# Lifes little deversions ...



## FOMOGO (May 15, 2017)

Would love to be home working on the shop, but the universe seems to have other plans for me for a while. Back in Wisconsin to deal with my dads and brothers estates. Got to my brothers house just in time to save my nephew from a heroine overdose. What a curse that stuff has become in our country. The house is totally trashed and is going to require several weeks of work to clean it and the property up for sale, then on to my dads 4k sf shop, which has 60 yrs worth of accumulated stuff.  My nephews girl friend is getting out of the county mental facility today and wants to stay at the house so she can go back to her job and attempt to get their two young children back from social services. She had a breakdown after my nephew was stopped with the kids in the the car after taking her to work, and the kids ( 4yr old girl, and 6 month old baby) were taken away. My niece who temporarily has the kids, says she deserves a chance. I could go on, as there are several more elements involved here, but suffice to say I'm feeling way out of my depth. As I'm the only one left to deal with this, guess I'm just going to have to suck it up, and dig in. Sorry if this brings anybody down, but just needed to vent. Thanks, Mike


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## jocat54 (May 15, 2017)

Hang in there Mike!
Hope it all gets better for you.


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## Reeltor (May 15, 2017)

I too am sorry for the situation that you find yourself in.  Only comment that I have is before you let the girlfriend back to live in the house get a good lawyer to write up a temporary lease or something to that effect.  I have heard of horror stories where the "mother with minor children" could not be evicted and all utilities must be maintained (at whose expense?--one guess).  It could take years and a big chunk of money to be able to get her out and sell the house.

I don't have a clue what the laws are where the house is located, I suggest that you find out prior to giving permission for anything.

good luck,

Mike


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## rgray (May 15, 2017)

Well good luck and best wishes. Sounds like things can only get better from here hopefully. And if not then realise you can't help those that won't try and help themselves.


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## fradish (May 15, 2017)

I agree with Mike, I would contact a lawyer before letting her stay at the house.  If your nephew
is going to get a portion of the proceeds once the house sells, it might be better to get her into an
apartment and pay for the rent out of your nephews portion of the proceeds.  Again, I'm not a
lawyer, but as Mike said, I could see her moving in making it impossible or very difficult to sell the house.


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## dlane (May 15, 2017)

X2^


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## Ken from ontario (May 15, 2017)

Mike, take a deep breath and focus on what steps you'll need to take next,what you're going through is just tough for anyone but with your help and others who  are willing to share this heavy burden, this situation will have a better chance to be resolved .  one thing is for sure,your nephew needs to go to a rehab and stick with the program for at least 3 years if not longer otherwise he'll go back to that horrible drug in no time and will drag you and others down with him , if you can succeed in putting him in an addiction clinic, you have made a huge step in the right direction .having children in the mix makes the situation even tougher but they need to be sheltered from  it all.

Please don't lose hope, there's always a way , you'll need to be resourceful,  let others share the weight and the responsibilities.
If you need a few listening ears, we are here.


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## FOMOGO (May 15, 2017)

Thanks to all. So many good folks here. Onward and upward, one day at a time. Mike


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## Bill Gruby (May 15, 2017)

Sometimes it's only one second at a time. Hang in there Mike things always seem to work out.

 "Billy G"


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## brino (May 15, 2017)

Hi Mike,

Wow that's a tough situation. I commend you for your efforts. I know it cannot be easy.

It sounds like your niece is stepping up too; it's great she can supply some sort of continuity for the kids.
So you are not alone!
Also, seeing all the replies above you have supporters here.

Remember that as a custodian of all this you have to take care of yourself too.
Otherwise you can't help anyone else and just become another victim.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you ever want to "talk". I don't know if I have any wisdom to offer, but I can guarantee a sympathetic ear and I know sometimes (for me at least) it takes some discussion to help put things in perspective and figure out next steps.

With my respect!
-brino


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## JimDawson (May 15, 2017)

Good Lord, what a mess.  My sympathies Mike, best of luck to you.


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## woodchucker (May 15, 2017)

Having had an ex that I kicked out that was a cocaine addict, I can only say tough love. She wiped me out financially and emotionally. 
I went to narc anon (for the families of narcotic addicts) and learned there is nothing you can do to help. The best help is tough love. Don't help them continue to be addicts.
And for your own sake and safety, you have to take a step back.
Good luck, and best wishes.


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## Firestopper (May 15, 2017)

Mike,
Sorry to read such tragedy and with you holding the bag. I can not give you any advice, but wish nothing but positive things for you and yours.
Opiate addition is an epidemic crisis in our country today and is stripping our fellow American's of life, liberties and pursuit of happiness.
God bless you brother.


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## Rustrp (May 15, 2017)

woochucker said:


> Having had an ex that I kicked out that was a cocaine addict, I can only say tough love. She wiped me out financially and emotionally.
> I went to narc anon (for the families of narcotic addicts) and learned there is nothing you can do to help. The best help is tough love. Don't help them continue to be addicts.
> And for your own sake and safety, you have to take a step back.
> Good luck, and best wishes.


So true, but everyone has different perspectives of tough love, and my view is it isn't harsh or controlling, it just seems that way to the person who thinks they are being abandoned.


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## Rustrp (May 15, 2017)

FOMOGO said:


> Thanks to all. So many good folks here. Onward and upward, one day at a time. Mike


Wishing you strength and courage. We have little control in these situations and the desire to see a good outcome for everyone can stretch our sanity. The only advice I know that was given to me was, journal. Take the time and space daily to write your thoughts on paper. It's just one way to get them out of our head and it helps bring clarity for today. Peace to you. -Russ


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## mikey (May 15, 2017)

Mike, I can't even imagine what this must be like for you. Losing your dad and brother, and then having to deal with the fallout of their lives cannot be easy. Hang in there, buddy.


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## David S (May 15, 2017)

Mike I am not sure if your Dad and brother had any special wishes that they would have requested regarding the dispersion of their assets.  However I think if they did, then you should consider those carefully.

You have been given some good points here to consider.  I would never tell anyone what to do in a situation like this, but rather things to consider and any possible consequences.  I think my colleagues here have given you things to consider.

Above all I wish nothing but the best outcome for your situation.

David


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## kvt (May 15, 2017)

Like many have said,  one min, one hour, one day at a time,   We are all with you, and hoping that things work out.  Make sure you are covered when making decisions on what you let others do, if you are the one who is in charge of things.   I to have seen things get out of hand with people we try to help costing us way more than we expected.   But most of all take care of yourself.   You do not one any good if you let yourself  get run down etc.   you are in our prayers.


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## cathead (May 16, 2017)

Mike,

I'm sorry to hear your sad course of events.  You have the right attitude so hang in there and 
it will get better my friend.  Good luck and best wishes.


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## GA Gyro (May 16, 2017)

Sad situation... I am sorry for the mess you have 'inherited'... 

The advise about investing some time (and the cost) with an atty... to determine what you can legally do and what rights other folks have... Would IMO be $$$ wisely spent! 

Here is a thought:  If the shop you are supposed to clean out is on different RE (land) than the house the kids are attempting to live in...
That shop will be your haven to keep your head on straight.  If it were me... I would spend a little time there as often as I can... to keep my head straight.  Funny how an hour alone piddling with stuff (even cleaning out a file cabinet full of tools)... will give one perspective on a wayward kid. 

Wishing you wisdom in dealing with this mess.

Now if you are a God fearing person... some prayer when you have time... might be a good idea...


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## mcostello (May 17, 2017)

Make some chips as time allows, it helps.


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## FOMOGO (May 23, 2017)

A little update on how things are going here. I mentioned above that my nephews girl friend (mother of his daughter) wanted to move back in, which I allowed, with the the warning that the first misstep she was out. Went in to check on Randy (the nephew) who is going through withdrawal and had finally fallen asleep. Went into his room to check on him and found her laying on the floor unconscious, and not breathing. Randy was just getting out of bed and came over and started giving cpr and got her breathing. We then got her in the shower and got cold water running on her, and I called 911. The paramedics and police arrived in less than 10 minutes. By this time she was conscious, and semi coherent, but still obviously very high. She told the police that he had hit her, and he denied it. I was only 20' away and hadn't heard anything going on, although they had been arguing off and on ever since I brought them home.  The police said the situation was just too volatile for her to stay, and she would have to leave with them. I told them that I didn't want her coming back, and was told I didn't have to allow her back in, but if she got in I couldn't make her leave. No charges were pressed, which kind of amazed me. She showed up the next day wanting in (apparently someone dropped her off), and I refused. I packed all her stuff in boxes and had my younger brother (another fun filled story that will have to wait for another installment) set them out side. She sat out there for 2 hrs on the phone apparently trying to find someone to come and get her. Eventually someone showed up, and she hasn't returned.
     Found a helpful psychologist/case worker at Human services, and after many phone calls, meetings, and finagling, finally got him excepted into a state subsidized  28 day recovery program (his fourth in the last 10 yrs). With a sigh of relief, dropped him off today in Oshkosh. Now, maybe, I can finally get a little sleep, and get on with the house and shop cleanups, appraisers, estate attorney, etc.. My wife has been helping out long distance, dealing with his traffic tickets, and missed court dates, and providing moral support. A few of my departed brothers friends have been helping out with a few things, so not totally on my own. Thanks for listening, and stay tuned for the next exciting episode.  Cheers, Mike


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## Rustrp (May 23, 2017)

Thanks for sharing. These are things that are surely not on anyone's bucket list, or things we plan for when we retire. This is like someone putting things in your shopping cart when you're not looking. One day at a time. -Russ


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## brino (May 23, 2017)

FOMOGO said:


> Now, maybe, I can finally get a little sleep



Absolutely deserved. Remember to take care of you too.

.........just maybe change the locks on the place first.

-brino


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## FLguy (May 23, 2017)

My hopes and prayers are with you. This to shall pass.


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## Silverbullet (May 23, 2017)

Sorry to hear all your going through , but this is part of what's keeping you sane. The venting helps relieve the mind. Ill be keeping you and the family in my prayers , . We all need someone to talk to , lean on its just the way people are made. Hard times hit like bricks in the face. And it hurts just as much or more.
Take care of yourself it will wear on you , don't be afraid to walk away for a spell. God bless and keep you.


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