yourself anymore.  Otherwise just continue to be the best friend he has...

Bob


----------



## Fabrickator (Oct 13, 2014)

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, Nimbus Sans L, sans-serif][/FONT]I was the caretaker for my parents while they were able to live at home and it's a really tough situation for both parties.

As far as what to say, I always tried to bring a bit of light into their dark world.  Share their faith and emotions when appropriate. Ensure that they are comfortable.

With friends, try not let your friends condition get in the way of your friendship.  Treat them the same as before if possible talking about hobby's, sports, whatever their interest.


----------



## pdentrem (Oct 13, 2014)

Visit more and do things that you may have set aside for later, as there is no later. That is what I did with a good friend and Mom before they died.
Pierre


----------



## David S (Oct 13, 2014)

David this can be tough on the listener.  However your friend needs your continued friendship.  At some point it is appropriate to know whether your friend is "ready to go".  My Dad passed away recently, but he kept on living and struggling like a trouper (navy man actually).  But at one point when my sister and I were by his bedside, he asked us if it was ok to go, as though he needed our permission.  With much compassion we let him know how much he had shaped our lives and it was fine to go when he was ready.  Two days later he passed on, with no more pain and discomfort.

We could tell that there was a relief in him when we let him know.

DAvid


----------



## Terrywerm (Oct 13, 2014)

I recently went through a similar conversation with an old friend. He's divorced and has little in the line of family. I didn't know what to say either. Fighting to find the words, I finally told him, "George, we're gonna have as much fun as you can stand during the time you have left."  His reply was simply "I'd really like that."

We've been to threshing shows, car shows, truck shows, county fairs, bawdy houses, just about anything you can think of, and ol' George just keeps on smiling. 

Oh, and we haven't really been to any bawdy houses, but it sure sounded good!!!


----------



## mzayd3 (Oct 13, 2014)

My father was given 10 months to live when he was 47 because of a cancerous tumor.  When we weren't upset about it, a real good way for us to deal with it was through humor.  Sorry to hear about your friend.


----------



## dave2176 (Oct 13, 2014)

We are eternal beings, having existed for eons of time with our Father in heaven before we came here to gain a body so that we may progress. Eternal beings have a difficult time with endings such as death but because of a Savior who came to atone for us and defeat death we too will be reunited with our perfected bodies. When He was here He said, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." This could never be accomplished in mortality so that is a powerful indicator of what is yet to come. 

I pray that God will open the windows of heaven and pour out His blessings of comfort on your friend and you who is here to support him at this difficult time. Serve your friend and you will receive strength beyond your own.

Dave


----------



## rafe (Oct 13, 2014)

I have gone through this a time or two, I usually tell them they have today same as me and for all we know you might not go first. Enjoy everyday as it is your last , it just might be! 72 is better than 70....A couple weeks ago I ran into a guy I know and hadn't seen for a number of years ...he had had a bout with cancer and was in remission at that time ....This time he looked pretty bad and doesn't have much time left , but he is living each day as best he can. He has a great attitude and we had a few laughs.
You can ask if they have regrets,fear,baggage that kind of thing. Most of all be there for a friend ....


----------



## Andre (Oct 13, 2014)

The only real thing to do is what you feel right doing so. Depending on your relationship and hobbies, that might mean talking or going to a game. If he is in the hospital, swing by and bring some things along that will remind him of the great times you've had with him. Losing somebody isn't easy, especially if it's drawn out.

My 73 year old grandfather passed very suddenly on Tuesday in August a few years back. He had signs of chest pain over that week and passed in the afternoon. No warning, it just happened. It felt like we were robbed, and there was nothing we could do about it.

Also had a 94 year cousin pass here within the year, it was a drawn out 10 day event. We couldn't talk to him besides the occasional "We love you, George" when he would wake up for a minute then go back to sleep. It was terrible, but again there was nothing we could do. 

In the end, no way is a good way. Just try to remember the good times you had and keep in mind when he does pass he won't be in pain anymore. 

Stay strong.


----------



## 12bolts (Oct 14, 2014)

I dont really think there is a phrase or comment that you could have stored in your mind ready to whip out when and as required.
Like most of the previous posts stated, just be there for them when they need it, make sure you visit them more often, because you sure will miss them when they are gone.

Cheers Phil


----------



## ricsmall (Oct 14, 2014)

God bless your friend and family. I agree, spend time doing things he likes to do and make the most of what he has left. 

Richard


----------



## davidh (Oct 14, 2014)

i want to thank all of your for your kind input.  its does make it a bit easier when you can share experiences.  Bless you all. . .
davidh


----------



## GA Gyro (Oct 14, 2014)

Care-taking is not easy... and the closer one is to the one in need... the more difficult.  
I think the ladies may be wired for this better than us guys...
On a side note... we lost about half a dozen really GREAT folks in the gyrocopter community over the last few years... accidents that should not have happened.  Always the good ones that pass too soon.  

My Dad lived with me and passed a couple of years ago... thankfully the 'bad' days were not long.

We are born helpless needing others to take care of us, and we die (well pass from this life to eternity) the same way... I remember my Dad appreciated the simple things... even though he could not say it.

In the end... it makes each of us a better person if we sacrifice ourselves for the ones in need.

Pass along our prayers and support to the one (and their family/friends) who is about to go through that one way door.

GA


----------



## Ulma Doctor (Oct 14, 2014)

thank our maker for every day that we have on this earth.
as far as advise,
let him know that you care and you'll stick it out with him.
be the best friend you know how to be.
trust that there are larger things than we can conceive.
know that you are a better man for knowing him.


----------

