# I sure could use a prayer or two



## Mark_f (Mar 10, 2018)

It is really rough right now. Wednesday morning I had emergency surgery to remove my Morphine pump that was in place for 4 1/2 years. The next morning I had to go to the hospital by ambulance as I was and still am in full blown narcotic withdrawal. I was in the hospital until Friday when I came back home. The withdrawal symptoms are a little better but still bad. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I have not eaten anything since Tuesday and still can't. I lost 14 pounds since Tuesday.  When I get through this, I still have to deal with the tremors. My left hand and arm shakes so bad i can barely eat as the food shakes off before I can get it to my mouth. The tremors have gotten to my legs and feet. I have no balance and cannot stand without help. I must walk with crutches all the time, being careful about falling. I will get past the morphine withdrawal, but they say I most likely will not come back from the tremors and they will get worse. I am ordering a new manual wheel chair to fit me. With everything going on I am severely depressed and cry every time I realize where I am. I most likely will need constant help with everyday living soon.  I believe it will be a while before I see my shop again... BUT I INTEND TO MAKE CHIPS AGAIN SOMEDAY!  That's all I got to live for.


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## Groundhog (Mar 10, 2018)

Some prayers headed your way. Wish there was more I could do or say. I am praying for you.


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## wawoodman (Mar 10, 2018)

You got ‘em, Mark. Best of luck.


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## Mystery1 (Mar 10, 2018)

Our prayers are with you Mark.


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## tweinke (Mar 10, 2018)

Mark will keep you in my prayers. Remember that your family here will always be here for you! Get well.


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## Billh50 (Mar 10, 2018)

Prayers your way Mark.

I know how you feel. I am thinking of stopping my chemo as it is weakening my heart to the point I get out of breath just going to the next room. I know the cancer will probably start growing again but if I keep up with the chemo that will kill me also. I am hoping my heart will strngthen without the chemo so I can get back into the garage and make chips when it gets warmer.


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## woodchucker (Mar 10, 2018)

The wife is headed to church in a few, I'll ask her to say a few for you two.


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## Dave Smith (Mar 10, 2018)

Mark and all other members facing enormous health obstacles---our prayers are for your healing always and that you will be able to enjoy your shop again---Dave


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## Bill Gruby (Mar 10, 2018)

You have them from me Mark. Best wishes also.

 "Billy G"


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## PMartin (Mar 10, 2018)

Saying a few prayers for you as well.


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## Mark_f (Mar 10, 2018)

Thank you all for the support. I really feel for you Billh50, you too Gruby. Hope you are getting better. I know in a few weeks I will be over the narcotics and the surgery, but it will be a long process adapting to my new life. It is good that I can type on my phone by speaking, as I can't hit the right button any more. I have to use voice dial to call someone.
I know I have problems and I am pretty well into the down slide of life but I gonna Make the BEST of it.....and when I look around, there is always someone worse off than me.
                   GOD has a plan for me.


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## Bill Gruby (Mar 10, 2018)

Who's Gruby? My name is Bill.  LOL


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## HMF (Mar 10, 2018)

It's hard to keep faith. I am having problems doing that myself now.
I suffer from major depression with all that brings. Work has been difficult at best, but no work, no pay.
They say He never gives you more than you can handle, but at times it is hard to accept that.

Keep the faith, Mark, prayers going up for you and the others on here.

Nelson


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## Mark_f (Mar 10, 2018)

Nelson said:


> It's hard to keep faith. I am having problems doing that myself now.
> I suffer from major depression with all that brings. Work has been difficult at best, but no work, no pay.
> They say He never gives you more than you can handle, but at times it is hard to accept that.
> 
> ...


Thank you Nelson. I can testify to the fact that for the last 60 years, God has given me everything I need. Nothing more, nothing less, but what i need. And he will again now. There were times I have wondered but faith carried me through everything.


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## Mark_f (Mar 10, 2018)

Bill Gruby said:


> Who's Gruby? My name is Bill.  LOL


You must be getting better....lol.


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## Bill Gruby (Mar 10, 2018)

My Neurologist called this evening. He gave me the OK to run machinery again.

 "Bill"


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## HMF (Mar 10, 2018)

Good news...


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## Dave Smith (Mar 10, 2018)

God isn't the culprit that sends all problems, sickness, and depression against us but he does let us know that we definitely have the total power over them with his blessing and grace--we keep believing and accepting his love for us for it never fails---Dave


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## Mark_f (Mar 10, 2018)

Bill Gruby said:


> My Neurologist called this evening. He gave me the OK to run machinery again.
> 
> "Bill"


That's great news, Bill


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## Mark_f (Mar 10, 2018)

Dave Smith said:


> God isn't the culprit that sends all problems, sickness, and depression against us but he does let us know that we definitely have the total power over them with his blessing and grace--we keep believing and accepting his love for us for it never fails---Dave


I know God is not the cause of my trouble, but I do have faith he will take care of me until it is time to go home.


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## NEL957 (Mar 10, 2018)

Mark
Hang in there my friend there is better days ahead. You will be in my prayers and I know God answers prayer. Be tough my friend and hang in there. Be strong my friend.
Nelson


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## Silverbullet (Mar 11, 2018)

I've been steadfast in keeping you in my prayers , I know about withdrawal personally , I get it because I get the crawling and shaking in my arms and legs . I hate taking the morphine and the fentanyl so when I get times I'm out of pain I don't use them then in a day or so I'm doing like you said. They keep uping  the dosages so all you want to do is sleep. And it's so hard to keep a normal wake and sleep time. Ill be still praying a little extra during the day or night. Like now for me it's 4am and I'm wide awake. So many things I need to do . Please father touch my friend who's in pain and torment beyond what we should bare , Grant his relief and do a mighty miracle this day AMEN n AMEN .


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## Suzuki4evr (Mar 11, 2018)

My prayers are with you Mark and I BELIEVE GOD will help you through this trying time


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## NEL957 (Mar 11, 2018)

Mark
I will be praying for you, pain and suffering is something none of us like to go through. A speedy recovery, be well my friend.
Nelson


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## Mark_f (Mar 11, 2018)

I want to thank everyone for the prayers and support. The emergency surgery to remove my Morphine pump was a breeze, BUT it through me into full blown drug withdrawal and I would not want anyone to know this experience. It has been 4 of the most miserable days of my life so far and I have at least a week to go. You start out with a lot of pain, you get very weak and very sick, you are constantly nauseated, you throw up but they are dry heaves and hurt, you are very depressed, cry over nothing, you shake and tremble, you are so weak you can't walk, you can't concentrate on anything. You wish you could just die to stop the suffering. All this is going on simultaneously and constantly 24hours a day. There are more symtoms, but that gives you an idea of what withdrawal does to you.  I could not eat at all for 5 days. Food makes me even sicker. I have lost 14 pounds in 4 days.  Finally today I was able to eat a 2 ounce piece of plain chicken breast and keep it down. I can only sip water, so I constantly take sips of water. I drink about 20 ounces a day this way. I am dehydrated. When this is done, I still have a long road back and start adapting to a new level of disability. Getting back to my shop, hopefully by summer is what is keeping me going.
Again thank you all for your support and prayers.


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## Sandia (Mar 11, 2018)

Praying for you Mark. God is still in the miracle making business.  Faith.


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## Silverbullet (Mar 12, 2018)

I'm praying again this morning for you Mark , I'm hurting some from the dentists hammering and chiseling in my mouth . Filled two teeth and bondo on the broken one . Ora jel has been helping , I swear he was trying to chop them out. All the while he says I should get route canal on the busted one. $350 . Just for this visit alone, there goes the food money this month. Good thing the kids are willing to help. Please try to drink Mark bodies shutdown fast with out water , try Gatorade the additives help guard from dehydration. God you see our desires and know our needs please help us in Jesus name. Thank you father in heaven


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## BillWood (Mar 12, 2018)

Hang in there Mark, one step at a time, and keep thinking about your first few days back in the shop ............... Whats happening in the first week back ? Specific little easy jobs or a big difficult one or better still knock over a half finished one .............. most people have one of those.


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## Mark_f (Mar 12, 2018)

Silverbullet said:


> I'm praying again this morning for you Mark , I'm hurting some from the dentists hammering and chiseling in my mouth . Filled two teeth and bondo on the broken one . Ora jel has been helping , I swear he was trying to chop them out. All the while he says I should get route canal on the busted one. $350 . Just for this visit alone, there goes the food money this month. Good thing the kids are willing to help. Please try to drink Mark bodies shutdown fast with out water , try Gatorade the additives help guard from dehydration. God you see our desires and know our needs please help us in Jesus name. Thank you father in heaven



Thank you. 
It is hard to tolerate even purified water. There is a really bad taste in my mouth and smell in my sinuses. The sense of smell is magnified by about 50 times. I can smell an egg cooking 3 rooms away and it is still so strong I can't stand it. I smell every little thing so strong it is unbearable. I have turned a corner this morning. Last night was the first time I got a few hours sleep and first time I could drink more than a sip of water at a time. The pain is almost gone and the nausea is a little better, but many of the other symptoms rage on. I am so weak. I fully understand how you feel and wish you some relief.


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## Mark_f (Mar 12, 2018)

BillWood said:


> Hang in there Mark, one step at a time, and keep thinking about your first few days back in the shop ............... Whats happening in the first week back ? Specific little easy jobs or a big difficult one or better still knock over a half finished one .............. most people have one of those.



Thank you.
Before this happened, I was converting my friends 14 1/2 SB lathe to large dials. I had finished the cross slide and the compound is made but the dial needs the graduations. That will be the first thing I do as he has been there supporting me.


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## dgehricke (Mar 12, 2018)

Mark,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang tough buddy you will make it.
Best Regards
Wally G.
dgehricke


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## core-oil (Mar 12, 2018)

With you in Prayer Mark, Hang in there , we need folk like you , And we are praying that you will soon be back to health and happily in your shop again.


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## Mark_f (Mar 12, 2018)

Well, I am on the down hill slide of the drug withdrawal. I turned a major corner today. I can eat and the bad symtoms are almost gone. I still suffer some of the milder symptoms which should be gone in 4 to 7 days, but I can eat and drink now. 
Now I have to start adjustment to my new lifestyle. I cannot walk. I can just barely get around the house on crutches. I still fall easily even with the crutches. This has been progressively getting worse as the tremors have also. I will be getting tested for the cause of the tremors. I definitely will be ordering a new manual wheelchair this week. I have known this was coming. There is a very small chance I can come partway back with therapy and time, but only part way back. The other result is total disability from the waist down.


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## BillWood (Mar 12, 2018)

mark_f said:


> Well, I am on the down hill slide of the drug withdrawal. I turned a major corner today. I can eat and the bad symtoms are almost gone. I still suffer some of the milder symptoms which should be gone in 4 to 7 days, but I can eat and drink now.
> Now I have to start adjustment to my new lifestyle. I cannot walk. I can just barely get around the house on crutches. I still fall easily even with the crutches. This has been progressively getting worse as the tremors have also. I will be getting tested for the cause of the tremors. I definitely will be ordering a new manual wheelchair this week. I have known this was coming. There is a very small chance I can come partway back with therapy and time, but only part way back. The other result is total disability from the waist down.



Do you have an emergency pendant buzzer thingy ? ie in the case of a fall and you are alone in the house can you push a button on a strap around your neck to summon help ?
 Is there a logical list of expected issues over the next few weeks that you can write down now and start considering solutions ? ie What you can be doing now to help yourself anticipate and resolve problems over the next few weeks. Any accessability issues with going for a wander around the workshop either in crutches or a chair, just to have a look and make sure nothings going rusty ?


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## EmilioG (Mar 13, 2018)

Wow, 4 1/2 years. All I can say is that you WILL get better. Everyday. a little bit.  Your Doctor should prescribe something like Suboxone to ease the process. It's a tough thing but you will get through it.  Eat some burned toast and easy to digest foods like oatmeal and drink a lot of water., juice.
My cousin went through this same thing many years ago. Get well soon.


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## Silverbullet (Mar 14, 2018)

I'm glad your getting up and over the horrid withdrawal symptoms. I can relate the extra sense of smell been there in 09 after the pulmonary embolism. Keep trying to eat and drink . Mark I'd like to give you a nice power wheelchair I have its not to big and sure will help you. It needs batteries which if I was able I'd change them out for you. I've been trying to sell but I'd rather give it to you. Anybody here willing to help by picking it up and delivering to Mark???   It's really in great shape givin to me to sell by a friend to help me out. Your need is more pressing .


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## Mark_f (Mar 14, 2018)

Silverbullet said:


> I'm glad your getting up and over the horrid withdrawal symptoms. I can relate the extra sense of smell been there in 09 after the pulmonary embolism. Keep trying to eat and drink . Mark I'd like to give you a nice power wheelchair I have its not to big and sure will help you. It needs batteries which if I was able I'd change them out for you. I've been trying to sell but I'd rather give it to you. Anybody here willing to help by picking it up and delivering to Mark???   It's really in great shape givin to me to sell by a friend to help me out. Your need is more pressing .


Thank you so much for tour kind offer , SB. I have a new power chair the insurance company paid $7000 of the $8000 cost. I got it a few years ago when I was wheel chair bound for 3 years. I just ordered a new manual wheelchair and it will be here Friday.


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## Mark_f (Mar 14, 2018)

I been going through this withdrawal for 7 days now. All the really bad stuff is past. I still have many lesser effects yet. That poison was running into my spine for 4 1/2 years and they say it could be weeks before all the lesser effects go away. But I can eat and drink anything I want now. I go to Pittsburgh Monday to start figuring out why I can't walk. It is hard finding a ride for the two hour drive. I fell in the kitchen today and had to wait while my girlfriend found a neighbor to help get me up. I have fallen 3 times in the last week. It's rough but I will beat this.


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## Silverbullet (Mar 14, 2018)

Ok Mark , just wanted to help. I thank you , remember I asked about the pump , glad I didn't pursue that course. I new I'd mess it up internally the way I work sideways off my wheelchair. Plus to get it in and filled I'd have to go out past Philly to some pain center. I have bone on bone vertebra thus the pain ,Dr called it bursitis to explain my trouble. Have some curvature there too. I told my wife I was to strong for my own body. Picked up to many very heavy items for years.


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## Mark_f (Mar 15, 2018)

Silverbullet said:


> Ok Mark , just wanted to help. I thank you , remember I asked about the pump , glad I didn't pursue that course. I new I'd mess it up internally the way I work sideways off my wheelchair. Plus to get it in and filled I'd have to go out past Philly to some pain center. I have bone on bone vertebra thus the pain ,Dr called it bursitis to explain my trouble. Have some curvature there too. I told my wife I was to strong for my own body. Picked up to many very heavy items for years.


The pump did a good job but I lost so much muscle mass over the 4 1/2 years. I have to recover from that. I know what you mean about too strong. My teenage and twenties years I thought I was invincible and paying for it now.


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## woodchucker (Mar 15, 2018)

mark_f said:


> I been going through this withdrawal for 7 days now. All the really bad stuff is past. I still have many lesser effects yet. That poison was running into my spine for 4 1/2 years and they say it could be weeks before all the lesser effects go away. But I can eat and drink anything I want now. I go to Pittsburgh Monday to start figuring out why I can't walk. It is hard finding a ride for the two hour drive. I fell in the kitchen today and had to wait while my girlfriend found a neighbor to help get me up. I have fallen 3 times in the last week. It's rough but I will beat this.


Is your girlfriend back with you? The one you told us about?


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## Mark_f (Mar 15, 2018)

woodchucker said:


> Is your girlfriend back with you? The one you told us about?


NO !!!!!!!  New one (smile)


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## Silverbullet (Mar 15, 2018)

You learned young to stop , I never stopped till this pain set in about two years ago. Always was taught a good workout built strength and made muscles stronger. But I never new I was contorting my spine and wearing the cartilage away . I hope the injections help in a few weeks. xrays are pretty clear how bad my degeneration is. 
Be careful hobbling around out there YA don't need broken hip or leg. Get some vitamins in ya too. My Dr says I'm the healthiest crip she has . My motor works but the frames worn out.


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## Suzuki4evr (Mar 15, 2018)

Hi Mark. Just wondering, do you have any family members who can help assist you in any way?


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## kvt (Mar 15, 2018)

If we knew then what we know now about the damage we were doing by only stopping after the pain got so bad.   I wish I could go back and warn myself about it as I'm sure most of us would.   But would we have listened.   

Mark,   I know I put something in before the crash,  about this but one thing to consider would be one of the walker with a seat, that you could use around the shop when you can manage to,   Could be a little easier to get around in the shop, and maybe a bit more stable than the crutches.   Just a though.   

Hopefully things will continue to improve over the next week or so.


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## Mark_f (Mar 15, 2018)

Suzuki4evr said:


> Hi Mark. Just wondering, do you have any family members who can help assist you in any way?


Nope ...... Just my girlfriend.


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## jeff_g1137 (Mar 15, 2018)

Hi Mark
Best of luck, pain is a problem, i hope it all go's away one day. 
Thinking of you daily. 
New girlfriend, very nice, still life in the old dog yet. lol


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## BillWood (Mar 16, 2018)

................ sometimes distraction can be helpful......... depends upon the nature of the person and the nature of the pain ..................... I can lose myself for a couple of hours with a few bits of metal and a pair of calipers trying to figure out exactly where to drill the holes  and mill the slots for project xyz. 

or just with paper and pencil trying to figure out how to make a ...................... ( insert current must have tool here)  with the skills and equipment currently available. If you think that would be helpful am sure that there woudl be plenty of suggestions from forumites for projects for you to think about and give suggestions upon.

Funny thing with some of my sketches, that were oh so clear and clever at the time ................ I sometimes haven't got a clue what they mean 6 months later as that particular train of thought just isn't there any more.


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## cg285 (Mar 18, 2018)

my boy had a similar issue with narcotics. he spent 1 1/2 years in the hospital (1 year icu) for major burns. (lost track of the number of operations) when he finally got out he had to return immediately with stomach issues. all the narcotics he took for the duration ruined his stomach to the point where he can no longer tolerate ANY narcotics. i remember he had withdrawal issues but the biggest issue was putting up with the pain from no more drugs. the trade off was he could eat though.


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## Mark_f (Mar 18, 2018)

cg285 said:


> my boy had a similar issue with narcotics. he spent 1 1/2 years in the hospital (1 year icu) for major burns. (lost track of the number of operations) when he finally got out he had to return immediately with stomach issues. all the narcotics he took for the duration ruined his stomach to the point where he can no longer tolerate ANY narcotics. i remember he had withdrawal issues but the biggest issue was putting up with the pain from no more drugs. the trade off was he could eat though.


I don't wish anyone to go through narcotics withdrawal. It is horrible. I had a morphine infusion pump installed putting that poison into my spine continuously for 4 1/2 years. After the pump had to be removed in an emergency surgery, the withdrawal hit me like a freight train 10 hours later. The pain was horrific, I lost consciousness, wound up in the hospital and wasn't being treated for the withdrawal. After 4 days of no food or water, I check out AMA and went home and suffered. With the help of my girlfriend, I am past the horrible part but am still suffering many minor problems from the withdrawal. It will take weeks to get past them. The bad part for me was recovering from the surgery while suffering the withdrawal. I have a long road back to being somewhat normal. I can't walk and the tremors are worse and these are undetermined how I will end up.


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## Silverbullet (Mar 18, 2018)

Mark my brother I'm in prayer , hoping for good answers to our needs.


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## Mark_f (Mar 18, 2018)

Silverbullet said:


> Mark my brother I'm in prayer , hoping for good answers to our needs.


Thanks. The withdrawals are pretty much over. I'm doing better, but still can't walk. Off ros Pittsburgh tomorrow to see a tremors specialist and neurologist.


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## cg285 (Mar 18, 2018)

mark_f said:


> Thanks. The withdrawals are pretty much over. I'm doing better, but still can't walk. Off ros Pittsburgh tomorrow to see a tremors specialist and neurologist.



upmc?


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## Mark_f (Mar 18, 2018)

cg285 said:


> upmc?


Yes ..... UPMC


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## Silverbullet (Mar 19, 2018)

It's noon Mark saying a prayer the drs give some good news . I'm hoping the best , away to help your needs .


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## Mark_f (Mar 19, 2018)

I went to Pittsburgh today to see a tremors specialist. Because I can't walk, they can't check my gait for signs of Parkinson's so I have to go back and get a special scan to look for Parkinson's in the brain. I managed to get my brother to make time to take me today but I don't know how I will go get the scan. I seriously don't think I can drive the 95 mile trip, but I have to try or not go it seems. I guess we will see.


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## extropic (Mar 19, 2018)

Hey Mark,
Regarding transportation, I suggest you ask your healthcare providers if they know of any transportation resources to aid the handicapped.
I live in a fairly rural area with zero public transportation within 15 miles, except there is transportation available for medical treatment. I almost needed to use it and that's why I became aware. Good luck with your search.

I hope your trip today was more productive than "Can you walk a straight line?", "I can't walk.", "You'll have to come back." How frustrating!

Hang in there. Maybe some members can help?


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## Mark_f (Mar 20, 2018)

extropic said:


> Hey Mark,
> Regarding transportation, I suggest you ask your healthcare providers if they know of any transportation resources to aid the handicapped.
> I live in a fairly rural area with zero public transportation within 15 miles, except there is transportation available for medical treatment. I almost needed to use it and that's why I became aware. Good luck with your search.
> 
> ...



There is only local transportation help in this hick area. Nothing to help with the long distance. 

That's what I got........ "Can you walk a straight line" ...."I can't walk" ....... And "you have to come back"

The doctor was nice. She spent about an hour making me do silly movement exercises to test function. She confirmed that I have severe neuropathy, that I can't walk, and they are not concerned about that. She is only concerned about the tremors ( as she is a tremor specialist). So now I have to go back for a special scan to test for Parkinson's disease. They would normally diagnose it by examination of my gait and walk but since I cant walk they have to resort to other methods. So after I get the scan, if I can get there for it , then I have to go back to discuss the findings and what to test for next if it is not Parkinson's. I see several trips required that I can't make because there is no way to get there.

It will be close to impossible for me to make that trip myself, as i cant drive that far or walk as far as required, even with my crutches. But it seems I will have to try.

I have 2 retired brothers and a son close by and absolutely no help. They are always busy or just don't want to. They haven't spoken to me or seen me in years and I don't even Know why.

Life just sucks sometimes. I m ready to quit all the doctors, all the meds, and just wait to get better or die which ever comes first . With my heart trouble,I already know my life expectancy is very short from here and all this s**t don't make it any better. I have an ascending aortic aneurysm that has started growing again ( the super high blood pressure and 200 pulse rate during the narcotics withdrawal didn't help this either). If it ruptures, I'm dead in 30 seconds. If they decide to operate on it, I will be lucky to survive the surgery and if I do the long term survival prognosis is poor at best.  Looks like I am damned if I do and damned damned if I don't.  Welcome to my world.


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## Silverbullet (Mar 20, 2018)

Mark , I wonder if there may be away , I here of this uber  or something like that. People get paid for driving but I don't know how it works. Or if will work. I do know about family my mother disowned me because of my disability . I wasn't able to visit and spend the time she needed I guess.
But two sisters haven't been in contact in twenty years either. I know it hurts , we have more in common I guess. If it wasn't for my daughter's I'd be screwed for Dr visits and testing. God I'm praying please help us in this need.


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## Mark_f (Mar 20, 2018)

Silverbullet said:


> Mark , I wonder if there may be away , I here of this uber  or something like that. People get paid for driving but I don't know how it works. Or if will work. I do know about family my mother disowned me because of my disability . I wasn't able to visit and spend the time she needed I guess.
> But two sisters haven't been in contact in twenty years either. I know it hurts , we have more in common I guess. If it wasn't for my daughter's I'd be screwed for Dr visits and testing. God I'm praying please help us in this need.



I know what you mean. 

I have a heart that requires a pacemaker to keep beating, an aneurysm that can kill me anytime and maybe but highly risky can be fixed but not forever, I can't walk, I hurt 24 hours a day and nothing can be done about it, and now I have another  incurable disease yet to be determined. I can't be hiring drivers for hundreds of dollars to carry my butt back and forth 100 miles to a doctor and hospital. Yes ...... I am tired , overwhelmed, and I just don't care anymore. I am losing faith fast.


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## Mark_f (Mar 21, 2018)

My friends .......
Thank you all for your support. You have no idea how much it has meant to me. I think everything that can be said has been said, so I am closing this thread. FOR NOW. I have a long road back ahead of me. I don't yet know how far back I can or will come. As it stands fight now, I cannot machine anymore, but I intend to change that in the coming future. First priority is to find out what disease I actually have. The first test is for Parkinson's. 
The second priority is heal from the surgery and hit the gym to get muscle mass back and try to get to walk again somewhat.  
There are several other issues, such as my heart and my aneurysm to deal with and I am working on those now to to get control of my body. 

I will be here now and then and I will be back and reopen this thread when I get straightened around. 
Thank you all .... And I WILL BE BACK.


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## Mark_f (Mar 26, 2018)

My dog is now a government certified "Sevice Dog". He is a medical alert dog. He Will let someone know if I have problems and he can now go EVERYWHERE with me.


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## Mark_f (Mar 26, 2018)

I can walk a few steps. Maybe 10 feet if I have a wall or something to steady myself and I go very slowly. It is difficult as I lose balance. I have to use my loftstrand crutches or my wheelchair to get around the house and to go anywhere. I ( and the doctors) think this is about as far back as I will come, but I am going to do everything I can to get even better.


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## buffdan (Mar 26, 2018)

Hiya Mark, what a sweet little service buddy you have.

You are making progress.. Especially compared to a few weeks ago.
Keep working at it.. 
We appreciate the update.
Dan


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## Mark_f (Mar 26, 2018)

Yes, I feel much better. I still have effects from the morphine withdrawal. They say they may take a long time to get over, but they are minor problems. My vitamin D3 was almost completely depleted from my body. I am taking massive doses from my doctor to try and correct it. The blood test value should be around 50 to 100. Mine was 10 and was causing severe weakness.
I go to get some fancy nuclear test on my brain to test for Parkinson's disease , on April 10.
The walking is just not coming back like I hoped. I cannot feel my legs and feet and cannot tell what they are doing without watching them. My girlfriend and I went shopping at the big mall in Ohio today. We took my wheelchair and she pushed me all around the mall. It was nice to get out for once. We had a nice day together. My Service Dog, Gizmo, can go everywhere. Stores, restaurants, hotels any pubic place, everywhere. He can even fly with me and sit on the floor by my feet for free. This makes me feel better also. I think he is more attached to me than my girlfriend.

I still have to find out about the tremors yet. I have a hard time eating a lot of thiangs because I shake everything off my fork before I can get it to my mouth. The tremors are really bothering me. It is hard to do simple things like dial the phone. I keep hitting wrong buttons from shaking so bad. I had to program voice dialing and auto answer on it. I bought a new manual wheelchair to get around the house. I want to get a second one to keep in the car so she don't have to keep taking it in and out of the house, but at $200, it will have to wait a while. All in all , I am adapting pretty well so far to my new lifestyle, I think.


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## mcostello (Mar 27, 2018)

What big mall in Ohio? I am in Lancaster.


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## Mark_f (Mar 27, 2018)

There are two. Eastwood mall in Niles and Southern Park mall in Boardman. At least they are big to me.


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## Mark_f (Mar 30, 2018)

Well ....... This is most likely my permanent update. It looks like my machining days are about over. I need my wheelchair even to get around the house. I can use my loftstrand crutches sometimes, but definitely need a wheelchair to go out of the house. My service dog goes everywhere with me. I can no longer walk. I try to take a few steps in the house but it is unsteady and risky. If I continue to fall, the doctor said I will have to go to assisted living, WHICH I REFUSE TO DO.  She seems to think I am depressed. I said no, I can't walk,  barely can feed myself , and I depend on a dog to watch me. Why would I be depressed? If could control the tremors better.  I might be able to work in my shop a little, but I am not allowed to be there without someone to watch me and what used to take 15 minutes to do , now takes over an hour, so I won't be in the shop very, very little. I spend the days sitting in the house trying to do everything I can for myself, but even the simplest tasks take a long time when I have to use a wheelchair to go ten feet to get something to eat and it is hard to make a simple sandwich with the tremors. I can't even write or sign my name anymore with the tremors. It takes the whole day just to do the simplest things I need to do to survive and it wears me out. I need to get stronger.   My service dog is with me 24/7, he even follows me to the bathroom. He watches me constantly. It takes so long to do simple things like combing my hair. We used to go out to eat a lot but since I have such a hard time and people stare, I avoid it mostly now.

On a good note,  My girlfriend has said yes to marrying me. We are planning a wedding in May of 2019. ( What she wants with half a man I don't know, but she takes good care of me.) I want so much to be able to stand and get married and to WALK down the isle with her after the ceremony. That is my goal in life now. I have been thinking of inconspicuous ways to do this with a little help. We are planning a big church wedding. I have no idea how I will manage the first dance with 125 people watching. I am doing my best to adapt to my new life and I think I am doing pretty good so far.


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## RJSakowski (Mar 30, 2018)

Mark, 
Congratulations on your engagement.  Your goal to walk down the aisle and have that first dance is an excellent one.  It is my sincere hope that you will succeed.


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## cg285 (Mar 30, 2018)

i agree on the assisted living. stay far away.


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## DHarris (Mar 30, 2018)

Mark, my best friend got married after he returned from Vietnam.  He lost the use of both legs / paralyzed from the waist down from a mortar attack.  At his wedding, he asked his new wife to join him out on the floor, asked her to sit in his lap, and wheeled her around the floor to their favorite song.  There was not a dry eye in the room, and most of the room was filled with some bad-A$$ Marines.  If your lady agreed to marry you, she will not care if you turn hand springs or must stay in your chair - - enjoy the day and your lady.

Congratulations!


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## Mark_f (Mar 30, 2018)

DHarris said:


> Mark, my best friend got married after he returned from Vietnam.  He lost the use of both legs / paralyzed from the waist down from a mortar attack.  At his wedding, he asked his new wife to join him out on the floor, asked her to sit in his lap, and wheeled her around the floor to their favorite song.  There was not a dry eye in the room, and most of the room was filled with some bad-A$$ Marines.  If your lady agreed to marry you, she will not care if you turn hand springs or must stay in your chair - - enjoy the day and your lady.
> 
> Congratulations!



Actually, she doesn't care if I am in my wheelchair or on crutches, or crawling. She just wants me there no matter what. But I know how important this day is to her. It is her first time being married in a church with a "real" wedding and it is important to me to make this day perfect for her, and me standing and walking, even for just those few instances would make her so happy. She says it doesn't matter, but I know what she wishes and I want all her dreams to come true and make the day perfect. I have a year to work hard and try to gain enough balance. My muscles are strong , but if the nerves don't work, the muscles have no control. I believe I will get to have enough control to walk the isle out and give her that dance. At least I am going to try my best. I wanted to do our own vows , but she has a learning disability and doesn't want to. As a surprise, I have written my vows to her and before the minister starts the ceremony, he will first say that I have something to say, and then I will say my vows and then he will start the ceremony. This is going to be a surprise for her. I wrote the vows a month ago and I still cry when I read them so I know she will like it. ( I keep reading them to try to get through them without crying myself to be prepared). Also , if I can manage to walk with her and do the first dance, I will save it as a surprise for her as well as everyone else. ( The best man is in on helping make this work and we are the only ones who know ). It is most important to me, that this day be everything she dreams it should be. So the next 12 months are focused on the wedding. I still have to be concerned about the tremors diagnosis, but I have faith that with God's help, all will work out just fine. She asked me when out to dinner today if I was ever going to work in my shop again. I told her I don't know , but hope to. She knows how important that shop is to me.


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## DHarris (Mar 30, 2018)

Good for you Mark!  Keep the faith strong and continue to strive toward your goal, we are all praying and pulling for you to succeed.


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## Downunder Bob (Apr 3, 2018)

Mark you are an inspiration to us all, I hope the struggle is less each day and that you are soon back with your beloved machines and tools. I have admired your exquisite work from afar, and wish that I could do the same. I frequently hesitate to start because I doubt that the result will be good enough.


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## Mark_f (Apr 3, 2018)

Downunder Bob said:


> Mark you are an inspiration to us all, I hope the struggle is less each day and that you are soon back with your beloved machines and tools. I have admired your exquisite work from afar, and wish that I could do the same. I frequently hesitate to start because I doubt that the result will be good enough.



Thank you,

I am improving gradually all the time. I actually take a few steps sometimes, in the house, but I must be careful as I am very unsteady and can fall easily. I can not afford any more falls. damn doctors think I belong in a home as it is and my only problem is , I can't walk (without falling). It will be a long time before I work in the shop I am afraid. We'll see what the summer brings. I am adapting well to being "challenged", I think. My service dog is a big help for comfort.

I do try to inspire others. I have had a lot of people say "I wish I was as good as you" or "I'm not good enough yet to do that".  You can probably do just as good a machine work as I do, and so can almost everyone else, but  you must have the attitude, "I can do that".  I never ran into anything I couldn't do. that mentality has served me well my whole life. I was always into electronics as a child. I was repairing televisions at 11 years old. the tube caddy was almost as big as me ( no solid state devices back then.) I moved into rewinding electric motors and industrial controls by teens and ham radio. After high school I got a degree in industrial electronics. Then I discovered machining. I shoveled chips and then started repairing the machines. This was before CNC, it was called NC and used paper tapes for programs. the machines broke down and the boss said , "can you fix these?" I said sure ( I'd never seen one in my life.) I fixed the machines and every other machine in the shop. I taught myself to run all of the machines while repairing them. One day the boss asked me if I was a machinist and I said "no". Then the shop master machinist came in and asked for a tap. Boss said what kind? master machinist said " not one pointy on the end, a flat one". He got his tap, left, and I turned to the boss and said, " Hell yes, I'm a machinist! The rest was history. In ten years I was a master machinist and also became a tool and die maker by the time I moved on to my next job. In that time I also got a degree in mechanical engineering and hydraulics for the machine tool industry. There wasn't a machine tool I couldn't run by then and  at forty I got offered my dream job as an engineer for a major U.S. CNC machine tool manufacturer. I traveled the U.S. , Canada, and Mexico solving problems on new machines and servicing the very old machines that weren't supported anymore. I learned CNC programming. I was making $65,000 dollars  a year in 1990, with a free company car, flying 150,00 miles a year , living in fancy hotels and loving life. Then in 1997 the years of heavy work as a young man and lifting more than I should took its toll. I was having a hard time keeping the pace. I got arthritis, a bad back, and could hardly make it through a day. By 2000 I was disabled and on company disability.  That ran out and social Security turned me down. I went broke and bankrupt. Lost everything but my house. my doctor made sure when I appealed they couldn't turn me down and I got  my Social Security 3 months later. It was a big adjustment going from Almost $70,000 a year and a company car to living on $20,000 a year. My health got worse and worse  over the years. I built my home shop and continued machining.  I have machined through two heart attacks, two strokes, open heart surgery for an arterial dissection, I still have an ascending aortic aneurysm threatening to kill me, Spinal stenosis so bad my nerves are all shot from the waist down and severe neuropathy that has stopped me from walking at the present. Until a few months ago , I was still machining and hope to again. the only reason I ain't making chips now is there isn't enough room to get the wheelchair in the shop. WHEN I get out of this chair, I will machine again. I guess my point is........ when someone says, "I can't do that" or "I am not that good" , They defeat themselves before they even try. It is a hell of a lot better (and more fun) to TRY and if it isn't as good as expected , TRY again till it is good enough. Hell I failed a lot of times in life. I just hid it and kept trying till figured it out. EVERYTHING is common sense. Don't look at the whole picture. Just look at the small part you are concerned with at the moment then move on to the next. That makes everything simpler and doable. One time I tore apart a huge machine to repair I never saw before. I had parts and wires and circuit boards scattered everywhere. The owner came over and asked if I was sure i could fix it. I said "sure" ( then said to myself, "I hope". )Took a few days but I got it!  
i'm just saying ..... Take a chance and try..... you may surprise yourself. This is is aimed at ANYONE that says " I'm not that good yet" You don't know that.


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## Bob Korves (Apr 3, 2018)

That's the spirit, Mark!

My dad told us he applied for a badly needed job with the road department of the city he lived in way back in the great depression.  The boss asked him if he could run a hydrauger.  Dad said "Sure I can!  What does it look like?"  The boss laughed out loud, told dad he liked his spirit, and he was running the hydrauger by the end of the day.


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## Silverbullet (Apr 3, 2018)

I know you we are very much alike , we lost everything in 1980 . The same in point, but I feel if you try you can do. Even now I'm sure you'll find away to make your body let you do machining. From a wheelchair or standing walker ,with seat,,, . Modifications we make for us may help others , I've made many things for other disabled to do things they like . Gloves with a tube to hold leather carving tools and stamps. All kinds of adjustments can be made to let you in your shop . It may  mean casters on machines to push away in or in place to use. But don't give up yet . I had to give my daughter away on her wedding day hunched up in a wheelchair and pushed by my wife. It's tuff I know , you still inspire me to keep up the fight. My latest nerve blocks L1- L4 are revealing more pain in other spots in my spine but there nowhere near as painful. It's been one week today and it's so much better . I just need to get past the fear now from the years of torture I endured. I'm very glad your marrying a women who loves you so very much , nothing better than a loving woman. Your pup looks ALOT like my oldest daughter's mutt. Full of vim and vigor and protective of her. Fight fight fight it's our lot. I've never earned a decent living , I we fight just to survive and it's only getting harder , I'm praying you get the strength in your legs and hips to get around easier. Dear Lord in heaven grant our needs and give us our desires I ask in Jesus name AMEN and AMEN


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## Silverbullet (Apr 3, 2018)

I know you we are very much alike , we lost everything in 1980 . The same in point, but I feel if you try you can do. Even now I'm sure you'll find away to make your body let you do machining. From a wheelchair or standing walker ,with seat,,, . Modifications we make for us may help others , I've made many things for other disabled to do things they like . Gloves with a tube to hold leather carving tools and stamps. All kinds of adjustments can be made to let you in your shop . It may  mean casters on machines to push away in or in place to use. But don't give up yet . I had to give my daughter away on her wedding day hunched up in a wheelchair and pushed by my wife. It's tuff I know , you still inspire me to keep up the fight. My latest nerve blocks L1- L4 are revealing more pain in other spots in my spine but there nowhere near as painful. It's been one week today and it's so much better . I just need to get past the fear now from the years of torture I endured. I'm very glad your marrying a women who loves you so very much , nothing better than a loving woman. Your pup looks ALOT like my oldest daughter's mutt. Full of vim and vigor and protective of her. Fight fight fight it's our lot. I've never earned a decent living , I we fight just to survive and it's only getting harder , I'm praying you get the strength in your legs and hips to get around easier. Dear Lord in heaven grant our needs and give us our desires I ask in Jesus name AMEN and AMEN


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## HMF (Apr 26, 2018)

*Heavenly Father, giver of life and health: Comfort and relieve thy sick servants, and give thy power of healing to those who minister to their needs, that those for whom our prayers are offered may be strengthened in their weakness and have confidence in thy loving care; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen. *


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## HMF (Apr 27, 2018)

Someone in this thread commented that they refused to stop even knowing that it would cost them. I can certainly relate.
I believe that while you live and breath, you have to keep on keeping on.
It's obvious that Mark believes that too.
I do everything around our house, even if makes me hurt bad afterwards or I can't move.
Moved all my machines down the basement myself. I know, I was nuts to do it.
I worked on a basement window in the heat last summer, then did some other things in the garden, passed out from heat exhaustion.
Came to on my front lawn. LOL
Build my outside shed myself, put in electric lines underground. This winter, I finished my clock shop.
My left arm permanently aches, I did some damage, but every weekend, I am back. You just can't quit.
I have arthritis, but who cares. As long as I can move my hands I keep on.
Most of you guys are like this.


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