# Divorce country



## 12bolts (Apr 23, 2018)

At the OP's request the previously listed thread has been deleted.
I am sorry that it has gone.
To all those that took the time to reply, there was good advice in the thread and I hope that other members who were able to read those posts can use the information to good end.
This area of the forum is exactly what this is for and we all hope that any members here who do have problems "outside" the shop do seek help, either here or elsewhere.
Although I never spoke about it here, I can say from personal experience that the advice provided by others was relevant and excellent IMHO
We do welcome input from OP's as well as responders.

Cheers Phil


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## Hukshawn (Apr 23, 2018)

Sorry guys... moment of weakness, frustration, but a bit too much public laundry airing. And it wasn’t even alcohol induced! I appreciate the advice received, it was taken to heart. I have some thinking to do...


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## markba633csi (Apr 23, 2018)

Best wishes Shawn
M


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## cvairwerks (Apr 23, 2018)

Sometimes what you think is a total screwup, is in reality, the doorway to finding the path to the solution you need.


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## 12bolts (Apr 24, 2018)

Because of the couple of good posts that were in the previously named thread I am going to restore a couple of them here. There was some excellent advice provided and it is a shame to see it gone.

"David wrote"
My wife and I had troubles many, many years ago. We sought counselling. However both parties have to want to try and work it out. Of all the decisions I have made in my life, getting counselling was perhaps the best. We have been married 52 years now and happier than ever. 

"NS wrote"
A couple of things for you if you do go down the path of seeking a divorce.:
1. You're not alone. You are neither the first nor the last to be in this circumstance. As King Solomon said - there is nothing new under the sun.
2. It isn't all her fault, it isn't all your fault. Don't focus on the blame game, focus on the next step.
3. Lawyer up. Find a lawyer. Don't agree to anything with her in writing, or verbally before you lawyer up. Lawyers are expensive, so are divorces, but dealing with a divorce without a lawyer is just dumb. Strongly suggest you find a female lawyer. They tend to be better at presenting your case in court if it comes down to that.
4. Kids? Put him first. Get your financials in order, be prepared to start making monthly child support payments that will last until the kids are grown. There is usually a table of expected payments available through the family courts. Have a look to see what you should be expecting to pay. Work it out to the benefit of your kid. Always.
5. Property. Don't hide your property- it will all come out in the court, and if you hide stuff, her lawyer will win in the end.
6. Guns. If you have guns in the house now, go find a trusted friend (or a gunshop) who you can leave the guns with, or legally store them with in the short term until you get things settled and have somewhere new to live. Don't 'sell them for a dollar' to a buddy - see point 5.
There are two reasons to get the guns out-
a. Your mood (or hers) may experience massive swings and tough emotional points. Removing a tool that can make a suicide or worse makes sense.
b. She might 'SWAT' you...if there are guns in the house, she can pull the 'I feel threatened' call to the police, and you'll end up in jail or worse.
All of the above are based on situations that I as a CPO2 in the RCN (E-8 equiv) have seen in person from my friends, shipmates, and subordinates.
Last thing? Don't move out of your house. Move to the basement, move to the spare bedroom, but if you move out of your property, you've effectively surrendered it.
Good luck, and there's lots of folks who've been through it too... 

"dtsh wrote"
I am of the opinion that if two people don't have the connection to each other anymore, it's worth considering parting ways to find happiness elsewhere. Life is too damn short to spend it making each other miserable when you could both have happier days. You can be a good mother or father without being there every day, it's not so much the hours spent but the quality of those hours and remaining as a positive influence in their lives.
If you're both still on good terms, that you both have trust in each other but are just not happy anymore, it's entirely possible that you can both hire the same attourney and execute a very peaceful divorce. That's what I did when we both realized we'd made a mistake and the best fix was to go our separate ways; dvorce doesn't have to be expensive or emotionally painfull. I've known others who remained married for years because they both loved the kids and couldn't envision a life without them so they agreed to live separate lives, together under the same roof; you're limited only by what will make both of you happier. In my opinion, it all starts with an honest heart-to-heart discussion to decide how to fix the problems, possibly by working on the relationship and repairing it, possibly by ending it.


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## NavyShooter (Apr 24, 2018)

Thanks for resurrecting some of the responses...hopefully they're helpful.  Particularly point 1.


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## HMF (Apr 30, 2018)

I have been married 27 plus years- same person. I married very late in life.
To me, marriage is a never-ending series of compromises.
If you cannot compromise on a lot of things, marriage is not for you.
You have to pick your fights very carefully. When things are worth fighting for, then you can go for it.
In my experience, most things aren't a big deal.
My wife compromises a lot. Our basement is full of old iron machines. LOL
In exchange, I do some compromising as well.

If you have the attitude that "I won't back down", or you refuse to follow rules or directions, then marriage is not for you.
There are times you just have to do this.


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